I don’t want life TW

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I’m just going to put my thoughts out there so I don’t let the sad get to me too badly. Feel free to pass this post up.

I feel completely indifferent about dying. But I know I don’t want to live anymore. I won’t leave this earth by suicide because I owe it to my loved ones to stay. I guess I’m just having a moment of sadness.

I didn’t ask to be born and I don’t want to stay anymore. The older I get the more often terrible things happen. The more I understand that this world is not one I want to be in. People always say that life doesn’t get any easier when you’re older but they leave out the part where it get worse.

My problems compound just by me existing. I don’t wanna do it anymore. I just want to opt out of the life I never opted into and call it quits.

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Even though you’re not planning suicide, I think you should call or text a crisis hotline. It’ll help you talk it out and work through it
@Ninjastar @anon4362788 @rogueone @Moonbeam

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this happens often, I’m trying the rules.

You know, I have disabled kids, and I did the impossible.

I’m making it about me, cuz they want me to.
Don’t you ever get sick of it, find the cornerstone.

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I feel for you. Its hard getting older and seeing how much more corrupt things are than you wish they were but there are also the other side of that. I agree I think you should reach out and get help…

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Thanks guys. I think I need to head to bed now. I can’t bare to stay awake and let my mind keep running with this. I’ll check back in and give proper responses in the morning.

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Additionally. I have therapy tomorrow. I’ll chat it out there I guess.

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well that was anti-climatic. on to the next post!

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I think I understand what you mean.

I’m sorry you’re feeling so lousy tonight @bittercat.

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it’s been said, Stay up with you all night to save a life.

Guess he or she resolves it in sleep.

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Good you have a therapist. Is there something that is particularly painful to you? My arthritis is a pain in the neck and can trigger all kinds of bad mental states.

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okay, why would a person considering not living any longer be worried about body pain?

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I was thinking the other way around. Body pain so intense that I can’t function.

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If you are feeling suicidal or having a mental health crisis, please tell someone — a friend or family member, a teacher, a doctor or therapist or call 911 (if you’re in the U.S.) or the Emergency Medical Services phone number in your country.

You can also call a crisis intervention hotline—these are available in the U.S. and in many other countries. You do not need to be actively suicidal to benefit from a crisis hotline.

International crisis hotlines:

Crisis hotlines in the U.S.:

https://www.thetrevorproject.org

More resources:

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depression likes to paint a black cloud over everything in life. Just try and remind yourself that the cloud could one day lift and your mindset can change.

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I slept through it to see if I’d feel better in the morning. I didn’t feel better so I decided to do some cleaning. Spending time at home when it’s clean makes me feel a little less bad. When my SO woke up, I told him about it and we talked. I’m not %100 but he did remind me that I have him amongst other people and good things. I got a few much needed hugs and will go about cleaning today.

If I have the energy after therapy, I may plant some cuttings I have.

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I wanted to die for several years, had one attempt. But now im happy to live even it’s hard.

Things can change even though they have been the same for several years.

Good idea to plant some cuttings, hope it makes you feel better. I love messing with green plants.

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That all sounds good. I’m really glad you talked it over with your SO.

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Talked to SO and he gave me some words of advice and a few positive affirmations. I have therapy in a few hours so I’ll be able to chat about these feelings there and really get into them. I don’t like feeling this way.

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Not physical pain fortunately, but there are big changes happening around me. Where I work, where I live, my insurance, my friends. I’m being forced into a transition that I am not ready for. I’m afraid. I’m sure it will be okay but it’s going to take a lot to get through the transitions. I don’t know if I have it in me. I’m going to have to pull from a source of strength that I don’t have.

I suppose it’s a combination of nerves, catastrophizing, disappointment in the world I live in and low self esteem.

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Good luck with therapy, @bittercat. You have worth. We appreciate you on this forum. Finding something interesting is all we can do. Whether it’s your gardening or the show Wandavision for me. Keep up the good work.

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