Its so difficult but I can’t stop hating myself. I try to think positive of myself, but I feel so much resentment hatred and bitterness in my heart. I don’t know why because I love my husband and am happy with him, so where does it come from. I cannot accept my body and its flaws, and I cannot accept that there is suffering in life, when a difficult thing happens to me I act like a spoilt brat that I am and think I am entitled to a life of ease. I get angry at God instead of trusting in Him. My husband sometimes despairs with me because I am too scared in life and moan such a lot. I see so much wickedness in me and loathe myself, maybe that’s why it is so easy to get self-harm urges. I wish I could change and become a better person, less selfish and spoilt, but I don’t know how to change. I just feel so insecure. I don’t know what to do to change for the better and love myself. I wish I knew…
You are not alone. I feel very much the same.
You mentioned that you have borderline personality disorder, have you ever considered DBT? Dialectical Behavioral Therapy - it is a form of CBT therapy with added spiritual undertones, like some Zen philosophies - meditation, mindfulness, deep breathing exercises etc… It is the primary form of therapy for borderline patients and can be a very effective treatment for those suffering from impulsiveness rapid emotional mood shifts cutting etc…
we must all accept our selves it is the hardest thing to do…
i have to accept i cut my head up, i have scars like edward scissor hands !!
you need to find the beauty in your life, internally and externally…
you are a beautiful person…you just need to find it.
You are spoiled?! You think that you are spoiled?!
Do you have any one of the base nessecities to be well?
Healthy food, healthy drink, safety, efficable medicine, your health(thats a big part of the foundation), immortality/long enough life, solid unit of family and friends, comfortable and safe natural environment, enough money, intelligence/good mind, back up if you need it.
Do you have these things?
Almost none on earth have these things, spoiled, i don’t think so.
You are not spoiled. You are a beautiful young woman that is dealing with the same kinds of feelings all woman go through ( everyone actually! ) I am getting older and worrying over my looks now. I know therapy at different points in my life has helped me over some rough points and transitions. Do you have a therapist?
Saadiqah, you are a wonderful person , you simply have to learn to love yourself and stop comparing your life with others. As the saying goes, there will always be someone who has "more of everything you wanted in yourself, but for some reason, haven’t learned to accept as beautiful, because it just is.
There will always be others who suffer more unnecessarily in life, and while wanting to help is good, you cannot help all afflicted. God has chosen their way of life for whatever reason, so sometimes the best thing you can do for them is to give them some hope.
I believe your husband would very much appreciate you becoming a more confidant, happy wife so that you may share that with him and he with you. Consider practicing for not only yourself, but for your husband.
Confidence and happiness are two things most men find very attractive in a woman, and any woman can make herself more attractive by having those two traits.
It wont come overnight, as it takes many years to achieve, but doing a little every day that you can will bring you closer to your desire. It is also something that isn’t really every mastered, but considered more a project in the works.
So take today to appreciate what you do have, say a prayer for those who have less, and walk with confidence in your step. If you like jokes perhaps you could find a joke a day to share with your husband, and don’t forget to find something to compliment your husband on to let him know you appreciate him.
Men eat that up non-stop.
Hope this helps.
You are just as beautiful as any other woman in the world, but each woman needs to know all are beautiful, and stop competing with each other. Everyone has a different opinion as to what is beautiful, that is why we all look so different.
Your husband loves you the way you are, but nothing says you can’t improve the things you wish were different.
Dont hate yourself. If anything, it is ok to hate schizophrenia. It’s not your fault. But seriously, what @Wave said about borderline personality disorder and therapy for it- that was totally spot on, that was a test question in abnormal psychology, “which of the following treatments is most efficacious for borderline personality disorder?” and he gave a perfect answer.
Be grateful to have a loving husband and dont blame yourself for having schizophrenia. That is a big hurdle I had to jump and I see a lot of people on here struggle with it, which makes me sad. You will not be happy if you dwell on blame- there is no one to blame for having schizophrenia. I smoked pot every night for like six months, normal people do that and dont become permanently psychotic. I had to quit blaming myself and it took a while, it didnt happen overnight. I have friends who do LSD and ecstasy and smoke week on top of it and do ADHD meds and I could go on and on about how they use and arent schizophrenic.
I dont accept when people try to blame me for this. It runs in my family and I fit all of the causation theories, even the obsolete ones, so it makes perfect sense for me to have it. I showed signs at 11 years old, I had a delusion that I caused my aunt to have a miscarriage. It runs in my family tree. I was molested when I was 4 or 5. I nearly died when I was 8. I was bullied off and on until the age of 16. I jerked off alot as a kid and didnt even have my first kiss until I was 20 years old. I smoked pot every night for about 6 months, but everyone in Colorado smokes morning and night and they arent all psychotic.
You see, there is so much other stuff to blame other than yourself. At least for me there is. Bottom line is that you didnt smoke tons of meth or stick cocaine in your ears with a q-tip so dont blame yourself. Even if you did, you would have to get over it to be at peace.