I can’t accept reality because I don’t want to be schizophrenic

I have delusions about being in control of my symptoms. That I cheated the system. Of course I never thought that i was cheating the system until after I started thinking my family was trying to kill me and my boss was into organized crime and had already been diagnosed for some time…But lets ignore that fact and keep on thinking were a slick psychopathic genius.

What the ■■■■. Time to accept reality.

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changes are not required , it just comes with you naturally.

I spend most of my good days convinced I faked being sick on my bad days. It’s just the illness. It makes us think we’re fine.


It took me a while to come to terms with the disease and treatment. But the sooner that happens the better.

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My nurse told me that the way ive been talking makes her think whats happening rn is less schizophrenia (though it plays a significant role nonetheless) and more ‘grief over the dx’.

I have a thought like “did i fake it”?
Normal brain: no.
Schizophrenic brain: “hell yeah i faked it! See im not sick and to prove it to ‘normal brain’ im going to obsessively think over this for the next couple years or so”

Sz is a ■■■■■, and a mother ■■■■■■■

Now I have to try and remember this. Will I? Probably not. In fact Im willing to bet ill even forget to tell myself to forget. Like @DrZen said, change comes naturally for me. I hate that thats as true as it is. Its my reality.

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It seems a lot of people think they’ve faked it. I never felt that way

At times I feel like maybe I’m faking it with negative symptoms cuz I can’t get going on anything, but it’s a very unatural feeling, and i know what it feels like when there isn’t any symptoms so that’s how I can tell I’m not faking it.

And looking back at the psychosis episodes I had there is a 0% chance I was faking it was way too insane.


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