Schizophrenia.com

I call my father a wicked stepfather

He violently demanded perfect submission. I am so glad he is gone now. He is responsible for many injuries. What good is it to be a provider when I can’t even eat or speak.
I can begin to heal now.

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Yeah, he sounds like he was a control freak. But you can only blame so much on your parents. Now it’s your responsibility to make your life better.

The problem now is that, as a kid,I got into copying my dad, beating my cat and forcing her to sleep with me when she didn’t want to. Some of that is still with me.

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Out of all that you have written in your post - 6 words stick out at me the most - " I can begin to heal now"

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Yes. It’s a matter of having ones cards squarely on the table. No being a fool.

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Thats right, stay strong Chordy - It seems like you are making an attempt at healing, or maybe the process has begun already - I wish you the best

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It’s amazing how we pass down what’s happened from above. I’m glad you can now start to heal. :sunny:

It’s amazing how abuse changes the thinking and emotions of those who have been abused. It’s a lifelong battle to just be myself. I don’t have complete control over myself beause I’ve been trained to fear people and myself.

Abuse and schizophrenia seems to be common. Although I was never abused in the traditional sense - I was neglected in some ways, due to my Moms depression, and knew fear very well thanks to my constant daily severe panic attacks I experienced. I am starting to see that there might be a connection with a childhood filled with fear and a diagnosis of schizophrenia - fear and schizophrenia go hand in hand it seems

I was abused physically as a teen. My step-mom broke my hand one day. I live with the scars.

Im so sorry that this happened to you alien, I hope you are healing emotionally as well

Thanks @Wave One of the best moments of my life came when I was 18. My dad hit me, but I stood my ground and punched him in the nose! He never messed with me again.

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Its good to stand your ground, Ive done it with my brother and his wife, but more on a verbal level - it felt good just the same

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I am a bit in awe of you guys for being able to do that…

I have to learn how to stand my ground better. I usually run and hide. It’s so easy for me to lock the doors, draw the blinds and not answer calls. People do get the hint that I’m miffed with them when I completely disappear.

But that never seems to clear the air when I’m forced out of my cave. I have more to learn.

I run and hide too. When I’m faced with anger I freeze. I cannot respond. I go away within myself. Sometimes there is no me. I’m just an empty shell. Nothing inside but fear.

to beautiful chordy,
i had abusive parents and you do take on their traits, i worried that i would turn out like my dad and mum but i realized that i am nothing like them, but i did have to work on some things, that is normal for everyone i think.
take care

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