I don’t live i just strategize and survive.
Sorry to be negative but I am so tired of just living to look functional. Almost every task is so hard and I try my best to make it look like it’s easy enough for me. I really have no choice otherwise I would just be whining or not doing anything which I don’t have the choice to do being in a family. I do solitude rest self care push self. I use signs to remind me of routines. I go to a hospital group once a week and get to see psych every 3 months and started seeing a counselor now once a week at hospital for grief because of whatever this is. There is nothing wrong in my life and I can’t function and no one can tell me why. How cam i stay here and be a shell of a persin that i was and try to be a mom and wife? Psych doesn’t know or won’t say yet and eeg’s etc are normal. Why is this happening? I can’t even talk to people about this because it feels like conversations get too complicated and overwhelming and I just need to keep things easy.
The struggle is that it’s a struggle to do anything. Everything feels so hard. It takes everything in me to do small things. I have to make myself do big things sometimes so I just store my energy up like crazy. It’s hard to interact with my family members even my kids and I just feel myself shutting down so bad right now. Everything feels hard, I don’t mean emotionally I am talking about difficulties to do a task. To socialize.
I’m so tired and when I do share my struggles just so people know that it’s really too hard for me to do certain things then it is just hurting my husband and kids. If I had a way to but I would just move out and see them now and then so then I could be alone more of the time. Yeah I ventIng. … sorry… I have no other place to have a much needed freak out. I’ve tried calming but I guess I’m having real emotions.
Tell me this will get better. I am losing hope.
This is very relatable. And if it got better for me, it can get better for you. But remember that recovery is non-linear. There are ups and downs during healing, just like with anything else.
Hope is a very valuable thing. I wouldn’t still be here without it.
My Dear Friend,
I read a few years ago that
Schizophrenia is a Brain De-generative disease
and with time my Cognitive abilities got better and better
the truth ---- use of large doses of important health supplements.
Whenever I don’t use supplements I get mad and furious.
I feel like I am just getting through the days at times too. I am like WTF is the point? I get so down at times. My life has been pretty hard and now I am HERE? Please tell me that isn’t true. ■■■■■■■ sad.
I know what you mean. It can be such a struggle to keep on going with no motivation and little to look forward to. Things that used to be fun and easy can seem insurmountable and other people just don’t get what you are going through. Sometimes I just get frozen and I can’t cope with all the things I need to do. But I think that things can improve. It sounds like you have some good support around you and some routines in place. Maybe the new counselor will be helpful. I think that talking things through with an outsider can bring a bit of perspective. If you are still feeling exhausted and sad, try talking to your doctor again. Perhaps antidepressants may be an option? T.
I spent most of my adult life just surviving. Every day was a struggle, and I was using all of my energy just to barely make it through everything I had to do do keep my family taken care of. The idea of enjoying anything was a foreign concept. But it did eventually get better.
It happened very gradually, but one day I realized that I had make the transition from surviving to actually living. I started having hopes again, and believing that my dreams were possible. I think part of it was finding the right medicine. Part of it was that my life got a bit more stable, and I didn’t have to take care of everyone as much anymore. But it is possible to come back to the world after spending a long time in survival mode.
It’s true. I spent years gradually paring away all sorts of things from my life - friends, family, going out, reading, watching television, listening to music, as I just felt less and less capable of doing these things. I felt all my energy was needed just to survive.
It can turn around. I got out of an awful job, on meds, into therapy, back to school - I feel far more capable than I have in years of succeeding.
I am feeling the same way today. Lately I have been having to make myself eat. Feeling like I could jump out of my skin yet impossible to use the tension for anything productive.
I appreciate ninjastar’s post. It is easy to forget that at times, even though I have been better and worse, sometimes it’s bad enough that it seems like there won’t be a better again. But there will, unless I give up, which I’m not. Might be a bump on a log for awhile, but I’m a breathing bump.
Yep get that.
Just focusing on anything at all i canan offer to my family.
Yes, ninjastar and Rhubot just wrote what was on my mind when reading Insight’s post.
I think, Insight, you are doing everything right, so I guess you don’t have to be anxious, success comes as a reward after period of sustaining through it.