I’ve tried everything in my power to make a normal life, but it’s impossible. I see the future with more and more suffering, the years will pass and it will still be worse. I’m a burden for my family, I can’t work, I think I’ll never have children and I believe that life only makes sense with them, I don’t know what life is, the only thing clear to me is the instinct of reproduction and I’m pretty sure I will not get that goal (children, the sex is secondary for me and I already have had a few relations).
I have internet “friends” but that doesn’t help me, they don’t really know me, I’m tired of looking for real friends and when I find some they don’t make me happy.
I don’t believe in the medication, although I have taken it for many years, the medicines have never helped me.
It seems like all the people I’m with end up hating me. Many of them would like me to commit suicide, and I’m seriously considering doing so.
I belief alot of pwople on here have or do feel that way I get that way quiet often. Sometimes you have to draw a line with yourself and get what you want in life. Don’t let the fear or the judgment of others stop you or let the negative thoughts get to you. It’s hard to shed the cloud we sit in sometimes and walk out the door. But hey what’s the worst that could happen? Stay positive no matter how bad you feel inside or on the outside and things will move in a postuce direction. Just don’t look back thats where the past and all the negative Is.
I have thought about living in another house that my family have in a town and start from 0, they let me live there, the town is next to my city. I have no hope that it will work out. Or I try that or I end up with my life, I havn’t no more options. I don’t know what to do. Very tired and fed up with everything.
Thanks but probably your life is a bit more easy than mine.
Maybe you need to change your priorities. If having children is not going to happen for you than maybe you can concentrate your energies and desires into something else. If you like children maybe you can get some kind of kid-related volunteer job to be around them and help them. Maybe a tutoring job or a daycare or pre-school…
Any thing you decide to do think positively about and don’t let worry hold you back in making the right choices.
I can’t even lay down to sleep without hearing a swarm of voices and images flooding in. And feeling like my mind is being drug miles down the road which in turn makes me feel like I’m somehow being invasive to someone. I get so frustrated and feel zero privacy. Idk how I spiraled back to this point but I still have no idea how to handle the over stimulation that I receive. I’m still happy somehow because I know that myself is not in control of ehat I hear and see.
So, I would like to share with you my situation. See, I don’t have the option not to work, even though I would like not to. I was recently diagnosed, yet I have to work or else I will be homeless or close to it. You have the option apparently, due to family support and property ownership. At least, your family has a house. I have family as well, but only my mother and she is very old. So considering many schizo are homeless, or do not own a house like me, you have an objective advantage. It may not seem like much, but it is a start. Family and financial stability are keys to recovery and many people start without them.
Second, at least you have friends and people you know on the Internet. It is not a lot, but it is also a start. Maybe you don’t want “real” friends. Maybe there is no difference between real friends and “fake” friends. Maybe you can change your friends. A lot of maybes, but that’s the truth and schizo makes it hard to tell what is definitive and what is not (leap to conclusions is a symptom).
Once you hit bottom (your bottom) there is nowhere to go but up. And apparently, your bottom is a lot higher than other people’s bottoms. In fact, your bottom (family, financial stability, some kind of friends) is the key to success in the long term. Just by posting on the Internet, you are ahead of a lot of people.
Also I would like to share with you some theory of schizophrenia I read that evolution favors schizophrenia. Google schizophrenia evolution and you will find many articles. That means, that schizophrenia must be a selected trait and passed down through the millennia (1/100 people is too much to be coincidence IMO) so having children is not necessarily ruled out. It fact it must have happened and been favored, for schizophrenia to be so common.
Another thing that sounds absolutely awful is, perhaps you do want sex, or a part of you does. Schizophrenia is an illness of the mind after all and much of that mind is from primitive neanderthal instincts. Yes, I am suggesting you watch porn and “trick” your mind, or at least start looking at women / men again. Because once you do, you may find yourself happier. The animal brain has no idea the difference between sex for pleasure or sex for children and you might find yourself happier if you stop making the distinction. Sex is sex, and looking is a start.
I do not know the details enough to know how true what I say above is and I don’t need to. Just by being able to post here you are ahead of a lot. You are not a failure… you just don’t know which way to go, like you said. Once you figure a way to go, you will be happy again.
Forget about “normal”, make a life that you want, starting with something small.
This is my opinion, message me if you wish a friend or more opinions. Good luck.
@Atoru . You have to stop comparing yourself to normies. I do this a lot and it’s not helpful. Your life isn’t like theirs.
Recovery can take years and years. You’re stable, and still alive. You have a roof over your head. You have family around you. The future can only get better
I’ve failed at everything in life too. That just goes along with a sz/sza diagnosis. That’s what my nurse told me. That’s just to be expected. As far as wanting to commit suicide, you need to inform your doctor about that or call 911. Do you have a plan? If you do, call 911 now. Or call the Boys Town Crisis Hotline at: 1 800-448-3000 It’s not just for boys, it’s for everybody, and they are wonderful people.
Thank you to all, sorry for my pessimism. I’m going to leave this magnificent forum for personal reasons but it has been very helpful for me, in Spain there is not such a large community of schizophrenics, it’s like a single US state. Thank you very much.
I just want to say one more thing. Here you are very confident in the medication and in the psychiatrists, psychologists …, the drugs I doubt that they really help someone, I think more in the suggestion and in the placebo effect, we all have better moments and worse and I think you should not put the merit of your improvement on them. With my many years of experience with them and the information I have been collecting for years on the real effects of antipsychotics on countless studies, (not just those interested in continuing to make money on drugs), I have come to the conclusion that everything is a scam of pseudoscience of psychiatry. Only money and power, no real interest in healing.
Psychiatrists do not really know how the brain works, I invite you to inform yourself a lot on the internet and read different points of view. Drugs destroy your brain bit by bit, that’s real. This is only my opinion and I share it with my best intention, I am sure that many of you are helped with them, at least to calm down, maybe it works for hallucinations as I have already commented with other patients, I can not comment there. Just watch in Youtube videos about anti-psychiatry, about the ancient and recent history of psychiatry and their ways of “healing” us.
This really is only valid for me, everyone will know what is best for him/her or if the medicines really help. If they would help me I would take them without doubt.
Thanks again. Nice community. The sicks are better people than society says, I have also checked it here.
I agree with alot of what you said. In my opinion alot of use were very rational and intelligent at the time of onset. When you listen to everything your doc says and not form rational answers and questions yourself you are giving your control to them. Then after you have been on meds lo g enough you lose your confidence in besting your illness and just learn to be belittled by it. Just my opinion I may be a little more strong headed and questioning than some on this forum, mods delete if this isnt excepteable.
APs are compared to placebo in countless studies, not that it was needed, their effectiveness was already obvious to someone living in an asylum.
It is true that ‘scientific psychiatry’ is a young discipline with limited knowledge about our brains, but even medieval medicine was better than no cure at all or witchcraft…
Failing means you are trying. Trying means you are on the road to recovery. At some point you’ll start having successes (I suspect you have already, but they were smaller than the failures and got ignored). Just keep pushing forward, I bet you’re getting close to the successes. As the saying goes, “don’t quit 5 minutes before the miracle.”
Are you keeping a recovery journal? Are you recording even small successes? That will really help.
I was failing horribly until I wasn’t, but the change was so gradual at first that it was hard to notice.
I agree with @shutterbug in a way. I might venture a guess and say that you might possibly have a victory occasionally. But if you’re like me, on our bad days we forget about are successes and victories. And even on our good days we might tend to downplay our good qualities and the positive things about ourselves. It’s just a guess.
similar life here. i have friends here in this forum apart from that not much dependable due to inequalities in social status.
i have tried committing and have scars on hand that does not go away. it really makes life more sad.
but each time i fail or feel there is no improvement. i think there is still some hope somewhere that i live a life to satisfy atleast myself. even i become obsolete it only concerns me. so i try to maintain self esteem self respect as much as possible.
Sometimes the road isn’t like story devices
Rise the fall etc,
Or like movies with a happy resolution.
Maybe just maybe, (on rare occasions that is)
it can be entirely ■■■■■■ up just enough for it all to fall back in place again, senses come back and the heart of the matter returns to the very essence.
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