Schizophrenia.com

I am very surprised

#1

My youngest brother finally had his mental crash like we all knew he would. Before he ended up in hospital last week, the youngest brother wrote everyone of us in the family a long large letter cussing us all out, crying for help, recalling jokes and planning his final exit. We all got them in the mail over the week.

These letters were a bit sad, a bit sweet, scary, disorganized, disturbing, uncomfortable, rambling, odd and on and on and each of them different and ranting and just makes me shake my head and say… “Poor guy, I remember too well the pain of my brain zinging around like that.” I remember being on the edge of psychosis, convinced it wasn’t me… it was them… it was all them… I was fine, but I wanted to kill myself… I’m so glad I’m not on that ledge anymore.

Chain reaction… my other brother who we’ve also been expecting to crash, (one year younger then I) who is almost ready to loose his wife, who had resumed his relationship with alcohol and weed got his letter and read it in horror. I guess his letter hit very close to home. Scared the wits out of him and for the first time in a long time, he asked his wife for help and he’s decided it’s time to drastically change his life.

I don’t know if that means he and I will ever be friends. But for the first time in a long time, he is actually listening to his wife, not threatening his kids and open to getting professional help.

Honestly, I never though this day would happen. Never in a million years would this man admit he was anything like us. Now he’s asking for help and has admitted not all is right in his world.

I am very surprised. I’m also even more hopeful.

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#2

I’m glad to hear that good is coming out of all of this. Sometimes what looks like negatives can be big positives. Hopefully now everyone in your family is firmly on the road of recovery.

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#3

I know just why he was avoiding it. When I was first hospitalized and wanted to go home, the doctor said, finally, “ok, but it’s going to be hell”. It is hell to face up to the facts that put one in the hospital.

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#4

Very true. That simple sentence holds volumes. Thank you for that.

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#5

I’m beginning to see that as the case more and more. I was thinking back on the time when I tried my final exit and I wondered if I could go back in time, would I snap myself out of it and change it?

Yes, it was horrid and my lowest moment in my life, but it had to be reached so I could get to the place where I am now. If the past hadn’t played out the way it had, the future wouldn’t be what it is today.

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#6

Your family has really had a rough go of it, but it sounds like everything is finally pulling together and heading in the right direction. :thumbsup:

I have had this thought in the back of my mind lately that I just need to let go. Try as I might I cannot control my son. Not really control control, but help him control. I’m beginning to think that instead of trying so hard to keep bad things from happening, I need to just let things happen and if he hits bottom, perhaps that is what is needed. Instead of orchestrating his plan of action for recovery (to little or no avail lately), I feel like I am hovering around the outside of him just waiting to catch him when he falls.

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#7

I’m glad to hear your family is getting better. Going to the hospital for the first time was rock bottom for me. It made me realize how I needed to change my life for the better. Maybe it will be like that for your brother.

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#8

My parents have said this. They have said this to all of us boys… “we’ll be there when you fall but we can’t keep holding you up”

I guess it’s the hardest waiting game ever.

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#9

Yes, it gets pretty heavy :grimacing:

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