Last night upon the parents request I went over and got some clothing for my little brother and took some stuff to Harbor View. The minute I walked in, it was all too familiar. My last stay at Harbor View was only 6 years ago.
Yes… there were a few nurses on duty who vaguely recognized me… and then when I told them my name, one of them asked if I was feeling Ok, did I want to see a doctor. Did I need to talk to someone, how were my med’s?.. I was being assessed??
Since I had a small bag of clothing in my hand they might of thought I was trying to check in.
It was making my skin crawl being in that wing again. The smell of antiseptic, the lighting, the echoey sound down the halls when you walk with shoes, the rushing by of doctors… it was getting to me.
It was very unusual walking into that hospital under my own power, lucid and calm and collected. The memories it brought up were too vivid. I was feeling like I was floating out of my body again. I had to get out of there before I got admitted.
Did not see the little brother. Right now, our parents are the only ones seeing him briefly. Harbor View is Ok. It’s not dirty, they know what they are doing. Swedish is better, but everyone seems to go through Harbor View first.
No diagnosis yet. I’m told they are trying to stabilize him right now.
Thank you for that. I was getting nervous when they were asking me questions. I had this fear that I would tell them I wasn’t ill and they would say “yes we know, denial is part of the illness”
It’s odd to see how patient and calm my parents have become over the years. I vaguely remember my Mom getting very heated with doctors who couldn’t answer her questions. She wanted fast action and answers.
Now both my parents seem to be sitting back and saying… “It’s going to take some time, they’ll let us know when their done. Don’t sweat it.”
My Mom then turned to my Dad and asked if he had eaten today and maybe they could go out and get something… I was looking at my Mom thinking “who is this patient mellow woman and what did she do with my Mom?”
Do you find yourself getting more used to situations like this as time goes on?
I haven’t had much experience yet dealing with crisis but yes with each situation it gets easier in a way because knowing what to expect or not expect makes dealing with it easier. I don’t expect to get quick answers or immediate attention.
It’s like the first time I took my son to emergency as a baby with a high fever. I freaked on them threatening to sue them if something happened to my son as they weren’t doing anything about it. Just sending me home to see his family doctor the next day. I think it was just an ear infection Or the first time I woke up to find my daughter had snuck out of the apartment. I got used to childhood fevers and my daughter sneaking out of the apartment lol.
I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this. I’m sorry your brother is going through this, but from what you wrote before I’m glad he’s finally getting help. I’ve never been on the other side of treatment, I’ve always been the one in the family that’s been in the hospital. It’s scary not knowing what is going on with you, I can’t imagine what it was like for my family. But your brother is in good hands, just remember that. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
I’ve been on both sides a few times now. My Dad had a heart attack about 7 years ago, but I was still on drugs and still out of my head so that one hit me, but didn’t really register. I remember seeing in him hospital and I remember being ushered out.
My kid sis was in hospital about two months ago for stomach surgery and even though everyone else was sort of OK with it, I was a complete flipping mess for a while. I was bordering on some serious melt down. No one would tell me what was happening to her and why. That one hit hard and stuck.
For some reason, I’m a little more OK with my younger brother. Still sad for him, still relieved for me. I think it’s because I understand detox and rehab, I know exactly what happens and why at Harbor View.
I know that if he’s lucky… this is a low as it’s going to go and he doesn’t loose absolutely everything. It’s just odd to see my parents to mellow and patient with this.
Thank you for the kind thoughts. I have a feeling things are going to get even better for us.
Or the first time I woke up to find my daughter had snuck out of the apartment. 
I got used to childhood fevers and my daughter sneaking out of the apartment lol.