All systems fail and they do it all the time. That even includes the personal support systems I have set up for myself (which is why I now make sure I have more than one). I am careful to avoid depending on others more than I need to.
I was fortunate enough to have someone to teach me to fight. The only things that follow giving up are suffering and death.
ok, idk what to say to this. Maybe I can erase those last two decades… ill continue to fight cause I really dont want to die still. I really didn’t see a lot from life.
but with my baby steps, I wont go very far I find.
My mom was saying to my ‘‘I cant’’ in the past that I have one another option left - the death, yeah…
Hi @anon82948922, how are you?!! @far_cry0, also stopped to talking to me!!!
I agree with Pixel here, Anna. Everyone has battles to fight. Some have easier ones, some are less fortunate. We must NOT compare ourselves to others. We must be compassionate and also have the mindset of a warrior. Be a warrior too Anna !!
Do you remember Xena? 
U both guys are highly functional …both have a decent job and have kids too…so i respect both of u…!! @anon68148378 dinner liya … @anon82948922 have u had ur breakfast …!!!
thanks Andrey, yeah I need to be a warrior! Do you find me different now in my writings? do I seem confused? I still cant think a lot tbh.
Yes far cry Having dinner. Fish curry.
You can’t erase them, but you can learn from them.
Kusbu …machli ka …!!! Haha …!!!
I can send pics!!!
Plz aku …!!! Just pm me…!!!
I can assure you that everyone who recovered from schizophrenia is a warrior, because the battle is hard and bloody.
You can be a warrior princess 
Don’t be scared to change. For you it can only get better from now.
You don’t seem confused. You just seem desperate and it’s normal.
Use all your energy to change your life.
Yes, I am a bit desperate. I think the bigger dosage of my Zyprexa has its role in this. I am more in the reality, less dreamy I guess. is it a good thing lol?
Yes of course
Hahaha is it fish curry…plz eat it and replay me …it looks tasty…
There is nothing to erase, they are gone forever, but you can do something about this third decade. 
First thing you need to do is clear the air with your mother. Tell her you are decided to get better. Tell her you have schizo and BPD. Tell her you love her but want to get better now.
What will she answer?? I am curious…
Aku fish ka naam kya hein …karp asla bighead…!!
she says that I cant even go out so she doesn’t see it… she says that the tempo of my recovery is too slow and if ill make it ill be old and ill regret even those days…
I think your mom is a little bit toxic, with her pessimistic remarks. Don’t you agree??