It is hard to overcome the feeling of hatred when it has been fueled by persecutory delusions, paranoia and tactile hallucinations. It can become overwhelming very easily.
We know that:[quote=“darksith, post:16, topic:14952”]
hating people is a waste of energy and time…it only effects you…not ’ them '.
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How do you cope with it (besides medications and therapies) ?
What are your coping mechanisms that help you not care about other people, not care about negativity caused by people? How do you rationalize?
Hm, I have had a problem with hating a guy at work. My solution to calm these feelings is to make a joke of it (him). Whenever I see him I just think, “there’s Douche Princess.” I know it’s not nice, but it takes my mind off the sexual harassment (where he would talk about his sexual conquests at work in front of women).
This however, has caused some problems for me, because dad’s secretary likes Douche Princess. She wanted to hear the story. I was disgusted by it. It has driven a wedge between us. I hope she comes to her senses and realizes that he is an awful person. It would take a lot, I’m sure.
How I prevent myself from hating someone is the following. Given the fact that all decisions in life are influenced by the previous chain of events you experienced in your life, one can assume that if you had the exact some experiences and genetics of the other person, you would have made the same decision.
For example, how house was broken into last year. Although I was initially furious I did not remain so as long. I asked myself what would have led to someone breaking into my house? One possibility is that their parents did not discipline well enough. Another is perhaps they’re a psychopath, which means it’s due to genetics. Another is that their culture or friends glorified that kind of behavior. Most likely it’s a combination of all of the above.
I can only assume if I was born a psychopath, if my parents neglected me and if my culture glorified crime, then I would have broken into houses. I pity the person more than anything else, since they’ll probably get thrown in jail and have a miserable life due to the poor decisions they made while young.
I used to hate my dad because of his many issues, as well as his emotional abuse towards my mom.
I don’t hate him anymore. That doesn’t mean I like him, but I don’t hate him. I would say I overcame it through a mixture of things. Maybe one or two will be useful to you.
The biggest tool in overcoming hatred I found is understanding. When I began to understand my dad and the source of his issues (ie his dad was WAY more awful, he has anxiety issues that translate into rage, etc) I began to see him as human rather than a monster. I saw his flaws, and also his good traits.
When people say they hate all people, it’s because of generalization. You’re lumping a ton of individuals who you don’t know at all and assigning them only negative traits. Very easy to do. It’s how people kill other people all over the world. See others as individuals who you don’t know, may share a lot in common with, etc…it’s harder to hate.
It took me a lot of time away from him. When I wasn’t always around him it became easier to step back and be able to get away from his negative traits for a while. This could translate to you by taking a break from the traits in others that you hate. Stop saturating yourself in negative media for example and go read about all the good things people did for one another and the world. Give yourself time and space.
The biggest key I’d say though is learn how to put yourself in other’s shoes. Understanding makes hate impossible. And don’t group everyone together. You can’t hate people you don’t even know unless you throw them into some random group with assigned traits.
(And just to be fair, my dad also has been really working on changing his negative traits…he’s come pretty far from where he was)
Freud described sublimation which is transference of crap into other activities. Like take physical activity. Beating the ■■■■ out of a bag is healthier than being abusive to my family or myself.
I use a mantra that has no stipulated objective (e.g. “overcoming” the emotions).
The mantra is…
Observe to notice to recognize to acknowledge to accept to own to appreciate to understand to digest to transcend.
One has to “do” the first six; the last four occur in their own time as a result of doing the first six. The order may be slight different depending upon the circumstances. One notice before one begins to observe, for example.