had a horrid combination of paranoia and rage (i’m schizoaffective) due to bad ■■■■ that keeps happening on the internet, the world, and in my social circles, nearly relapsed in self harm, and just sat there afterwards wondering why i’m like this and why i’ve turned so hateful all of a sudden, i remember last year i practiced a lot of kindness towards myself and others but now i’m just full of hate. ironically towards things i considered hateful. i have to keep stopping myself from sending anonymous messages telling people to commit suicide or wishing other violent things on them due to their ideas, thankfully i have not sent a single message like that because i knew it would achieve nothing. but still i just wonder why everything’s lead up to this point where i do nothing but just sit in my room and look at current events and see hateful ■■■■ on the internet and just let myself boil and boil until i freak out and persecute others i believe to be arbiters of evil. it’s hard to let myself just go, humans are humans and there will always be differences but the differences just wrack me so badly and fill me with a disgust that isn’t healthy at all. with all the venting out of the way, people who’ve experienced similar types of rage due to schizoaffectivity and were able to eventually cope, how did you move past that feeling of rage and the need to persecute others?
Maybe you should try a mood stabilizer. I get intense emotions if I don’t take them.
Sometimes my head is not a safe place to visit.
I used to get angry while driving as I felt cars were trying to intimidate me with their brake lights. I worked on it in therapy for a half year and no longer get angry but instead get confused in those instances.
I had anger issues since I started brexpiprazole. I didn’t realise it was a side effect that occurs when the medicine wears off, which it did every morning. I tried all sorts of anger management techniques. I learned some things about myself, but in the end it was solved by upping my dosage so it wouldn’t wear off.
Welcome aboard!
Lots of anger management therapy.
Welcome to the forum @nyazedone !
Ask your doctor about being on a mood stabilizer
Anger is not always a bad thing. It can be s catalyst for change if you are open to it.
I often deal with homicidal thoughts when triggered. Lately accompanying that is anger. Which is scary. So I remove myself from triggers, take my prn which is olanzapine and try to sleep it off. Then in turn, self hate pops up. It’s all very strange. And no med for it really.
Now I’m also trying to juggle paranoia and delusional thinking. Med appt soon. Hoping for a change. I can’t keep this up.
Welcome to the forum 
On Zyprexa low doses I am angry and hateful now on 30mg I live a more peaceful life I have built tolerance to Zyprexa so such a high dose is not that bad for me at least on 10mg I would daydream torture and death and have homicidal ideation and suffer from sociopathic ways of thinking to be honest I acted similar to a person with frontal lobe syndrome it was an awful experience and I lacked insight to make things worse Zyprexa is the only thing that helps me and if it does not I take a benzodiazepine caffeine is a big tigger for me I have stopped it and it is a by far a lot more manageable
I’m reading and feeling like you’re bringing yourself unneeded shame for something that is just human to feel.
Actually, I feel like it’s quite common for a lot of us right now to shame ourselves for having negative emotions and it’s very unhealthy.
Sometimes that rage is quite well put. There are some people in my mind who I genuinely believe do not deserve my kindness or forgiveness - no matter what. And you know what? It helps me process it by simply allowing myself to feel that way.
We can’t expect ourselves to feel good about some things that just don’t feel good or feel right.
Otherwise, I like to channel those emotions into writing. Doesn’t matter what kind of writing is, fictional or poetry or just nonsense… It’s important to allow them though.
Personally, I have a big issue with a lot of the stuff that gets put out there that suggests we should feel good all the time or that being ‘present’ is some kind of ultimate answer and cure for everything - it isn’t.
That kind of stuff to me seems to be what eventually leads to some kind of outburst or upset or something like what you’re going through. We just need to learn to manage our emotions - positive and negative - for our benefit rather than detriment through suppression or repression.
I saw this clip earlier and thought of this discussion…
This is actually one of my favorite moments in this show lol…
My fluphenazine was making me irritable and I was getting angry for no reason. I found out later that is was a side effect of fluphenazine. I tried committing suicide twice in a 2 month period, which included me calling my mother a controlling b**** and coaxing my father into punching me(which he did).
When I was on the fifth floor a pdoc (not my main pdoc) put me on 1 mg of risperidone once a day. They gave me a pamphlet that had the side effects and why it is used. I read that one of the reasons it is used is to treat anger in autistic children. I went home after he prescribed it to me and haven’t been angry for no reason since and haven’t tried self harm since then. Ask your pdoc about it. It’s helped me tremendously since I was prescribed it.
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