My boyfriend is undiagnosed with schizophrenia, but he’s told me of hallucinations and voices that lead him to believe he is. I am not schizophrenic. I suffer from anxiety, but that’s about it. Our relationship isn’t the most healthy - the good times are often overshadowed by the bad. So far, his illness hasn’t made a tremendous impact. But I fear that it will, and it’s very difficult for me to not think about the worst case scenario. He oftentimes diminishes and dismisses my worries about what could happen. I see his point and I don’t dwell on future outcomes, but it is also not fair of him to treat me as if my concerns are not valid.
He also has an obsession with women outside the relationship. Constantly speaking to and giving compliments to other women online to increase his self worth. Uploading selfies for likes to increase his self worth. I’ve told him many times he cannot be trusted on social media, due to the way he conducts himself towards other women. He continues to repeat the same pattern of behavior, despite telling him how I feel. I feel as though I will never know peace in this relationship. I love him to the core of who I am, but I feel deep down that this relationship is doomed.
I guess I’m asking for advice. I don’t know how to deal with his illness or how to be a good support system for him. He has no family to speak of, other than me and our daughter. At this point, I’m thankful we are not married. I hate to sound cruel, but I don’t think I could be okay with being stuck with him if the worst possible outcome did indeed happen. I don’t know how to trust him anymore. I feel like I am always in a competition for his attention. I feel like I am worthy of much more than what he is currently able to give me. My immense love for him keeps me here, but I can’t say for how much longer. And it absolutely breaks my heart to think that this could be ending. But at the same time, I deserve a man who won’t betray my trust time and time again. I deserve someone who doesn’t base their self worth on the likes he gets on photos. I deserve to be complimented, instead of watching him compliment other women online while I receive none.
I realize in some ways, what I expect is selfish. I realize not everything he does is related to his illness. But I am at such a loss on what to do or where to turn. I appreciate all and any who read this and take the time to respond. Thank you.