all i can think of is spok 
Youāre still very young. Donāt think of death - it takes away from your life today. You will have plenty of time to think about death when youāre 70. Until then, focus on making your life better. I know if can be hard sometimes - but its still worth it.
I am 53 and for the past six years have suffered from poor health and severe, constant pain. (physical). I do think about death. I look forward to it, but it has to be in Godās timing. Itās not a decision that I can make (suicide) because in my four attempts, each increasing in severity, God miraculously saved me from death. So I know there is more left for me here on earthā¦My death, the time and circumstances of it, are out of my hands. Only God can determine the end of life. I am in so much pain that living is quite agonizingā¦but I know that in the next life I will have peace and joy and a new HEALTHY body. I just have to make the best of every day I have left here on Earth. I hope you can find some hope and I hope you can get some illumination on the next life. This life is NOT all there is. But we cannot force Godās hand. Itā;s futile to try.
1 Like
To the OP
There is a thing in Buddhism called as the Dark Night. It is essentially immense despair, depression, breaking down and hopelessness of profound depth.
Now materialists would call it as Nihilism, But Buddhism welcomes this particular state of mind. A similar state of mind was present in Gautama Buddha at the age of 29 when he realized that Palace and Wealthy life did not give him happiness.
It is from this state of mind that one realizes that whatever he has done till now was worthless. Whatever he has experienced was essentially useless. That is not such a bad thing. Because atleast you are not one among the countless other ignorant humans who keep wandering around in their lives with an illusion that they are going the right way when they essentially are not. Atleast encountering a dark night of the soul would make you realize that you have been wrong all along. So you would drop the wrong path and start moving in the correct direction.
That is a realization too profound and too rare among humans.
Contemplating death the right way might increase happiness. It works for me. I read about Bhutan, happiness and contemplating death here (link below), but Iām sure there are better sources of information. And ruminating over death is probably something we should all avoid.
I dont know if its because of depression, but I think about death a lot.
I beieve in a Soul or Spirit, so I want to believe that we live on after our death.
Death hurts the living, our loved ones more than anything else.
Ok I usually donāt talk about religion here because it can feed into some peoples issues.
But at least for me, I used to have that fear all the time about death. But when I finally was able to contact God without interference from sz crap, he helps protect me from symptoms.
Then when you understand that Jesus died to save you from death, well there is no fear.
death isnt the end of us,
we go onā¦
For now, i dont live a good life. I dont feel good about life. I failed in everything i was working on prior to my onset. I am working on weight control and foot pain recently, and managing a simple job. This is almost all that i can do. I dont feel contend. I used to be a high achiever who produce excellency. Now that Iām full of limitations i could hardly work on any goals. I often make big mistakes that haunts me. Life is neither entertaining nor fulfilling. I really cant get good feelings but sadness and anxiety that i cant solve my problems a lot of time. I still feel very confused what to do with my life. I cant just live randomly every decads. I still have maybe 40 years. Thatās too much for me. I donāt want to live 30 or 40 years with this disability.
1 Like
30 or 40 is hopelessly too much for me. I am working on exercising to improve my life and solve some problems. But it takes 5 years to get me able to walk up the hills again. Arenāt it too slow? I have too little achieved and i have far too much needs not meet and pressing problems i find no hope to take care off. It takes 5 years to do 1 tenth of what i can do easily in the past. I dont want a body so lame.
Me too. I often think about death and when it is frequent, Iām think i need some help. Itās killing me. I donāt want to inflict further pain on my mother and Iām afraid i canāt die straight so i opt not to suicide by now. But cant say when my mother is gone.
I think i need to know more and talk more about it.
1 Like
Im really sorry you feel like this goggles. Really.
I know our lives are far from perfect. But the helplessness is avoidable. There are people out there that live happy lives with worse disabilities. Sometimes we just need to learn how to overcome ourselves with our shortcomings. Its digficult but its doable and it entertains the mind towards something positive. Try it before you give up
1 Like
Im flawed. I dont feel happy most of the time. It is not enjoyable to live 30 or 40 years like this. I just dont want to.
Everyone is flawed and most of us feel depressed. You know most people that try to commit suicide regrets it afterwards? I know I do.
2 Likes
Actually I dont want to suicide but am interested in euthanasia. Suicide is not good enough for me. I want to die a better death. I want to say goodbye to the world in a pleasant way.
Why regret? Why want to live? You know the most difficult parts are the lack of love and the lack of ability to do practically anything u need as a human.
I think that I dont know if there is an after life so if this is the only chance I got Im going to live it, with whatever comes my way. I have sz and I struggle with a particular delusion about my afterlife. I want to know but Iāll wait until my old age to find out. Thereās a lot in life to look forward to. More so than to cry about. I look forward to every different sunset and sunrise. I look forward in living every day since my suicide attempt. Even with sz even psychotic I held on to life, when I believed people wanted me to commit suicide. I struggled for a long time with these thoughts and eventually I saw that life is mostly enjoyable, with its little joys and quirks.
You showed me youāre a caring person. So deep within yourself thereās something that cares about all this. I would try and find it and hold on to it.
Actually i have never attempted suicide. Itās not something i want to do, to take life. I still cant do it. Canāt kill.
Yes Iām caring. I have very good character i was loved by many in my early life. They said Iām the best person they have ever seen. Not any longer. They just want to get rid of me now.
Iāve been able to hike and walk up the hill again recently and Iām doing it a lot this month. I have a lot of memories comes back and i seem to think and feel again all out of a sudden. I cry again. Havent cry for like five years. Im getting out my frustrations. Thank you for talking to me.
I cant find what i love about my new life yet. Today , i have a little pleasure in peeing. I mean i can pee when i want to. I laugh at myself. I measured myself and found i lost 1.5 lbs in the past two weeks. Itās sth i achieved. But it is just not enough for me. I want to do something hilarious. But Iām afraid i could never again.
1 Like
Peeing and pooping is awesome. If you think about it, its your body getting rid of whats not good for you. Also, did you know that after 10 years your skeleton completely regenerates itself? Thatās pretty cool also.
Iām sure , positive actually, that something good will come your way.
I lost my friends because of psychosis or because of their reaction to it. I feel blessed, didnāt want those people in my life in those circunstances anyway. Screw them and their stigma filled and ignorant brains.
Thats cool, I dont often talk about this. Itās good for me to remind myself of these issues at times.
1 Like
I lost my husband and my sister. I love them very much and i know they would not come back. So when my mom past away, Iām like alone.
I want to do something exciting. I intend to spend 2 years to lose the 60 lbs i gained on antipsychotics. I want to learn to write software and made something that can change the world for better. Thatās what i have in my to do list. But I have too weak a brain to do sth real good. Iām afraid Iād dissappoint myself and itās difficult to feel fail again.
2 Likes
I often feel that way about my mom as well. I dont know what will happen.
Try little steps, dont do it all at once. Those are great goals.
1 Like