Ever since I’ve been diagnosed with schizophrenia, I think about suicide almost every day. Often more than that. Today has been particularly hard for no particular reason. I don’t know why I’m suicidal. I have Christianity, I have a family, food, a home, relatives, everything I could possibly need, but I just feel like ending it all of the time. I’m even back in school, but I couldn’t get any studying done yesterday or today because I’ve been so depressed. I don’t even know why. Part of it is just that I feel that life is so hard and could easily derail, and part of it is that I hate myself. I think about the past and I just regret just about everything. How often do you think about suicide?
Not at all anymore unless its vicariously due to posts like these. People will help you with this.
that’s good that you don’t think about it anymore.
I think about death a lot but hardly suicide anymore. I can’t wait to die but I’m scared to do it on myself. I could relate to your post a lot. Life is hard, and I’m depressed, and hate myself. I’m always changing, I can never keep a straight tracked mind. This roller coaster ride is tough.
the human being is a hard thing to kill. It’s probably easier to kill someone else than kill the self. Not just for psychological reasons. someone has to be “awake” to really see it though.
DEAF why we talkin about DEAF
I think about it on a daily basis. I force my mind to switch gears, meditate, and do some breathing exercises. Just sitting down and letting my mind wander to anything else helps. I haven’t felt suicidal since mid-2012 or so. I THINK about it daily, but I FEEL it rarely.
I feel like life is hard too, even though I have it so easy compared to probably the vast majority of people in the world. I don’t know what I would do if it was any harder than it is now.
yeah I think about it daily, but the past couple of days I’ve been feeling it a little stronger than usual.
because I’m thinking about it.
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My family has money. We are selling our business in the next couple months so if I work a minimum wage job and live off my parents I should be set for the rest of my life considering how cheap and un-materialistic I am. That said I can’t stop my mind from not being content. I’m always striving for “something”. I just wanna jump out of my skin i don’t know what I’m striving for. I wish I could make it on my own. And even if I did I wouldn’t be happy. WHERE CAN I FIND HAPPINESS? I don’t think I can because I’m mentally ill.
Maybe If I found a nice job I like and stay active, i can, wait no I wouldn’t be happy. But I can be happier i believe.
so purpose helped you? I guess I need a purpose other than just wasting away in my home. I feel like nobody needs me, but then I tell myself they’d be sad if I was gone, so I guess that’s kind of a purpose.
At least football season is coming soon. That will help with my life.
happiness is very elusive. I’m glad you will be set for life. I probably will too because I have two siblings and two parents, but I dunno, one of my parents also has schizophrenia, and one of my siblings is coming down with schizophrenia too, but is starting medicine early on, and so far has been able to keep her job.
I’m not a sports fan, but I’m glad that there is something you enjoy.
Suicidal thoughts have never been a problem with me while SZ, minus the one exception of being medicated with pill-form Haldol. The dosage was too large and made my brain feel like it was being crushed or smashed by a hammer.
Edit: Note, I have attempted suicide twice in life; once at 14 via pill overdose which was unsuccessful and once at 20 via an M4 while on deployment which I decided not to while fellow soldiers stopped my attempt. I was honorably discharged shortly afterward.
What particular brand? (Just wondering.)
Not anymore, I’ve been quite well this last year.
I had periods of that all through winter and spring. Then those thoughts seem to have disappeared.
The mind is strange.
Hope you feel better
I think about suicide often, but that is because I am looking at eventualities in my life that I find intolerable. I’ve carried a razor blade in my wallet for a few years in case I am suddenly compelled to commit suicide. When I was on Haldol I thought about suicide constantly. I made several attempts. One time I had the gas on in a room. It was working - I was going out, but then the gas level in the room suddenly dropped. There must have been some kind of safety mechanism on it. One time I took 4500 mg of Trazodone. Apparently I am immune to any amount of Trazodone. It didn’t do anything to me. One time I had a car running in the garage, but the radiator hose broke. That was when I was on Haldol. I was totally demoralized when I was on that drug.