Do you mean when do I feel like shadow man has come into me? It was only last year for a few months.
Everything in life became too overwhelming I think. I think I was very stressed out without realising it. I was doing a job by myself that is meant for two people. My nana had died the november before. There was a particularly mean and nasty person at work who was picking on me.
I went to the GP who thought it was anxiety or depression so gave me a medicine for that. That made everything worse. Then all of a sudden I realised that the shadow man was in me because I wasn’t crying any more, I wasn’t moving restlessly constantly.
I saw him one night before he took me over. But when he did I felt physical agitation for a while, couldn’t stop moving. I guess there was a space between where he was in me, and the outer shell of me and all my nervousness was jiggling about in that tiny cavity.
But then everything stopped. I stopped thinking, I stopped feeling, I stopped talking. The only thing that affected me was everything I was seeing, like I described in my other post. All the other entities and creatures.
I did draw him once as he appeared back in my early to mid twenties. That was ten years ago.
Now he isn’t in me any more. I miss him. He plays some songs on the radio just for me. I have to listed to the golden oldies type radio stations for him to communicate to me. I grieve that he isn’t hanging around more. It’s like losing a friend.
Now when I am stressed, and I don’t acknowledge stress, like I don’t pull up and think ‘gee there’s a lot of stress around me at the moment’, I tend not to really notice it until something happens like I see rats all around me.
Or also the bugs under my skin (they are little worms really but I like saying bugs, I say I’ve got the BUMS -Bugs Under My Skin) start moving around more. I tear at my face to stop the sensation but it doesn’t seem to help.
I’m glad I found this website because it is nice to be able to talk about these things with people like yourself who can relate.