I accepted it right away. It was nice to have answers. Lately I’ve been in denial again, or i just forget. Really easy to forget it’s an actual serious illness. This site helps remind me and other people, when i act oddly. I’m still half convinced it was a misdiagnosis. I just feel guilty for being so unmotivated and confused in my thinking.
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Everyone was telling me I had schizophrenia. Like I went back to take a psychology class and people would raise their hands and say “ummm schizophrenia” even though they knew it was the wrong answer just because they knew I had it. But they were sitting next to me and then the person on the other side stared at me in the eyes after the girl said schizophrenia. Well you think this is a delusion but it’s not. Everyone in my small catholic school knew me as “the schizophrenic kid”. Then I had to do a program after I got arrested and everyone was doing the same thing. “Hey…schizophrenia”. And my doctor told me I was schizophrenic but I wasn’t. But every where I go I hear schizophrenia schizophrenia schizophrenia. I say that must be the reason. And I began to accept it. But I wasn’t schizophrenic I was schizoaffective so all those kids who spread rumors about me were WRONG.
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Cindy, I started to write down everything I was hearing. Then later, I’d consider it carefully. If I was being told I was “selected” I asked myself, “Why me?” In my case, “ego” cheered on the idea that I was “worthy,” but logic won out. I am not “the most terrible person ever born,” and I am not, “gifted.” I am someone who went through a lot of agony in a short time, which left me vulnerable. I would challenge anyone who would say, “Not me. I wouldn’t have believed a powerful, commanding voice.”
I started to observe the words without emotion. I no longer cowered. I no longer shed tears of pride. And over time, things clicked. That voice is a bully. All bullies are desperate for power because they are weak. But it doesn’t waste its time on a losing battle. <3
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I wish there was a laugh button,
Your posts always get me giggling a bit . Thanks hahahaha
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Gratitude, it is terrible to be ostracized. That’s what the label does. I don’t like it when people say, “She’s a schizophrenic” or “He’s bipolar.” People are diagnosed, and it’s up to them to accept that or not. But people aren’t labeled as, “She’s a cancer,” or “He’s heart disease.”
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Catch22, try to be gentle with yourself. Guilt is a useless emotion. You are doing the best you can.
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I just wish i could help my family and friends out more. They deserve a lot more than i can give. You’re right though x
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Gaining insight is one of the hardest things iv ever done/doing. Trying to remember things the voices said to me which sounded real/ unreal. Constantly trying to disprove it if it sounded real, or trying to remember it if it sounded unreal just so I can say I am sz. It’s like studying for an exam where the end result is your a sz. I hope I pass and the voices are not real but I struggle.
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It took me years to accept my illness. I was first diagnosed with bipolar and then sz which didn’t make sense and I struggled to believe it.
But when my diagnosis was changed to sza it made much more sense and now I accept it.
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I accepted it fully when I was given the diagnosis. I had suspected it for years, like for eleven years before I was diagnosed so, it was like a confirmation of what I already knew. I had had some training in Abnormal Psychology as a teenager, and then later on, in psychiatric nursing so, I knew a bit about the subject.
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I came to believe it when the meds started working and I processed how much crazy stuff I had been through. Took me 3 hospitalizations but after that I no longer thought I was a secret medical test subject or an enlightened person or a sort of biblical prophet.
It is always going to be a thing where I have to take meds every day and I hope the negatives and cognitive symptoms don’t get worse however I feel they are.
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I agree. You’re a riot, @77nick77.
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Hi brandotron. So I was curious about your experience. When you had your voices were they realistic and smart? And can you elaborate on being a secret medical test subject, was it the voices telling you this because you could hear them? If so I had similar
I actually have not ever had voices. I just had delusions due to working at a large pharma company and the environment I worked in.
I had done a bit too much reading on the internet about cell towers and radiation amongst many other things that had me thinking I was a “vested interest” of the company. This was however just me in psychosis basing my reality on loose associations of things. I thought my lightbulbs were giving off EM radiation because they had neodymium coatings, I thought my neighbor was doing something secret with his radio antennas, it was a bunch of stuff.
I even thought the meds they were giving me were for my transformation into an alien human hybrid(Invega was interpreted as “in Vega” which Vega is a star ha). I would like to hear your experiences as they sound as if they could be somewhat similar, I never had voices but I had crazy crazy delusions.
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Still struggle every time the voices come back but they say i have good insight but I had to think I was sick for my sanity because it was too scary the other way.
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I still wonder if I could get on with the voices sometimes I’ve heard some people do apparently.
For me it was as soon as I got to hospital all my delusions n voices went without meds within a day. Very cool. That didn’t happen second time around though.
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Cindy please be careful exploring it. I decided to go without meds and explore my psychosis and it made for a few very very hard years. Don’t make the same mistake I did.
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I’m starting to believe that there is no such thing as schizophrenia. I think it’s a spiritual problem. I’m starting to believe that psychiatrist didn’t know what to do with it or call and made it up.
I believe that’s why I still hear things and see things because they can only medicate it and sedate it but can’t stop it and get rid of it
@Air I honestly appreciate you for your input but could you elaborate and tell me what happened?
I feel like I’m having a revelation about this whole thing? I value your input very much.
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I just decided that I wanted to take psychosis as it came and went without meds. I thought I was having some sort of awakening. In the span of about 2 years I lost my career, dropped out of school three times, and my partner left me. I take my meds religiously now. This illness destroys lives if left unchecked.
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I am talking to entity in my mind they came to here because some unbelievable reason
They try to insert beliefs in my mind that is wrong and no one could believe this
I am like that since 2010 in the summer
I failed univerasity since then
Hospitalized twice
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