I’m having trouble believing everything I’m told is a delusion isn’t real. How did you come to accept your diagnosis?
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It took me years. About 6 or 7 until I finally believed it.
The last time I went to the hospital they locked me up in a room by myself. Supposedly I was on suicide watch. I hallucinated all kinds of crazy stuff in there but I thought it was all real. Then a little girl came and talked with me. This was just an innocent conversation but she cane into the room through a wall and a chair. I thought to myself how can that be and I figured out I was hallucinating. That was when it started to come together but it still took about two years or so after that. After I got out of that room they gave me a shot of Haldol and a shot of Antivan. They should have given me that when I got there. I was locked up in that room by myself for hours I think.
My first thought was that someone slipped me some drugs like acid though. Or LSD.
I still think the government gave me schizophrenia or they just intentionally made it worse but I figure out some of the things I believed in the beginning weren’t true. It’s a long story.
When I first got sick I didn’t think I was sick I thought there was a conspiracy against me. I thought my wife and family were in on it. We got a call that my wife’s cousin had died in a car accident and she had to fly home for the funeral. I thought he didn’t really die and this was just an excuse to get my wife away from me so they could plot against me. 11 years later her cousin is still dead. I was just very sick and didn’t know it. It took years for me to figure this out.
That’s the short version. I could go on and on.
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It took me over twenty years to say I have schizophrenia despite over seven psychiatrists diagnosing me as schizophrenic I did not believe them.
I believed in my delusions , voices etc were real.
I only recently said I have schizophrenia.
About two years ago I think.
This forum has helped.
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My largest customer, their security told me I had been acting strange and they said I had to go see their corporate doctor or they could no longer use my services, so I went to their doctor, she sent me to a mental health clinic, and they sent me directly to the hospital, took a couple of years to sink in but it got me there
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i knew something was wrong the minute i started to feel off, it just got worse and i was in denial, trying to hide it, i couldnt talk about it, just tried to deal with it myself but i couldnt, it just kept getting worse until i snapped.
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I just accepted it straight away when I was told it.
Which is strange because my insight is the first thing to go when I become unwell.
I remember being embarrased about the “paranoid” part of paranoid schizophrenia. Like that part was more of a stigma than the schizophrenia part lol.
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I’d felt something was different since I was a teen. I heard voices and saw things. My family, bless their foolishness, thought I was psychic.
The day I go my diagnosis, it was a relief having a name for my experiences
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I’m still struggling. I still hold out hope that it’s not true. I still take the meds everyday and think maybe I don’t really need them, then think I better because of all the feed back I get from my family and doctors that I really need the medicine. They say I act strangely without the meds. I get it stuck in my head that I’m fine without meds, I guess I tend to forget how bad it gets and think I can handle it.
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I still don’t accept my diagnosis.
I thought that anybody with a negative blood type was tracked from cradle to grave by a secret research facility that no one could find
And I still think that to some extent.
Then I thought it was angels and demons appearing in different apparitions
I think we are all gifted and can see and hear things from some other dimension.
I think it drives me crazy being a part of two worlds without clear answers.
I can’t accept the diagnosis. I think it’s something else.
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I got tired of racing thoughts trying to figure everything out, of course it becomes a endless loop and the longer off meds the bigger the plot against and the more people that were in on it.
On meds I can at least get by my day without driving myself crazy. Sometimes I do crazy stuff just to see who’s paying attention, but nothing ever seems to come of it
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My meds dull the delusions if indeed that is what they are and makes life easier for sure
My new pdoc up’d my dosage on Monday
But I can’t help but think he’s trying to cover something up and making me into a vegetable lol. Damned if I do and damned if I don’t story of my life
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Yeah I get what your saying and the illness becomes part of you, which meds can’t really get rid of the past
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I’ve come to accept it over the last couple years. the constant hallucinations finally got my attention and now I know I need meds. before when I wasn’t hallucinating, I thought it was just a ploy by the state to take my rights away and forcibly medicate me.
it’s weird now that I’ve come to accept it, Im kind of normal.
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I know exactly which thoughts to share and which thoughts to keep to myself or label to people as a delusion. Im still not always 100% sure myself though where the line is between real and unreal and what caused these issues.
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I think the gvt has caused people permanent trips with lsd. It’s like having sz.
My meds don’t stop me from being paranoid about things, even in high doses. I’m aware that it sounds paranoid but I think it’s all real.
Cindy, I think it’s something else too. I don’t think you’re crazy. I think you’ve had an experience that is very hard to understand and you’re doing the best you can with a tough situation. For me, helping others was the way to stay grounded.
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Thank you so much for that kindness, I needed that and appreciate you very much. I just feel like seeings and hearing things doesn’t nessesarly make you mentally ill.
I feel enlightened and want to explore it and figure it out.
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At first I thought I just had a bad cold. But after 20 years it dawned on me that I was mistaken when I kept thinking people were looking at me. That clinched it, I knew it had to be schizophrenia.
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That’s a delusion, the govt doesn’t mess with people like that, if you research neuroscience you’ll understand this disease is biochemical. I don’t believe the govt has anything to do with my illness unless they wanted to start messing with me when I was 7 or 8, but I highly doubt that. Also, other symptoms like not making eye contact has nothing to do with an lsd trip, and from what I heard, lsd isn’t like sz. If you watch Harold and Kumar Christmas, that’s lsd. I never did lsd, but I would imagine it is so much worse. Even if it is the same, I don’t believe it because my medicine works and things are getting better. If it was permenant, different meds wouldn’t work/not work for different people, its all in our DNA, and sometimes hereditary
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