I constantly feel
that I am in at war with myself,
All those voices in
my head,
They say: Kill
yourself,
Worthless,
Helpless,
Hopeless,
Ugly,
Every second, they are
to be heard,
Because my angels
are nowhere near my shoulders as loud as the demons scream in my head,
I wonder how to make
them stop,
Only to experiment a
few instants of quietness,
Because Silence
itself whisper things that no other words could say,
I wish it could
happen to me,
Sometimes I think I
could just make that end,
Just one scratch on
this ugly wrist,
And everything is done,
It’s like me with an
evil side,
This lateral of me
shouldn’t have appear,
Whenever I’m feeling
relieve,
It screams the worst
speaks,
So it could only
make me down,
I wonder; what did I
do?
Did it have any special reason?
Why does it continue
to plague in my mind?
Hi, welcome to the forum! I’m sorry you’re suffering so much. We have all been there. I swear, it can get better. Would you like to tell us a bit about yourself?
I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. Definitely tell your pdoc how your feeling so he/she can maybe adjust your meds. I am assuming you have a Psychiatrist and take meds. If not, I would definitely talk to someone (a Doctor) about how you’re feeling. Welcome
I do have a psychiatrist and do take meds. Just that instead of actually making them shut up, they’re even louder than before. Plus schizophrenia is a illness that includes less therapy and a lot of pills.
I’ve been diagnosed two years ago and probably because of my early ■■■■ or wtv that they’re still trying what meds work on me and what doesn’t.
And as about myself…Well.
I’m a boy but I like cross dressing, since I have an androgynous apperance, thought it would be fun
I have two main voices that keep persisting (i dont even know if it’s a word) in my head: myself and an other one that I nicknamed Big Mouth (B.G). This nickname comes by itself, it’s only natural.
Usually I dont name my voices because that would only mean that they have too much power and importance on me.
I have about 5 voices, not including Me and B.G.
I guess that’s all…
I rinse and repeat this a lot on this site but I think it will be of some use to some
When I first was introduced to the experience that some, in public, could hear what I was thinking
and the science wasn’t just X-men crap I panicked believing that I was being wrongly judged for any
brain fart that happened within a certain distance of tele-receptive people
This caused me to panic and try and suppress all thoughts.
My mind (for sanity’s sake) fought back by forcing up everything I was pushing down
like trying to hold a beach ball under water.
I then panicked wondering if someone was telepathically forcing those dirty thoughts through me,.
It took a lot cups of coffee, beers and cigs on my back porch to finally untangle the knot I tied my brain into
but long story short is that the less worried you are about having crappy thoughts the less your conscience efforts of trying to force back thoughts and the less your mind will fight back the nervous tension you’re putting on it.
Cool. Do you prefer being called he, she, it they?
Sorry you haven’t found the right med yet. That can be a long process. If you’re interested in adding more therapy to your treatment, a lot of folks here love cognitive behavioral therapy. I swear by neurofeedback therapy. There are options out there.
What country do you live in? CBT is common in most countries, and usually covered by insurance. You can find more information here.
Neurofeedback is less common, and usually not covered by insurance. You can read more about it and find a provider in your area here.
Both therapies are designed to retrain your brain to think in more rational patterns and not be overwhelmed by the things you see and hear. They don’t make hallucinations stop, but they help you to not be so disturbed by them. Neurofeedback has also opened the door for me to be able to exert some amount of control over what my voices are saying. Now, if I can concentrate without getting overwhelmed, I can sometimes change my voices to friendly, neutral voices or relaxing music. I can also change the volume sometimes.
Long story short - the voices were coming from me - not that I was making them intentionally
but my mind was as a form of stress relief. Anything that you are afraid of thinking, and try and force away,
will force itself back out again - see the ‘White Bear’ explanation on that link I posted.
Also I do think that aside from what I’ve pointed out above we are all linked (telepathy) and that some people accidentally pick up clutter in the air while in certain frames of mind (ie; stoned or falling asleep) but, once again, stress would also produce the excess chemicals making people more susceptible to that phenomena.
Hello … this is my first time on here and seen your post.
Not sure why I came on here suppose I thought it might help.
I"ve been out of hospital about five months and its been really dark and have had enough of the darkness and want some relief.
ive been having suicidal thoughts for the past few months but the other day it was on me to end it all.
This morning I wolk up scared and dreading the day tonight I feel defeated.
I want to live but I havent got it in me to carry on.
I just want a way out of this darkness
I was in the same boat for awhile but then realized how that darkness actually made life a lot more interesting, provided me with something substantial to learn and offered some sort of promise that this existence is intentional (not just formed from a big accident) therefor offering slight promise there will be a sensible explanation for our existence at the end of it all.
What scares you today you will find yourself laughing about tomorrow in hindsight of its absurd novelty.
You sound like you have it cracked.
For me I wish it was as easy as that , im a strong person and have been threw alot in my life but this …!!!
How long ypu been in recovery yourself ?
It wasn’t easy - especially as I had nothing solid to research from other than esoteric philosophical suggestions in music (alarmingly I discovered in MOST songs).
A lot of it has to do with asking yourself if you would allow someone or something else to harm you and why you don’t feel you don’t have or can acquire the means to protect yourself.
If backed into a corner by bullies at school, sometimes the only means past them is to find your anger and self-vengeance provoking you to rip right through them
If most of our history is telling the truth it documents many of men and women who let go of their fear of death and faced their opponents simply by realizing that a suppressed and miserable life wasn’t one to worry about losing.
Instead of suicide it might be better to move forward with that death wish (like Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon) learning about and facing what is bringing you down. I realized there wasn’t a whole lot at stake that I would lose; allowing me the courage to become more exploratory, bold and brazen.
sounds like the right med hasn’t been found yet and that bites. I hear 5 voices too but they all named themselves. first voice was devon, then aaron came. Rebecca popped in a few years ago and never left, before her was baliel who is a gargoyal (don’t ask I don’t know why he popped up) then finally Philip. they all have distinct personalities and tone of voice. I hate when they talk to me but I hate it more when they talk to each other.
Well I live in Vancouver, Canada…I’m Moving soon to Montréal (hardcore Winters)
Si i don’t really know what services they offer because none of my docs actually told me what institution we have there…
But what is the best?
Neurofeedback or CBT?
