Another night of voices

Let them rage for all I care. Their bs has no effect on me anymore. It’s just a stupid never ending ride.

They have given up on telling me to kill myself. They’ve given up on a lot of other ■■■■. One disappeared for a second earlier and came back saying ah no way.

This is my life now. Lol. ■■■■■■■ dumb repetitive voices. I’ve got nothing to think about either. Just ponderances of telepathy and how to make the voices stop.

■■■■…

■■■■ I want this to stop. I’m totally used to not listening to them but there still ■■■■■■■ there. I hate them so much. It sounds like they hate me to. ■■■■ ■■■■ ■■■■ ■■■■ ■■■■.

Why does it have to be this way…

Ah ■■■■ why…

It’s not ■■■■■■■ real at all to me right now, if it’s not real why doesn’t stop. This is the stupidest illness ever.

They always try and tell me I’m in my next episode. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen it all though. Now it just needs to stop and I’ll be the sanest man on the planet.

Sometimes coffee is a bad idea.

There they said it, we’re just ■■■■■■■ with you. Man voices of a bunch of people. Stupid this is stuuuupid. My life is stuuuupid now.

I’m pretty happy though which is weird it’s entirely frustrating but I’m just numb to it.

Why do they do away, and only start making noise when I’m alone. It’s like they know what their doing. They fit into a schedule. They have basically replaced my consciousness. I can’t drift anymore.

Though sometimes I get these really intense thoughts with imagery, those kinds of thought have a drastic effect on the volume of the voices. If only I could find a way to think like that constantly, but they are always totally random. You can’t construct things like that. It only happens when I’m about to sleep.

It’s like right as they seem to be at their quietest and fading they just start saying something else. Really I’m trying to behave to the point they have no beef with me but that doesn’t even stop them. Apparently they were people from my real life at some point but I can’t remember who.

And I’m just racking up the post count. Here I come @SurprisedJ. :smile:

Wait dude you’ve got like 3.5 times the posts that I do. 7000 that’s crazy man.

You were right about the pandora box thing.

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You know how I said that my voices kinda just sit in the background?

Now there 100% gone again. It always feels strange when it’s back to nothing. It’s very quiet lol. It feels as if a door has been sealed off that’s how I would explain it.

That’d be ■■■■■■■ great.

**I am really sorry @BryanAshley!
I think you said that when youre preoccupied with something, or talking to people, the voices would kind of fade? I cant remember if I suggested this to you before—maybe something loud ( but calming ) in the backround when you go to bed? Fans, nature sounds, etc…
I hope you have a better night and can get some sleep OO **

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Thanks for the concern. Not really much can be done at night. I have been having some good days. All i got is the box fan and that just makes the voices louder. Really I just started this thread as a place to vent. Maybe tonight ill try head phones.

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Yeah, I had a lot of distress as a young man. For decades, however, my life has been relatively sweet.

Jayster

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Yeah, lifes not bad. Really it is pretty sweet. Just these voices, I dont get a break. They are with me right now, but I’m not paying attention and they are just kind of hanging out in the back ground. They’ll get loud if Stop the music or get off the computer.

I do think they are getting quieter over time. It used to be a real ■■■■ show. 15 things going on at once. Now it’s just two or three, the real persistent ones.

“Conversation about Voices”

by Jayster

My friend called last night at 10:14 PM to say sweetly, “Did you ever hear voices; they are very distressing; what does one do about them?” I was surprised by her words; nevertheless, I was brought me to a place of love and compassion. Because I wanted to be a good friend, I engaged in a creative response, which here follows.

Whatever hearing voices involves, we know that it is a very common and frequently uncomfortable phenomenon. Yes, indeed, I have heard some unpleasant voices; additionally, I suspect that if I discontinued my rigorous medical routine, I would again hear some unpleasant voices.

My best understanding of what these voices are about is that it is an unwelcome intrusion of the lower astral planes. Persons who are in control of their psychic abilities generally avoid such noisy, boisterous places; persons such as ourselves, however, seem to have these places open up uninvited. My best understanding is that the lower astral planes are not places of great power. Continuing, my best understanding is that most of the threats and coercions one experiences on the lower astral planes are pretty empty and without real power to cause much damage to a person in a physical body other than inviting fear and confusion.

Since, generally, healthy human bodies filter out such experiences, the first step is to do what one can to improve the overall health of the physical body. Adequate rest, exercise, good nutrition (I include vitamins and minerals), and pleasant, appropriate social contacts all invite the body to reach its own level of health. My belief is that, by design, a healthy body eliminates contact with the morass of the lower astral planes. One must mention that, likely, the most powerful tool used in avoiding such unpleasant places is the psychiatric pharmacology. I know that it is vitally important to my happiness and well-being that I get the right medications. Incidentally, as important as are the right medications, the correct dosages are paramount. I wish the world would appreciate the great lengths to which I go to titrate my dosages.

Whatever mental illness is, there is a lot of it and a lot of different variations in this world. The New Age author Louise Hay has listed two primary offenders as likely spiritual causes for mental illness. According to Louis Hay, therefore, one cause of mental illness is a belief in violence, and another cause is a desire to flee the family.

Search my heart, as Twentieth Century Human Beings go, I am a nonviolent type. Honestly, although I have some belief in violence, I am far less likely to fall back on violence than most persons. It is good to keep in mind, however, that this System of Mental Health, the System which so much impacts the lives of some very gentle folks, is a System that gears itself to deal with persons of violence.

As far as a “desire to flee the family,” yes! Our course, I had a tremendous desire flee the family, and for good reason.

I would very much like you to meet my Dad. He is an honest, honorable, strong, kind, and loving man. Truly, presently, this man is my generous friend. But when my Mother met him, when the two of them married, when I was conceived, and when I was born, he was sick with one of the most destructive diseases present in the world; additionally, she was soon to be dis-eased because of whatever propelled her to seek such a mate.

As a young child, I remember an angry Father who shouted that he was going to lose control and kill us all. I believed him 100%.

When I was about three years old, my Mother woke me, got into bed with me, and said, “Don’t worry, everything is all right, go back to sleep.” I knew, however, that everything was not all right, and I did not sleep. Instead, I waited for my father. Truly, in the present, I can rarely sleep with a woman in my bed. Instead, I stay up all night and wait for that Ghost parent to come in and try to kill me. Therefore, although I want to be involved, I am not available for a relationship in the normal sense. I want to sleep alone.

Honestly, I had a difficult childhood. Clearly, I remember a conscious desire to get far from my family. One ironic thing is that because I ended up with mental illness, I lived at home until I was 32 years old.

Max Heindel (another New Age author!) has suggested that mental illness comes from an abuse of the creative energy. I have thought a little about this idea of Mr. Heindel’s, and I have made some sense of it.

Schizophrenics are known for their creativity. Clearly, I am schizophrenic; additionally, I am known for my creativity. It seems that, in part, schizophrenia is a disease that creative persons get just as “black lung” disease is a disease that strong, hardworking persons (who also work in coal mines) tend to get.

I have a blessed life, do not mistake. But when I view objectively the amount of vitriolic that this sweet Libran has received in this present lifetime, I suspect that previously I may have had a tongue or pen or both that caused damage! I imagine that abuse of creativity weakened the connection between my mental and emotional bodies.

To tell you the truth, I have received one picture of a life I lived perhaps two lifetimes ago. I
see myself in that vision as a soldier in uniform with my bride in my arms anticipating sexual pleasure. I gather that I may have abused the creative energy in more than one way!

What I gather is that life of pleasure and joy, really, ended too soon for my satisfaction. Apparently, I opted hastily to return to Earthly existence without the proper reflection and preparation.

The life immediately preceding this one, then, was as a surgeon of unfortunate education and opportunity. One operation, in particular, went terribly wrong.

Therefore, as an adolescent in this lifetime, the subconscious impressions of the responsibilities of adult life caused me to stress. Apparently, in desire to flee the mistakes of the past and in desire to flee the family of the moment, I stressed myself enough to partially split along the weakened border between the desire and mental bodies. The result is my present schizophrenia.

Truly, the “splitting” suggested by the word schizophrenia is a splitting between thinking and feeling. I have that split, and through the split has come some leaking in of unpleasant astral contacts; I have “heard voices.” The pain, however, has definitely motivated me strongly! Honestly, I am presently paying attention to some details previously passed over.

By the by, schizophrenia, which is a relatively common disease, is often misunderstood by the general public as a disease of multiple personalities, such as in the Three Faces of Eve. Multiple personalities, however, is a rare disease. Yet the attitude of multiplicity persists such as in the recently overheard statement: “I had the peculiarly schizophrenic reaction of feeling lazy and frenetic at the same time.”

Max Heindel clued me in that if that many persons believe such a radically different idea than my own, maybe I ought to see if there is some truth to the others’ belief. The “two personality” idea of schizophrenia does fit in that sometimes in a person with schizophrenia others see the integrated personality at some times and at other times see the fragmented personality. That is, after all, the break between the mental and desire bodies cannot be total or the schizophrenic would not be able to live.

The idea presented by Max Heindel presumes a belief in rebirth. The above paragraphs must make certain that this belief is welcome to me. Actually, it through belief in rebirth that I have found schizophrenia understandable and acceptable.

The ancients spoke of the unit of rebirth as the Real Self or as the Higher Self and the personality as the small self. The ancients often used the analogy of the horse and the rider; they saw the Higher Self as the rider and the personality as the horse. For the modern man, it frequently makes more sense to think of the personality as like an automobile and the Higher Self as the driver.

Frequently, I experience slightly varied versions of a dream. In this frequent dream, I am behind the wheel of a car in motion that only partially responds to the brakes and steering wheel. Clearly, such is my present predicament with schizophrenia. The Real or Higher Self that is in the personality sometimes has control and sometimes through a break in the chain of vehicles the personality is off wandering about on its own. Truly, mine is a break between the thinking and feeling, and truly, persons sometimes see the part of the personality that is integrated with the Real or Higher Self and other times see the part that acts independently. Hence, I grasp the truth alluded to in the joke, “You’re never alone with a schizophrenic.”

One thing that happened when I was a child and had parents that were not really there to protect and care for me was that I sought and discovered transpersonal parents. I discovered a loving hierarchy of beings that most persons understand by the word God. Call it what you will; I have a conscious contact with invisible loving presences. After our call this evening, I called upon loving presences to come to my friend in her suffering; she assures me that this was welcome.

Clouds are lined with silver; I know!

(From the wayback machine! Sadly, the gal for whom this was written recently hung herself in a half way house for the mentally ill.)

■■■■ man, good read but you had to end it like that.

Pretty sad about the gal…

I’ve had dreams about being in a car that’s is difficult to control and crashing all the time. For the rest of the dream regretting the collision and wanting to get it fixed. Interesting to see it that way.

Astral planes huh? I don’t know about that but physical health is important.

Good to hear about you life man.

It is unfortunate that a lot of schizos end up alone living in their own realities.

I’m also the non violent type.

Peace be with you Jayster.

I think it is pretty naive of Louise Hay to say mental illness is caused by a desire to flee the family and a belief in violence. I imagine she knows little of mental illness other than the stereotypes. Sorry about her.

J.

Yeah the cause of mental illness is a pretty complex subject. I think you have to be schizophrenic to understand it.