How can I control my temper.....I could end up killing someone

I lost my temper big time on Christmas Eve. My brother was home for Christmas and we (the family) were talking. I brought up in conversation how some guy at school assaulted me at school when I was 14. My brother told me I needed to get over it and stop bringing it up, that basically I needed to get over this stuff from the past. I completely lost it, my temper that is. I went ballistic, and was angry like ■■■■ at him. The roof basically blew off the house. I felt belittled by his comment, that basically I felt he thought I was whinging.

Anyway,I knew after that the event that I was way over the top. I don’t know how to be civilised. My brothers comments were pretty harmless. I apologised the next day. He was gracious but said that I needed to control this temper of mine as it could end in tragedy (death of a family member).

I need help to know how to control my temper. Any advice greatly appreciated.

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I don’t think you should, “get over it.” It sounds as though a good therapist would help you work through some of those things from your past. I know I am still traumatized by things that happened to me a long time ago.

I really hate to admit this about myself… But I was NOT a good person before I got stable. I had a temper that scared the hell out of my little siblings. I was 18 and they were kids of 7 and 10 and I just went over the wall freak out temper on them both when they asked me about my meds. When I found myself throwing a T.V. across a room and then out of control screaming profanity at a little 7 year old girl I knew I needed some help ASAP. I went into some anger management therapy. I also went to anger counseling, and I started going to therapy more. Family therapy helped a lot too because the therapist could sort of explain SZ to them and put my symptoms in terms that they could understand.

I also learned some patience with questions from small children. My two youngest sibs were so young, I had to realize that they were asking because they were genuinely curious. They weren’t out to make me feel like a fool or harm me.

I still get irritated and shut down a little. But now I simply walk away. I try not to take every thing personally and I try to give my family the benefit of the doubt and realize that some of the questions are an honest attempt to understand and help me.

Also, I have better meds so I’m calmer. Being more calm has helped me not get to hot under the collar. I’ve written many letters to family apologizing when I freak out. Therapy helped me find the root of my anger and identify and work around that root.

Also, there are some things I know my family can’t keep hearing about with out being in pain over and over so I still go to therapy and lay it on their desk instead of making my parents deal with it again and again.

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I was incredibly agitated and angry when I wasnt on meds. I used to exercise for hours a day, usually until exhaustion, and then I would jerk off and then drink in order to be calm. I found that no caffeine helped me stay calm. But I wasnt calm, I still had to self medicate in order to sit peacefully. I drank and used tobacco very heavily, I would usually drink a fifth of my favorite whiskey and smoke a pack every night that I could afford to.

Don’t be like me. Maybe talk to your doctor about it- I am on Geodon and also xanax, presumably long-term, as my behavior is much better while I am on it. I am able to sit still, not get anxious or worried, and socialize because of it. It is common for paranoid schizophrenics to have a short fuse (they all want to kill us).

I think I was worse than you, and getting on a regiment of multiple meds (antipsychotic, beta-blocker and anti-anxiety) had me patched up nicely. I went on a drunken rampage one night, assaulting my friends when I wasnt medicated. Then about 7 or 8 cops came and surrounded me in my kitchen and I was like “Im sorry” and I was taken to a crisis assessment center.

But enough about me, I think you should learn some breathing techniques and appropriate outlets for anger- I still lift weights, I am actually thinking about joining my gyms powerlifting team, as I am getting pretty strong for someone who just lifts for recreation. I think you should NOT SELF MEDICATE and find CONSTRUCTIVE OUTLETS. I feel your pain, I was super angry at everyone because I thought everyone was against me. It was ■■■■■■ up. But with meds and insight (I am a psych major) I have come a long way from being the “madman” and alcoholic I used to be.


I think the main point here was that it was not the right time (Christmas Eve celebration) to discuss the assault. People want to be happy at parties and not discuss painful things. I think that’s what triggered their response. And you probably felt that it couldn’t wait. I was told that a temper means “love me or hate me but don’t ignore me” so maybe you brought it up because you started feeling left out.

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Here are some videos with good tips on how to control anger:

Four Steps to Anger Control

The ABCs of Emotions and Anger Control

And here are some other resources and ideas:


I used to be an active volcano of erupting anger. I learned through time that getting angry is a red flag in my brain letting me know I’m about to go through a situation that I must learn from. Instead of getting livid, after a long practice of trial and error, I would use my anger as a red flag to think hey I need to go inside my mind and find the root of the problem that is fueling my rage. I still get angry but I eventually realise there’s an opportunity to learn about myself and overcome the instinct to go berzerk. I had to quit drinking and after about two years of sobriety I can say there is hope to this dilemma. Been sober bout four years and it is still tough to stay focused on learning and overcoming anger. But only if you truly want to learn about yourself and other people. Trust me, when you’re learning and clear headed when someone is screaming at u, people start to look reaaaal ugly as u see their true colors. Good luck its a long journey! And people attack for the only reason to fight sometimes! And remember, just because u don’t react angrily, doesn’t mean youre giving up and letting them win. When you show restraint, if theyre smart, they realise how big of a jackass theyre being for attacking


I don’t lose my temper very often, much because of meds. But before I had meds I was about to beat my kid with a hockey stick (didn’t) and I have threaten a co worker that I’d beat him up. Meds help a lot.

i broke my fist nuckles of a steel gate, i punched it in a rage 8 year ago, broke my nuckle

I really hated that part when I cooled down, only to realize that I only hurt myself worse and screwed myself over worse. Nothing positive came out of negative behavior.

I used to have an occasionally bad temper myself. It may not work for you but I found that eliminating stimulants including caffeine helped moderate my mood.

I just lost my temper today. I don’t know if it was connected to the depression or mixed state, but I really verbally lashed out at my old man. Not proud of what I did. I apologized, left the room and returned with a better attitude - the benzos did their job.

that’s a real pain its like saying pls don’t feel bad it makes me uncomfortable.
he prolly thought he was helping but went the wrong way about it that explosive anger can be channels into weight lifting brisk walking and don’t berate yourself for being angry a lot of us on here have a lot to be angry about hugsx

I relate to what you say. I know I must try not to take things personally. My brother or family are not out to rile me, theyre not trying to get at me so I should try to reason with my anger and reason that my family aint bad and that my anger is not really about them but about bullies from the past. So I should be reasonable. By the way, thanks for your input.