High standards (dating)

i am writing this bc i believe that my standards are too high when it comes to women.

i see myself in the mirror but that is not how i see myself in my mind, in my mind i am still a 19 year old, slim and attractive, that person is the person that i believe people would want to date but that is not me that is in the past and things are different now and i guess i find it difficult to realise that,

i would like to believe that my personality could win over any female but that is probably not true as a lot more comes in to play when a woman is eying up a potential mate and i think that attractive women only go for attractive men because its in the gene pool, maybe they think about their potential offspring and visualise what they would be like and when they see a fat person they believe that their children might be fat or unhealthy too.

i use to be very slim now i am an XXL size 44 chest and 38 waist :frowning:

Well you won’t get any dates with supermodels but there’s a lot of single women out there who are having a hard time finding the right man… You could be it.You’re right. You might have to adjust you’re standards. Like my dad told me twenty years ago: as you grow older it matters more what a person is like on the inside. Looks are not as important as finding someone who is compatible and nice on the inside. You seem like basically a nice guy with some intelligence. Let women see that, don’t be too superficial when it comes to finding a good women. Beauty fades over time.Of course you may get lucky and snag someone who is nice AND attractive. But you have to be realistic in your goals with women. You’re right.You have changed. You are NOT 19 anymore.


i think i am in denial :frowning:

but you are right it is more important what is on the inside and that is why i like to think that my personality would win them over

i wonder how many people have this same problem as me,

I do. I haven’t dated much but some of my few dates were with good-looking women. I still don’t how I got them or why they went out with me. I grew up being unattractive but I liked my looks a little as I got to be in my twenties. Most of my luck with women was when I was doing drugs so it was probably false confidence that opened the door for me. I’ve not had many women like me these last twenty years. I’ve had SOME that have liked me but I usually blew my chances with them.
But I used to hang around with my sisters female friends, so I was lucky. I usually don’t like the women who like me, and when I like a women, they usually don’t like me.The story of my life.


Now that I think about it… I’d like to alter my previous statement and say that you might not have to lower your standards as much as just shift them a bit.

What do you really hope for?

I really wanted someone who was kind to others, patient and understood my jokes. I finally got that.

I’d say, keep you list simple and be flexible. Is looks more or less important then a caring and kind personality?

Good luck and I hope someone comes your way soon.

My standards are extremely high, and I rely on Gods guidance. More recently my wifes spirit has also "helped’ me find the perfect mate.
Looks are kind of secondary but also very important. I honestly can’t be with someone where we don’t relate on at least 90% of things and where we don’t we can compliment each other by filling in the gaps. This part gets very complicated and narrows things down tremendously
On top of that in the past year + I have had the added critique of my wife which I am very appreciative for because there were a couple girls I thought were cool and things would work out but did not. My wife did things a few times to break up the relationships either as they started or before they started. I know one most likely would have been a user and taken major advantage of me because I have a house and material things and she basically had nothing… the girl wouldn’t even answer questions about spirituality or connections…she was just interested in coming to stay here and that never happened. Which I am now very glad she didn’t !

I was 41 and 210 lbs when I met her…she was often asked if she went to the high school or had started college yet…she was 30… plus she had most of the non-looks attributes of the heart and soul as well.


A good idea is to try to meet women as friends first - If you can and are up to it, join some social/hobby group or if you are religious a church group of some sort - meet women on some sort of casual social level. Finding an email buddy or online friend can be beneficial - the whole idea is to start off slow and casual, and then see what progresses naturally

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:boom: :boom: how true those words ring… :bell:


High standards is like being selective and that is good. I’d try everything you can to get your slim physique back. The older and out of shape you get your libido or attractive for women will crash. I get told by older women like 38 or in their 40s that if they were not married they would snatch me up. I think that is funny. I’m 32 there are a lot of horny women. You need to be confident in that you can perform if you get lucky. Don’t waste your energy on females that drink or do drugs is all I can suggest. It’s hard I feel your struggle. If she will stay with u no matter what it’s the inside drive motivation to survive that will keep you two going. That’s right high standards.

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so hard to find a women at my age that is single and has no kids,

i went to a yoga class this morning and it was ok, there was a couple of women but idk if i would go back, it made me feel good and the teacher said i done a perfect shoulder stand after trying a couple of times and me saying i couldn’t do it but i am really bad at sticking to a routine like that and i don’t think i could do it all the time,

i go to church when i can as well so its not like i’m not getting out, feels like there are no women left in the world tbh :frowning:

@77nick77 said it best, looks fade and when they do you want to be attracted to your partner’s qualities. My boyfriend isn’t an underware model but he has an awesome personality and treats me like gold. You do have to be attracted to the person, but looks aren’t everything. For me I couldn’t date someone who was really attractive because I would feel insecure. I’m overweight and average looking. I am attracted to my boyfriend but more so to what’s inside. Be confident though! That’s one quality that is super sexy and will usually win a girl’s affections. So maybe it isn’t a bad thing to still think you’re 19. Good luck. :sunny:

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Yes, she’s very pretty. It’s good you found someone who you were compatible with.

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That is where prayer comes in, and I don’t care if people say prayer doesn’t work or doesnt get answered because I know for a fact it does. I totally relied on God to come through in this area where i could not. And had I followed my own desires I would have just ended up in a horrible mess.
In 2002 I specifically was praying for a wife and even said “a cute UFO girl…” I didn’t mean an alien girl, but someone who was knowledgeable about UFOs and aliens which I was very heavily involved in at the time.
Lo and behold the girl I mentioned in my previous post suddenly joined an alien abduction forum I had been on for 3 months and asked a question I was able to answer. Then I was able to banish an alien spirit that had been bothering her…so we became best friends, and then more after a couple months, and were together 11 years.
This time I was even more specific in prayer. I basically had a list of things someone had to know or be to be a perfect match. Health conscious, diet conscious, spiritual, environmentally conscious, and on an intense level… That prayer was answered the very next day!

Maybe people need to stop “looking” themselves with their own ideas of who and where and how. God knows best and God has ways of bringing 2 people together…getting out never did much for me. I met them on the internet and not on dating sites. One was on a forum I’ve been on for 10 years and she just happened to post about the same exact topic i had been studying for 2 days, and it isnt a very mainstream topic…so it was like I prayed and all of a sudden that just happened. I had not known her before. Now she’s cooking dinner and it smells good!

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I’m unable to get dates. Men want Christina Aguilera. I look like Avril Lavigne when she was still a brunette. :astonished:

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You look like Avril Lavigne? YOUSA! She’s too young for me but I have eyes. She’s a babe. But she’s married with a little rug-rat I think.


Wha? I never liked Christina Aguilera! Ew! Yuck! And what was wrong with Avril when she was brunette? Nothing at all…

Seriously…I always thought Christina Aguilera was gross…

It’s makes me cringe when little 12 year olds like this are shoved into media for guys my age to oggle at. What is the Western Wolds obsession with under 18’s?

She got pushed to world tour at age 15… hum… Why do little kids have to be sex symbols?

It’s the way society is…look at Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus, they were younger than 12 when they started acting and it was all innocent at first but as soon as they hit their teens they went into the music and sex symbol stuff. By their mid to late 20s they are washed up pretty much.
What really pisses me off is when they act all innocent as teens but as soon as they turn 18 they are exploited to remove a lot more clothing for their fans.
I used to like some of Miley Cyrus music when she was 16 - 18 but after that she became disgusting…

when you date someone you want to be able to trust them esp if you want it to last and people like miley cyrus and people that just want sex for the sake of it are very shallow and i would not date anybody like that,

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The world is obsessed with youth, especially youthful women. You’ve got young women in their 20’s getting Botox because they want to look 15 and so forth. Maybe it makes older people feel ‘young’ again…so, a man in his 40’s dating a 19 year old might have a false sense of youth through association…I dunno. Personally, nothing makes me feel older than hanging out with my teenager sister.

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