Just so everyone knows, I’m not dead! Haha. I feel like I haven’t been on here in ages! Life caught up with me I suppose.
I’m doing pretty ok right now despite adamantly continuing to refuse treatment because I’m a stubborn idiot who likes to run myself into the ground. This summer was very rough for me and paranoia was at nightmare levels…I was covering up all the cameras in my room, feeling like every other person on the street wanted to kill me, etc…but I feel like I’ve come out of most of that. Spent last night pacing my room yelling at a demon but really they don’t scare me half as much as they used to.
Lately I’ve been struggling with how strongly I don’t feel human. Also been struggling with what my future is going to look like. It’s all just really overwhelming and confusing at this point so I’m trying to stay in the present. Class starts for me the day after tomorrow!
I hope everyone else’s summers have passed more…peacefully than mine has. Sorry for being so distant. I’ve been super preoccupied!!
Why not take medication? It would reduce your suffering. I know it has reduced mine. I was extremely paranoid before I went to the hospital. I suffered greatly.
I have extreme anxiety around medication. I was constantly obsessing over everything that could possibly go wrong when I went on just Lexapro, which was an anti-anxiety med. It didn’t help that I had a very bad reaction to it…
My therapist/pdoc wants me on antipsychotics and only gave me the Lexapro because I asked for it because I thought it would be less scary to me than an antipsychotic but it really wasn’t any better. I feel like I’m never going to be able to overcome that anxiety about medication. (Also doesn’t help that my parents are STRONGLY anti-psych meds and if they found out I was on any would not be happy and would probably intervene…)
hug…