November 10, 2018


hey y’all, my apologies for leaving out of the blue like that.

how am i still alive? i don’t know.
call it god or having a resilient body, but i’m still here.
not much has changed.
i don’t mean to be a pessimist, but i’ve never hit this low before.
like if you thought hitting rock bottom is deep, try digging deeper than that.
that’s how i feel.
i’m getting really desperate for a relief.
drugs/self-harming don’t work anymore.
crap, now i fully understand why people turn to extreme street drugs.
i feel like i’m at a turning point right now.
either i get some serious help or end up dead.
but i don’t have many options.
i’ve tried almost all of the medications in the book.
and all the types of therapy.
still, i get progressively worse every day.
can’t function without at least 14 hours of sleep everyday.
my last resort is electroconvulsive therapy.
i should start my first session next week if all goes well.
everything is utter shite right now.
my family members are shocked (no pun intended lol)
that i even agreed to this therapy.
in all honesty, i will do whatever it takes to make me better.
i think at this point, anything is better than suicide.

anyways, that’s all i have to type.
things have been pretty bad lately.
but how i’m still here remains a mystery to me.
i hope you all are doing awesome.
any type of support is appreciated, xxx.


What haven’t you tried ? Like have you tried Clozapine?


my pdoc is trying to keep me on the antidepressant list for my depression instead of doubling up on ap’s. or increasing my ap on that matter.
my hallucinations are controlled. it’s my depression that sucks.
the thing with ap’s is that they cause weight gain and since i have a stupid eating disorder, i’m not willing to go father down the line. seroquel for me is working but the dosage (400mg) is making me feel terrible.


Sorry to hear you are in such pain (((@Sunshine))) a hug for you. If there is anything you want us to do, let us know, were all here for you


Abilify has antidepressant properties. In fact the 5mg dose is used as an addon to antidepressants in cases like yours.


Sorry you’re struggling so much. I deal with a lot of depression, too. It’s really hard. Good luck in your recovery.


abilify worked for me for a while, but then like every med, it went to crap. i really appreciate the advice though, it means a lot to me.


thank you @Mountainman !!
i greatly appreciate it!


thank you !
hope life lessens your depression too.


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