hey y’all, my apologies for leaving out of the blue like that.
how am i still alive? i don’t know.
call it god or having a resilient body, but i’m still here.
not much has changed.
i don’t mean to be a pessimist, but i’ve never hit this low before.
like if you thought hitting rock bottom is deep, try digging deeper than that.
that’s how i feel.
i’m getting really desperate for a relief.
drugs/self-harming don’t work anymore.
crap, now i fully understand why people turn to extreme street drugs.
i feel like i’m at a turning point right now.
either i get some serious help or end up dead.
but i don’t have many options.
i’ve tried almost all of the medications in the book.
and all the types of therapy.
still, i get progressively worse every day.
can’t function without at least 14 hours of sleep everyday.
my last resort is electroconvulsive therapy.
i should start my first session next week if all goes well.
everything is utter shite right now.
my family members are shocked (no pun intended lol)
that i even agreed to this therapy.
in all honesty, i will do whatever it takes to make me better.
i think at this point, anything is better than suicide.
anyways, that’s all i have to type.
things have been pretty bad lately.
but how i’m still here remains a mystery to me.
i hope you all are doing awesome.
any type of support is appreciated, xxx.
