Help with judgement

I met a guy through internet dating before.

He seemed special and kind, but also had disabilities (autism, psychosis) just like me.

In the first few sentences he proposed we would work through a book with questions about love and faith for a year. Im not afraid about commitment…but this seemed superfast. I said no to that. But we talked. After a few (deep) chats i expressed doubt. He was deeply hurt. Said he couldnt deal with rejection anymore, it is always like this. I said i wanted to think a bit. I said i didnt want to date. I need a slow progression, starting superficial and getting more attached slowly and carefully. I said i couldnt offer him what he needed, but he was a beautiful person.

I used to throw myself into something. But i know this always worked out wrong.

He started to insult me and say i shouldnt be dating if im not serious, i only rejected him because he didnt have a car or work, i was bad and unfair in all sorts of ways and unfit for dating.

I wondered…

What is normal in dating?

It is normal to slowly build a connection and just be honest if things go too fast, or you have some doubts, no? Does this mean im unfit for dating? I dont want to date now. But in general.

It seems like he was just hurt and lashing out.
If you feel someone is moving too fast and you need more time, the best thing to do is tell them.

I don’t think that makes you unfit for dating.

I’d rather date someone who was honest about these things, than someone who pushes it aside to try and please me.

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Yes i think he was hurt. I hated to have to hurt him, but i was afraid to hurt him more if i didnt decide now.

Some get angry when you reject them, just the way it is. I went on a first date one time, she went on pretending to be something she was not, not sure why she told so many stories and it was clear her stories were not adding up. A couple of day’s later she called me and said she thought it would not work out between us and I said I agree, then she blew up at me on the phone, yelling at me, was weird.
If she had just been herself, might have gone with it…

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Yes… being rejected hurts of course. And having hopes and then no hope. People sometimes get angry.

I wonder if i should have done something differently.

Yes to @Pikasaur and it’s not your fault he is unhappy.

I’m a man but pushes to sometimes to hard because im confused and nervous, when women tell me to go slow, i listen and go slow.

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personal opinion…I don’t think you should have to think about it. That’s kind of mixed signals.

On the other hand, there’s every book on Love.
Is it really something you can learn?


Maybe i indeed should have decided yes or no right away. Saying you need time to think for a day gives insecurity. I didnt mean it badly though, just wanted to be honest and create some space to feel whether i really wanted this.

How can you date someone without work and without a car anyways. If you need to bring your baby to kindergarten or dr, need a car.

I wouldn’t date a girl who doesn’t have a car, job or money. I require her to have a family with a healthy relationship too.

btw I do have a car but I don’t work, don’t hangout with my friends, and my gf left me since I was diagnosed bcz I couldn’t pay her half the rent.

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He doesn’t sound stable.

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I think he approaches things differently because of autism and has a hard time dealing with insecurity and rejection. It felt like he kind of wanted to force commitment. But that is just not how it works. For me.

I dont mind a car, job, money. I dont have any job or car or a lot of money either. Living is fine without here.

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How can you live without money?
Here I can’t receive disability money bcz I live with my parents and can’t take care of myself to live on my own.

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Sorry…i corrected it.

I have disability money. I meant i dont have a lot of money and i dont care about being rich. But i have enough to live. I have no car or job.

My gf left me bcz I don’t have any money and bcz I told her I can’t live with you and leave my parents.
She told me I am a big baby and left me, well I left her house.

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We left each other in reality.

That is sad. Sorry to hear that.

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ive done net dating and find it a bit intimidating…i kinda made a mistake in the sense i tried to OVERSELL myself on my profile…i dont think i appealed to anyone as i myslef would not have been drawn to my profile either…i should hahev been more honest and open about my mental illness…and then i found…its a site where you reveal alot and can engage in some chit chat, like here on this site…anwway, i learned a lesson I MUST TRY TO BE GENUINE AND NOT TRY TO OVERSELL MYSELF eg coming across as smuug when using humour as an example! i know i wanted to attract interest but nobody visited my page and i think it was for that reason just stated!

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There’s dating websites for the mentally ill and mentally disabled:

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He was pushing and manipulating. Stick to your guns mam. Everybody wants a relationship. Your way is important if they can’t wait then look elsewhere. I did my relationship g-ds way and got blessed.

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I think he moved too fast. It’s ok to tell him he’s moving faster than you are ready for that level of commitment. You could ask him if he’s willing to start off by dating casually. If he can’t agree to that, then break it off and let him go.

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