Does anyone else feel like it’s not fair for you to have a partner because you’re ill and want to wait till you’re better but you might never be fully recovered. I’ve never had a proper boyfriend because I don’t let myself get feelings for anyone because I know it’s just selfish for me to get someone interested in me when there’s a chance I become extremely ill again or even suicidial and attempt suicide. Anyone have any ways around this? I’ve been sorta dating this guy for a bit after we hooked up at a party but now I’m distancing myself already from him because I don’t want him to become too invested in me.
1 Like
You deserve to be happy… Does he know you have a mental illness?
1 Like
I’ve heard that is a symptom of avoidant personality disorder - thinking that you are somehow defective, so you avoid the company of others. That is a tough one though - knowing if and when you should reveal that you are mentally ill to someone you’re becoming interested in romantically. I’d say, play it by ear, and wait for when you think the time is right.
1 Like
Yeah and he’s really supportive but he doesn’t know how bad I’ve been in the past and details of it. Kinda worried he ends up thinking I’m crazy.
I’ve spoken to my psychologist about avoidance issues before which I’ve struggled from since I was young. Thanks, I’ll definitely go look it up and see if I can relate!
It was a lot easier telling him because I’ve known him since primary school and been friends for a while but still don’t want to go into details about it, for my sake and his…
I get that, but don’t blow a chance to be happy because of fear. If it’s not meant to work out, it won’t. But there’s a chance it might work out, give it that chance.
1 Like
The most frustrating thing for me is the most obvious questions like Where do you work? What do you earn?Where do you live? What type of vehicle do you have? How much can you pay for the date? What are your future plans? are pretty much impossible to answer without likely rejection from the other person. I know I would have to depend on the woman to take care of matters if I were to date or become seriously involved with her but feel too disgusted with my helplessness in life to try it. It has been difficult enough to be dependent on my parents with money, transportation, and food, and tough to ask a woman who is not in my family to do the same. I also fear that if I had a child with a woman and she got sick or died I would have to give them up because I would be unable to take care of them by myself. I live in a part of my country where not being able to drive makes me a 2nd class citizen by itself. Having little money makes me a 3rd class citizen. Some people around here do it anyway and I understand how the desire to do so can make them overlook their situation but I can’t seem to overlook mine.
4 Likes
I know that my relationship will never be 50/50 in term of dependability and I’ll need the guy to be my rock in times of turmoil. Although I’ve worked really hard to get to a certain functioning level, I’ve accepted this and I try not to be too hard on myself but I do feel doubtful at times that I’ll ever meet anybody who can be that supportive.
I’m sure if he genuinely likes you and you like him back, you can have a supportive relationship with him. I also have a friend who boyfriend is in major debt, has ADD/depression and issues with school so he can seem burdensome at times to her but she genuinely loves him and they make a nice couple. Don’t be scared about letting him get to invested in you, especially if he’s a nice guy. We all deserve to be loved.
3 Likes
No. I dont feel that way.
I have a right to date and so forth in my opinion.
I have heard that some people that have used suicide as threat towards the partner they have and that can seem really unfair perhaps.
Such as “do that or ill commit suicide” “dont break up with me or ill commit suicide” …
A man I know told me he had a girl friend that always used it as a weapon and threatened him.
He was concerned to leave her but did not want to feel controlled by her.
He broke up with her.
She did not commit suicide.
Im sorry to hear that you have been suicidal and wish you well.
It could be good to be honest with this man who you say has been supportive and good to you.
1 Like
If I were to date it wouldn’t even be for companionship. Sadly
I would never use suicide as a way to control someone! I think it’s absolutely disgusting. I know someone who does this regularly with their job to their boss. She’s awful at her job but threatens to kill herself if she gets fired.
You’re right I think I’ll have a sit down with him and talk about it. Thanks!