Help me make sense of this

[LilyoftheValley]

Ok. So the Navy SEALs who follow, track, and record me have talked to agents about me.

One in particular started following me when I left my house.

He was older with gray hair.

One day, I decided to do something a psychopath would do to see if it would make him stop following me.

I gave a slight smile in his direction while I talked to my friends about a boy who needlessly died.

I wasn’t happy about it, I just wanted to make the man uncomfortable so he would go away.

It worked. That particular man hasn’t followed me since.

How is this sz if stuff like that happens?!?!

[jukebox]

total imaginary…chances are it was a chance meeting of the gray haired man…your mind is piecing together your paranoia…nothing is going on.

[LilyoftheValley]

Ok. It could be a chance once. However, I saw the man repeatedly until then. It was only when he decided I’m a psychopath that he thought I couldn’t be an agent and stopped following me

[jukebox]

well that’s kind of a breakthrough then…good for you.

[broken]

Nah that thought process is completely paranoid

It happens all the time in sz that a paranoud suspicion is affirmed by another paranoid thought

[LilyoftheValley]

My confusion is that it worked, and that guy stopped following me.

I get followed by others too, but not that man now that I acted crazy around him.

The meds don’t stop these things which is what confuses me

[FreeLunch]

You sound ill. I would say talk to a doctor but I know you already have. Would you believe me if I told you it’s delusion?

[FreeLunch]

Have you heard of apophenia?

[LilyoftheValley]

@FreeLunch

apophenia

I’ve seen people mention it on here. I’m not sure if that’s what I’m doing since my thought process makes perfect sense to me.

I see my dr in s couple weeks. I’ll tell her what thoughts I’m struggling with

[FreeLunch]

Your description of making a smile that was ‘crazy’ to deter a man from following you doesn’t make much sense to me. I would share that part.

Hey I hope you feel better coco

[Bowens]

Do you really believe that an “agent” would be so timid that a slight smile is going stop him from following you if this was really happening? Doesn’t make sense to me.

@LilyoftheValley

The meds don’t stop these things which is what confuses me

That answer is probably pretty simple. You are likely partially treatment resistant. Maybe someday you will find a med or dose that eliminates them completely or maybe you won’t. I don’t know.

I have to be honest with you though. I have to wonder if you are ever going completely eliminate this scenario forever. When I broke psychosis the 3 times after it starting it, I reverted back to the “normal” state that I was in prior. your delusion has been going on so long and so consistently, I have to wonder if this isn’t your normal at this point. Just an opinion from someone without mental health credentials .

I just think its probably so ingrained at this point its going to take a lot to break it completely.

[LilyoftheValley]

@Bowens Ok. I think it’s possible an agent wouldn’t be deterred by something like being a psychopath. I’m going to be repeating that to myself that there’s a chance I’m wrong.

It’s just hard to deal with because I see people who are part of it everywhere and it reinforces my beliefs.

I want to believe I’m safe and have nothing to worry about.

[jukebox]

@LilyoftheValley you’ve wasted so much time worrying about the “agents”…none of it’s real…you can believe you’re safe and nothing to worry about.

[POET]

@LilyoftheValley it’s not real don’t worry just paranoia … I know delusions of reference can seem real but I promise you there’s another explanation