Have any of you ever heard or known an incel in person? Why were they like that and how did they change if anything?
They learned how to cook.
Typically, incels are men, and they feel lonely and isolated. Our society looks down on men being emotionally open with their friends, and many men feel the only person they are allowed to discuss emotions with is a romantic partner. So, lonely and isolated men try to find a romantic partner that they can be emotionally vulnerable with. They may get rejected by one or more women, and start to feel a loss of self-worth. Then, they log onto an internet forum to figure out how to attract a partner. Such forums frequently promote the idea that women are to blame for the man not being able to get a girlfriend. They say that women are shallow and only attracted to certain quantifiable qualities, and if the man does not have these qualities (high fitness level, money, strong jaw line, they honestly get very specific) no women will ever give him a chance. These men feel accepted by the members of the forums in a way they never felt accepted by women. They slowly become more and more radicalized against women, and more and more bonded to the incel group. They begin to feel the only people in the world who care about them are the members of the incel group. Then, the group starts to push more and more extreme views, pushing into racist and violent ideas.
Nobody starts out going “gee I sure want to go hate others” this is the same way any hate group or cult operates. Find a demographic of marginalized people, and find a way to show them love and acceptance,then point them at an outside group and tell them that is the source of their suffering.
I’m really starting to believe my brother in law is part of these groups. He hates that women aren’t throwing themselves at him, but at the same time has the most horrible personality and unreachable expectations. He wants to have a woman like his mom. Cooking, cleaning and sat by his feet at all times, just like his mom does for his dad. He also has an unhealthy view of women. It’s very sad. And now he has a bad back and is in so much pain he has to take pain meds and is bed ridden. I feel bad for him. I just now heard about this whole incel stuff. But he fits the bill. I wish he would stop being so shallow and more open minded. He says he too old school for that.
Women and men can be incels
Y’all tripping.
By definition, no, women cannot be incels. They are specifically classified as a hate group of men against women.
I dont hate women.
I hate men.
(Some, at least).
That being said, men dont hate women.
They hate it when they cant get them in bed.
Just like how women hate it when they cant land jobs that men can.
This game can go both ways …
I’m not gonna get into this.
I’m a male (I got a wee wee) and I dont hate women.
The game does not go both ways. Women can resent men, usually for the fact that sexism is still rampant in this country, but women do not escalate to violence. the rate of women-against-man violence is very low, and usually in self defense. The rate of man-against-woman violence is much higher.
I’m not getting into this right now.
Just know I acknowledge, understand and respect your views.
Then we obviously aren’t talking about you. We are specifically talking about men who hate women. If you’re not one of them, no need to feel so defensive about the fact that it is a real problem in the world.
I don’t hate women, but I fail at relationships so I might be one now not sure. I would like someone, but I always fail so stopped trying There has been women that have showed interest over the years, but I usually talk myself out of it, not wanting to go there.
Not sure how I would react to someone I would really want to be with, has not happened and doubt it will
I think a lot of guys worry about getting the incel label. Don’t worry. It is like joining a cult. Incels actively identify as incels, or red pillers, or the alt-right,or MGTOW. There are tons of different names for them, but the point is, these men take pride in their hatred of women.
Danger signs to look out for if you actively worry about falling victim to incel idealogy:
- If you say things like “women are only looking for guys who have x”
- If you fantasize about violence towards women and wish you could act on those fantasies without fear of consequences
- If you feel anger towards women who have not personally harmed you, or so much anger towards a woman who HAS harmed you that you start feeling the same way towards all women.
- If you blame women for the negative aspects of your life, or feel all your problems would be solved by having a girlfriend (this is different than simply thinking your life could benefit from a romantic relationship)
- If you spend time on pick up artist forums, and attempt tips and tricks advocated by these sites
Being single does not make you an incel, even if you have tried and failed to find a girlfriend. Even if you feel lonely. As long as you still view women as human beings with their own individual thoughts, needs, and feelings, you are not an incel.
If you feel you might actually be in danger of becoming an incel, I recommending contacting Life After Hate, a nonprofit that works to deradicalize members of hate groups and helps them get debrainwashed.
https://www.lifeafterhate.org/exitusa
For those who feel they might genuinely need support with this issue
Technically my mom is an incel. She married divorced my cheating father, and is either no longer seeking a partner, or feels that her own emotions for someone else aren’t going to ever become romantic, or that she even should seek another person…shes grown up catholic and softened on that and I think its just that she doesn’t think the juice is worth the squeeze. Something like that I view as akin to incel.
I don’t think she’s been with someone romantically since she dated when we were in our young teens.
Life is hard on people. Sometimes its harder to pick yourself back up and put yourself in a situation that devastated you before without any promise of it ever going to work out. I think that emotional brokenness is basically incel stuff.
I want her to get therapy but I don’t think she’s gotten what she needs out of previous counseling and now doesn’t think it’ll do anything to improve her life.
There is a difference between being single and hating women for your singleness. Incels are specifically defined as a hate group against women.
I agree with @Ninjastar. If you are having these destructive thoughts, seek help. This can lead to violence on both ends and if there’s a chance for help, I’d take it.
incel isn’t at its core anything.
As a bunch of people I think they are defined by their detractors.
When I saw an interview of an incel I think I saw in them an individual vulnerability that could be remedied and a world view that wants more gendered roles.
Thats not revolutionary, thats not red pill or migtow that’s simply a bunch of people that can’t get laid for a reason they think they don’t control…and put next to a worldview that is conservative.
People are so much more then their political affiliations. I think the target on incel people’s back is because they’ve been deemed to all hold a similar political belief and its a very polarized time.
Incels are legally classified as a male supremecist hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center. That is what the group is at its core. It is specifically defined by a hatred of women and a belief in their biological inferiority.