When I was in the hospital in April, my roommate was gay and we blew each other and he waterboarded me while jerking me off because he was into that. I am ashamed of myself. I also slept with a man twenty years older than me right before I was sent to the hospital. How do I better control hypersexual symptoms during mania?
Simply make a choice to abstain. I’m biased but there’s nothing wrong with what you did imo, except for the waterboarding part. That part doesn’t sound too great.
What’s so shameful about it?
Moved to DX’d - Other
I control it with not pursuing it. My med really hinders my sex drive too.
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It was too kinky for me. Next time I will have normal sex while not in a hospital on constant observation with someone my age and hopefully a romantic interest. But it’s hard being gay because you can’t just hit on every guy you find attractive. And I don’t know any gay people despite living in the gay capitol of the world because the majority of the people I hang out with are straight grunge boys who play instruments. Idk mang. And I don’t know how to expand my social circle.
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Next time I don’t foresee any illicit sex. It will be safe and with someone my age.
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No need to feel guilty about those experiences though, you found out it wans’t your taste… Hypersexuality can be a pain, but can me manageable also.
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Idk I can usually tell if a guy is “safe” to hit on but I can’t explain it any better than that. Some straight guys don’t mind when I hit on them. The ones who would, I just intuitively know to avoid.
Gotta have personal boundaries though, especially in terms of sex. Waterboarding would be waaay past the line for me lol
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At least I’m not manic. I recently decreased my lithium dose because I had lithium toxicity, and now I’m hearing a lot of voices and it’s getting confusing whether they’re real or not because I heard some conspiring about stopping my ECT which scares me, and they are also talking and talking and laughing about the fact that they are there and bothering me. I can’t even sleep. They scream at me.
It’s also different for an adult because I’m 16 so it will be easier to find people to meet on dating apps and I will know more people when I go to college when I’m 18.
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I’m so sorry HulGil, I really hope ECT helps you
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How old are you @HulGil?
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I am sixteen years old.
Jeezuz, I thought you were much older!! That situation with the guy 20 years older is really upsetting me, did he initiate it?
I used Grindr when I was 16-17 tbh. Things get WAY better in college/after graduation, especially for LGBT folks.
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Yeah it upsets me too. I regret doing it. But I lied and said I was eighteen so I can’t blame him. He did not initiate; we met on Grindr.
I see… You need to be careful, hopefully the meds will help somewhat. Try setting yourself some boundaries. I don’t go on dating apps, for example, it’s just a waste of my precious time.
I do creative stuff to use the manic juices in my favour, I’ve been writing a lot now. Keeping busy with other activities is also important. Having a recovery mindset for all issues of life too.
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Maybe medication can help with the mania or hypersexual symptoms. I don’t have mania nor am I gay. the only way I think I can relate to your situation is through the common physiological urge. people have suggested I take medication for that urge too; because my urge would persuade me to communicate with people that I had no experience or skill in communicating with, due to my paranoid sz. but I’ve found ways to repress the urge without urge-repressing medication, after gaining a light understanding of my urge-triggers and appropriate responses to those urge-triggers.
still, medication is generally good at controlling urges. it might suck to have to take a medication for urge-repression on top of medication for your mental illness, but it’s an option.
Waterboarding is a form of torture that you dump water over someones face w/ cloth over it , that creates the feeling of drowning? Or some type of sexual act in the context you’re using it in?
Just curious 
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Yeah waterboarding, like the torture. It felt like I was drowning. But it was also in a sexual context.