I hate myself because the stuff I did while I was psychotic, and just generally being a jerk even before that. I also really feel like ■■■■ because while I was psychotic I was hitting on all these guys I had crushes on and leading them on. I don’t know maybe it’s not a big deal. I just hate myself for it. I remember one of the girls praying for me and praying that my heart would no longer be made of stone and the way I was acting while I was psychotic probably merited that. I kept thinking these people were talking to me telepathically and believing all this bizarre stuff and reacting to realities that didn’t exist. It’s been four years since I dropped out of university and have been at community college, and I still wake up with heartache and frustration that I wasn’t in my right mind at that point in time. There were a lot of guys I met that would have made a good husband. I was such an ashole and I just wish I hadn’t even gone to college. I hate myself for the way I acted. I try to tell myself that I should get a pass since I was psychotic at the time but I still hate myself for it.
Regret is a normal emotion…
The trick is to learn from your mistakes, try not to repeat them, and with this hindsight try to better yourself each and every day.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. At least you’ve got insight now on your past transgressions.
Just move forward knowing you can make a positive impression on the many tomorrows that will follow. 
Yeah I definitely feel regret about the whole situation and most of my life. I’ve tried to be a better person since I dropped out but mostly ive just been a recluse and mostly only talking to my family do it would be difficult to hurt others without interacting with them.
I did a lot of dumb things before I was diagnosed. It would be nice if we all had a ‘take back’ switch in this life.
I think once you occupy yourself with a sense of purpose, you won’t dwell as much on the past.
Maybe you’re right I don’t have a purpose. I tell myself that my purpose would be to help others I graduate with a bachelors degree and get a job financially, assuming that that will ever happen. Right now I live because of my brother sister and dad and God but I don’t really know what I want out of life other than to just not end up homeless. I have a drivers license but I’m a coward so I can’t drive anywhere new on my own, so I spend all of my time in my parents house. My family started going to church recently but I’m already tired of going cuz they always ask what I’m doing with my life and I have to say that I’be been at a community cOllege for three years, going on my fourth year, and I haven’t even told them that I was already at a four year college and dropped out my fourth year.
I didn’t commit to therapy until I went through the psychosis of hell. It was so bad I didn’t want to go through it or be a burden to anyone else again. It does help. Half the battle atm is not torturing myself over things that weren’t my fault. Even the law states you’re not responsible for your actions while ill. However this illness does need to be managed. This what you can work on so stop incidences happening again. It sucks but your not alone with it. We are here to help on the way.
We have all done things that we regret. But I personally believe we shouldn’t regret or feel the need to apologize for anything we did in psychosis. We were not really even responsible for it. Not in our right mind ,not responsible ,end of story. I really feal that you can find healthy people in a good church that are open minded to mental illness and that can be friends to help heal. I’ve found this to be true and recommend getting involved with people there. If there judging your accomplishments instead of your character there the wrong person. Hope you the best.
You can’t change the past & I know Its easier said then done, but you need to forgive yourself & lived on. I have hurt so many people, including myself. Through therapy, I learned to forgive myself, I had to because it was eating me alive
Even though I feel this way, I think there are people That are expecting an apology. And I do cater to there ignorance and apologize that they got hurt by my illness, but I don’t take responsibility for the action I had no control over.
I did this while psychotic too. I broke so many hearts because I was hypersexual but terrified of people. So I would hook up with girls and guys and pretty much anyone, then get afraid and shut them out, then call them up, then push them away. My sister told me I wasn’t breaking hearts so much as destroying lives.
I felt especially bad about the way I treated a few of them, so when I got better, I apologized to them and explained what that I had schizophrenia. They were mostly very understanding, and forgave me. One never responded, one told me I was crazy, but over all it was positive. I felt like they deserved an explanation after what they went through.
I have a hard time dealing with my past. But beating myself up over things I did while psychotic isn’t one of them. I think you’ll learn to give yourself a pass on them with time.
The things I do beat myself up over are things I did while NOT psychotic. But even for some of those I was undiagnosed, untreated, and ill. So…
I can relate to this thread. I don’t blame myself for my behavior while being psychotic but I do blame myself for getting psychosis. I know that I would never have developed this disorder if I just did was I was supposed to do like a good kid and not taken drugs so heavily. Everyone in my family suffers from anxiety and depression even me. But I had to self medicate with all kinds of illegal stuff to treat myself because I couldn’t handle the effects of anti depressants. It was my poor decision to take drugs which ultimately ended me up in jail and in a very stressful situation that culminated in my first psychotic break. Sure had I not taken drugs I may not have experienced some of the things that I did, the intense highs, the parties, the girls etc. but where are they all now? I’m left alone with an incurable illness that makes me a social outcast. I have trouble leaving my house too. The rest of my family may not be the coolest people in the world, they may not like the grateful dead and go to reggae festivals. But they can get up and function like normal people and aren’t tormented by their minds every waking minute of every single day.
People do alot of things in school they regret, like you didn’t have to flirt with guys you could have just been cool with them and more down to earth and real. And plus college isn’t a place to find a husband it’s a place of work. I didn’t go to college yet I was in the military, and I made mistakes just like you. But I wouldn’t treat myself the way you are-you have to remember to appreciate and be appreciative for the life you have and the progress you have made.
Your empasis and mindset isn’t true to you, is what I’m saying.
Try meditating and thinking to yourself about how blessed you’ve been to still be in school, to have met (or flirted) with so many people. Hell you lived! Who cares just keep it up!
You were young & all young people make poor decisions. You can’t blame yourself / actions for your illness. It was inherently in you & probably just came to fruition earlier than it woukd have otherwise.
I hate myself too. A lot of people do. I’ve made decisions for stupid reasons that altered my life. Sometimes I think that maybe it isn’t so bad. Maybe I could have been much more successful if I had taken different paths, but where I am now isn’t all that bad. Maybe I have things I can justifiably be proud of. Maybe you have things in your life you should give yourself credit for. Remember, the game is not up with you for a long time. Think of the possibilities you have - things you can learn, things that can enhance your life. Don’t throw in the towel so early in your life.