Thorough the day i keep remembering what have I done during my episodes, like kicking out front door, blaming my father of abusing me, blaming mother for drugging me and of incest. The first after psychosis year was too difficult to accept the factbI done, its easier now. I often swear under my nose and say ■■■■■” “kill myself” “damnit” and jerk my neck sometimes. Does anybody experience this?
1 Like
please don’t feel bad for stuff you did while delusional…it’s hard, but you weren’t in your right mind and so it wasn’t you…it was your ill self…know the difference between the two…stop beating yourself up for the past !!
2 Likes
I was embarrassed for a few months after my first psychotic break. But that’s as far as it goes really.
2 Likes
I do feel bad for going off my meds and all that happened because of it. That was all my fault. But then I think that it definitely could have been worse if I had listened to the voices/command hallucinations. I didn’t seriously harm myself or anyone else during my psychotic break.
1 Like
I still feel bad for ANYTHING I’ve done while in psychosis.
1 Like
I am a bit embarrassed about things I have done, as psychosis really does ■■■■ you over big time.
Try not to think about it too much, not worth the worry.
Mental health professionals will understand, and family should support you through good and bad
I get frustrated and ashamed of things I have done both in and out of psychosis, especially when I was drinking.
That’s exactly my situation too. I didn’t do much damage or act on my voices commands (thank God or I’d be homicidal or have cut myself more).
1 Like
No, I thought everybody ran through the mall buck naked with a feather sticking out of their ass yelling, “Hey, everybody, look at me, look at me.”
4 Likes
Very frustrated and ashamed. I ruined gifts that my husband put a lot of thought into when I had a psychotic rage fit. I miss the memories they invoked.
One time I felt like I was burning under my skin so I took my shirt off and began rolling around on the ground…
I accused my dad of molesting my sisters and raping me while I was passed out drunk…
I sprayed myself with a fire extinguisher…
Umm…
I mutter to myself all day long, usually ‘im sorry’ and ‘im scared’ and ‘i love you’ and ‘please stop’ and ‘im deeply troubled’ ----- things like that…
I also thought smoking cigs would create some kind of equation that amounted to tons of pressure like diving to the bottom of a swimming pool
Yes especially the first time it happened… they said my eyes looked crazy… I was also screaming a lot and took a really long time to calm down… I was also going from place to place because I kept hearing voices telling me to leave… I finally ended up at one of my oldest friend’s house and I was going to leave the same night but she told me not to and kind of calmed me down.
Yeah I get the burning under the skin tol
I blame myself for the times when ive been out of it or psychosis. But, all we can do is make the best of now and learn to be ok with ourself.
Yes, i am very ashamed of things done in psychosis, and also about my utterly stupid way of dealing with trauma. (Or actually, not dealing with it and thus expressing it in all sorts of desastruous ways). I wish i could make up for it.
On the other hand im also angry at the people who ignored all my cries of distress and need for help and knowingly drove me into psychosis. I feel they too are, partly, to blame.
Ive lost a couple of decent mates - for spreading “lies” that i thought that were real at the time. It seems worse too - to explain that - and admit it was in my head,
I would rather say i was being an arsehole - than try to explain it was the schizophenia and i was psychotic for a long while. Some of it i dont genuinly recall either.
And i dont think they would fully understand. (Sorry Charlie, Andrea and Tracy) :(
1 Like
I’ve done some pretty ridiculous shiz while psychotic.
I once had a telepathic conversation with a fly, who I believed was a special messenger from Gaia, for starters.
There’s a lot more 
It hasn’t all been laughs, though.
But I choose to remember the ridiculous, and forgive myself for the other stuff. Wasn’t sound of mind.
1 Like
I pulled a fire alarm on 3XS in NY because I thought it was the signal to end the show. Very crazy.
yeaa… but I’m the only one who knows what I was going through at that time. Can’t really blame myself much just gotta avoid triggering things the best I can.
I think everyone feels embarrassed for the way they acted in some past moments, regardless of if they have psychosis or not lol just cuz you’ve got a stable brain doesn’t mean u haven’t ever acted nuts lol
Oh, definitely. I used to self-harm and publicly shame myself at school because I felt I was undeserving. Good times. I feel horrible when I look back at the old days.