when i was in a psychosis, i could not tell if i was alive or dead, a fear beyond imagination, i was totally lost
I had to undergo a biopsy for cancer. This was the biggest fear in my life. Luckily the tumor the surgeon excised from my body was benign.
ive had that happen in an episode once. it was truly horrible. my dad just had a second stroke and it was affecting me deeply becuse he almost died. i went into psychotic episode. i thought he died and thought i had died with him. i thougt the world was apocalyptic and that i had re entered as an angel after its apocalypse. long story short i had ended up cuttinng on myself to see if i was actually alive or dead.
i think paranoia was the worst thing for me in the past, i was very afraid of bad things happening
My greatest past fear is a paranoia/ delusion about kidnappers. I have spent so much of my life trying to protect my younger siblings from kidnappers. I had my kid sis convinced that kidnappers are EVERYWHERE. Kidnappers were lurking in every corner of the world. I once broke into a neighbors house and crashed their 8 year old daughters slumber party because I was convinced my kid sister was being held against her will. They wouldn’t let her come home. What a mess.
This last bout of med switch instability, (from Seroquel to Geodon) my kidnapper fear came back strong as ever. I just got silly about it. I used a lot of energy in pure panic, convinced that kidnapers got my kid sis when she was 15 minutes late home from work.
My biggest fear was a year ago when i became delusional, i thought a guy i knew has poised me and the poised slowly going to effect all of my body. I thought fbi already knew this and they are not catching him because they are waiting for me to kill him, but in my mind i was thinking if i kill him they will arrest me so i waited, good think is that medication started to be in effect in less than 3 days, and those delusion started to subside.
My biggest fear must have been the delusion that my 10-year old son would kill me with a knife if I fall asleep.
i do not have any fears, i think because in my head i have worked out everything about the universe(s) and about life, i have a contentment most of the time. you know that guy who would walk on top of a ledge near the edge on tall buildings, or close his eyes and walk across a busy road that’s me.
I’m not hardcore but I shot heroin with a hooker and her bi-sexual, ex-con, boyfriend/pimp.They were both die-hard heroin addicts. I had just met them that night and we all shared a needle. Not smart. later, the guy pulled up his pants legs and both his legs from the knee down were covered with big, raw, quarter-sized, sores. He gave me an evil grin and said, “Don’t worry, I don’t have AIDS”. Which scared me into thinking he did. This was in1986,before there were any drugs that prevented HIV from turning into AIDS. Back then, if you got infected you were pretty much going to die. Anyway I got myself tested but the week before I got my results I was sick with fear that I was going to die at the age of 26.
I recall one time after 1AM alone in my husbands shop crawling on the carpet trying to peek at the devil who was attempting to locate any survivors after the world ended…so here I was, convinced I was the sole survivor because the sky was in flames with brilliant red, orange and yellow, trying to hold 2 telescoping mirrors at odd angles to avoid looking directly at the devil, but asses the situation to plan my escape out the only way out of the shop, blocked by the devil himself.
I was avoiding any motion but these chickens (!) where clucking and pecking the carpet around the door and fast approaching my direction.
All I could think about was how tasty these chickens would be if I could either get one outside to bake in the fires in the sky or how I could get to the water cooler to get enough water in a stock pot to make some soup with having to invite the devil to dinner.
Many hours passed when I got bold enough to just dash out the door to my car sans chicken dinner, when I unlocked and pushed the door open, I was shocked to realize, it was just a normal calm cool night like any other.
That should read “without” having to invite the devil to dinner.
there is nothing better than an imaginary chicken dinner, followed by an imaginary pavlova with strawberries and chocolate chip ice cream .
But do I just think I like it?
i am actually a vegetarian so i was talking about an imaginary tofu chicken dinner.
the devil has actually quite good table manners surprisingly, many a night i have spent talking about life with him over a glass of fine port !
The devil was actually very polite and patient that night.
If there had been actual chickens, we would have had dinner.
Wonder if the devil eats chickens?
i think he eats chops, steak, human remains and of course his favorite the souls of the lost ,by the way he does not like salad , i still have a scar from the bowl he chucked at me !