I was born normal, but took it for granted. Used and abused drugs, would have died from drugs had God not made me go crazy. Now I’m sober and insane.
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That’s a cool way to look at it I guess.
Who knows if I hadn’t gone psychotic… I am genetically insane. I had some symptoms in my teenage years until I hit 22 then it was like a near death experience.
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Got nothing against god. It’s just that Jesus guy he runs around like he’s gods gift or something.
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and just as a tease after 7 years of hell in my twenties, the symptoms lifted and I was completely fine, work, gf, friends, everything was restored, and what did I do? started smoking pot again and boom! back in the hospital since then another 7 years of hell.
I really think that god said, “you don’t like your life the way I made you”? “then I’ll make you crazy and you can try living it another way”. Ive been in AA for a while, some people get numerous chances, some people only get one. That is why life is unfair
Im genetically quirky, anxiety and depression, but I self medicated with drugs. Got sick in my twenties and haven’t been the same since.
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I can’t help but think it’s worse if you know what being normal feels like. I have always been different. My first hallucinations were at age four. At about 13 I was attacked by demons, and the rest is history…long long history. I identify with being schizophrenic way more easily than “normal”. I have no idea what normal feels like.
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i was literally completely normal until 23. I remember being in high school and taking a psychology class. The teacher was talking about sz and said the sad thing about this illness is that most people can remember being normal when they get it. I literally had no idea what she was talking about but that always stuck with me. Im sorry that you got sick so young but you might be right that in a lot of ways its easier. I just really remember being able to get what I wanted in life. Girls, jobs, friends etc. Now I can’t get that stuff and I get to watch other people who aren’t as good as me thrive and live their lives. Its like a real form of torture.
I’m truly sorry, @MeghillaGorilla1.
My world is literally outside of the world around me. While it does still hurt to be a virtual alien amongst humans I can’t relate to, I can empathize with you that you were once a part of something and now are not.
I’m glad you see the wisdom, so to speak, in keeping you alive and away from drugs. You may have a very different purpose from the one you thought you would have, but you definitely still have a purpose.
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thanks @Hedgehog, I guess you’re right. Maybe I do have a different purpose. I believe in God but a punishing god and maybe this really is some form of lesson or punishment. the real harsh part is that I lost the respect of the older people in my family. They were shocked when I went mad, and they had high hopes for me as a kid. I am the oldest brother of four kids, my two younger brothers are both lawyers and my sister is a successful PR girl. I have a cousin with Aspergers who functions better than me. its really like being in a wakeful coma and watching life go on around you, except when I try to chime in I get dismissed, blown off, taken as a creep, all things that I would never have been.
You sound pretty lucid to me, I saw your casseroles on another post and thats pretty good that you can make such nice things. I hope you had a nice holliday nonetheless
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I’m sober and insane as well.
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no point in drinking anymore, you know what they say… “a belly full of liquor and a head full of AA is a bad combination”
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Now I’m nicotine free as well!
Jayster
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congratulations!
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I can relate to getting well and blowing it. I was hearing voices for six months in my early 20s. Then antipsychotics made it go away. I was normal for ten years and then went back on the amphetamine that caused my original symptoms. Now I hear voices when not on medication.
But sometimes I tell myself that I’m lucky. At least the medication works despite the side effects. And maybe God is punishing us. But if that’s the case who are we to question it.
thats almost medical malpractice, at least i mad the poor decision to self medicate and got slapped for it. You didn’t even take illicit drugs.
as for God i believe we all have the right to question him. Its like a democracy, but thats a personal belief and everyone is different.
There’s one death from cystic fibrosis each day
Usually in their twenties
I’m proud of how I’ve always enriched my daughter’s life
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I think your family is pretty high achieving and that you hold yourself to a too high standard. You should let go of past aspirations and find what’s next for you. 
️
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you’re right, very high achieving. They say hat Im at the highest risk for suicide category because of it… Young white males from educated backgrounds who have insight into their illness and high dependency on their doctors. I fit the profile to a T. I always did better when I was away from home.
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That’s awesome Sheri
But nobody here is going to get it
Most of them don’t have kids
Let alone two with disabilities