I am getting rather delusional… I guess I will be back to the pdoc next week. I will never be normal. I will never be able to raise my kids normally. I will never have a normal relationship with my husband. I am just a ■■■■■■■ burden.
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…that is rubbish.
you are supportive.
kind
wise
thoughtfull
you have beautiful kids…who i know would love you heaps.
i think you are an amazing person.
hold your head up high…and be proud of yourself. 
take care 
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Everybody’s dependent in some ways. I wouldn’t beat yourself up about it. Expecting yourself to be a god isn’t being fair to yourself.
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Just do the best you can with whatever you got. You seem like a good person to me and that’s what counts.
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I don’t think that this is the only life our souls will ever experience in all eternity. That would seem to make this one too meaningless to me.
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@tobornottob12b Well, there’s no guaruntee that there’s another life after this one. This may be your only time on this planet (or any other planet) so make the most of it. Maybe you could try a volunteer job that involves helping people or animals. It would get yourself out of your head, make you feel like a part of something, and would be very rewarding.
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With meds you could live a normal life - you never know - do you think that you will be going back on Latuda?
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I am sure of it. Meds is not normal life for me. They make me numb. I hate them.
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Hold on samples; this storm will pass. Don’t believe the negative thoughts, you are a pearl of great value.
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It gets better, but it’s a ‘time takes time’ thing. You’ve got to stay on them long enough to acclimatize and you have to avoid drinking at the same time as that messes with them.
Pixel.
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It took a long time to get back to level after my med adjustment…
@samples32
You’re not a burden… your a really great Mom. I know with the new job and everything that’s going one… I bet your getting stressed… but that in no way means your a burden.
I rooting for you… it’s hard I know… but keep the hope.
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@samples32 I know you are concerned and that shows that you are doing a good job at improving yourself. I am glad that you decided to go to the pdoc. way to go !!
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Well, you’re quite a harsh critic of yourself. That’s good and bad. Good because it means you have high standards for your performance, bad because you are being a douche to yourself.
I am critical of myself too but it can become defeatist when it becomes absolute. Words like “never” and “always” are stronger than words like “■■■■” or “■■■■”.
What exactly did you do wrong? Probably nothing wrong by other people’s standards. Like when I do “poorly” in the gym- I actually often did “insane” by the average standard. Like “didn’t get the third rep with 465lbs, shitty workout, only lifted it twice” yeah uh huh shitty workout right totally crap
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How intense are your delusions samples? How long have you been without meds now?
Been without meds for about 2 months.
The delusions are minor. Mostly paranoia.
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Well i was put on a low dose a month ago. Had some symptoms but it has gotten better after a month. Not completely gone but better. I think it was withdrawal. I hope it was. When my dose was reduced for the first time withdrawals lasted for a month also then i got better. Pdoc told me she will put me off ap in a few months.
I don´t know, do what you think it is best for you. I dont like meds also so i feel ya. If its only minor maybe you are having a few bad days because of stress? Maybe give yourself another month if its only minor before you decide?
Id gladly live with minor symptoms if that would mean that i wouldnt have to take meds. But that´s just me. But if the symptoms are more severe then you have no choice i guess. What do you think samples?
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You know, I agree. I am doing a lot at once, a new job, leaving my children to go to said job, husband losing a job, going to a possession retreat next month…
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Thats a lot, sounds really stressful. Its not healthy for you and your condition to worry too much so try not to worry. Everything will be fine. Its not worth it.
I hope you succeed.
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**I agree with you. You are taking on a lot. I know if things get any worse you will take care of yourself and talk to your doctor.
Hang tough, or gentle!! 
**
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None of us are going there. (And I’m not at all sure I’d want to in this culture.)
But what you obviously are doing is getting increasingly further up the recovery ladder from denial / pre-contemplation through contemplation / consideration into identification / acceptance and commitment / action. Looks like progress to me. As well as putting the kids first, which is responsibility personified.
Namaste to you, samples32.
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