Gay stuff 70's NYC and some delusions - a story

Unusual Beliefs
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I was 8 when molested and do I need say more? Well, I found myself in 1970’s NYC with my molester and “friends” (We’ll call him John since that was his name.) Lol We were hanging out by the west side highway in Manhattan and it was teaming and I mean TEAMING with guy dudes , all kinds of gay dudes. I was just a spectator my parents apparently did not think giving me this much freedom was an issue I suppose it really wasn’t. I also once went to a gay bar with this guy and his associates which included a black lesbian women (Karen- she was cool) and I can’t remember anyone else but word got around as I saw someone from my neyborhood in there and I became demonized or stigmatized and then at age 18 the voices looped around in this endless loop that continues today discussing my sexuality and weather or not I am a homosexual or not… it’s extremely bizarre and I’ll concede that if I am a homosexual or gay then I am also a hetrosexual. And I am the only one in the world who is classified as gay yet I’m a heterosexual weather or not these people are for real or not is another problem but they are real and they are fake - I know they are real people and I concede there are fake people - I couldn’t testify to knowing at all times - Now I get the indubious luxury of being the only man on earth with this type of mental issue

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I had emotions that weren’t emotions exactly but mental pain. I have had so many states of mind, depression or side effects of medicine that I thought no one ever knew. I no longer believe that.

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My emotional pain of course emeniates from my mind and of course it’s my brain that hold the solution

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Bisexual. The word for that is bisexual.

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I’ve never heard that. I’ve been bi my whole life.

But for nearly 23 years I’ve been in a cis-het marriage.

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I’ve always been comfortable with my gay sexuality. I lived in some rough towns but came out fully in 2010 and 95% of time don’t face any challenges. Also I sound extra gay because of my lisp. Mainly other gay people can tell I think.

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I suppose I’m gay but I’m sexually attracted to women - it’s a curse

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