Lol I feel like I post too much, but something kinda crazy happened last night I feel like talking about.
Ever since midterms started my symptoms have really been acting up. I don’t know why that surprises me, that’s happened around ever midterm time here, but still it’s just weird because I was managing everything so well up to this point.
Anyways I was lying in bed last night after watching House of Cards thinking about how I’d never want to enter fields of politics or business because they’re the devil’s favorite hangout spots when suddenly BAM demonic face, right there when I closed my eyes. Freaked me out. And then it said to me clearly “Have you forgotten why you’re hear?” Like hissing at me.
So then I got even more freaked out and I could feel its presence that was overwhelming, like darkness seeping into me and I hate feeling that. I was calling out to God but I didn’t hear or feel him. Then I called out to my guardian angel and he came immediately. I felt him there and thanked him for coming. Then he helped me get comfortable in bed and asked me about school things I needed to get done tomorrow until I fell asleep. Thank goodness he was there because that thing was still floating around and it was trying to talk to me the whole time, and it says things that tempt you to argue with it but I just don’t talk to those things anymore.
I get different more dissociated voices right as I fall asleep. I actually enjoy them because it means I’m about to pass out. They aren’t critical or anything they’re just random things. I’ll hear about 3 of them and then I’m asleep.
Right before I fall asleep a lot of times I’ll experience a rush of hypnagognic images. It’s pretty cool, I don’t mind it. Like I will see clearly a forest outlined against black, or I’ll see strange creatures.
Yeah that is how it happens with me. The minute my eyes close. BAM I see strange creatures and start hearing things. Sometimes it startles me but most of the time it is harmless
When its scary I try to remind myself that this is not heaven…and that everybody is suffering in one way or another. Some people angry at God because of it but I don’t. I know there is a method to his madness. Since him I have taken a very passive role on earth. That way I don’t get in his way.
Religion is many things. I use to be a non believer. I avoided Christians. In fact I even resented them and thought they were silly. Sometimes I wish I had that option because I felt a certain freedom with it. When I had my break and everybody turned their back to me Jesus knocked on my door, the mess that I was. Infact he didn’t knock, he just let himself in like we went way back or something. Then he picked up my broken body and carried me. Like my mom says, “you are loyal, I will give you that”.
I think the whole jesus thing is pretty grotesque. You all glorify the death of this man. I thought at some point Christians quit thinking human sacrifice was ever a good thing.
I usually see a demon in the corner of my eye or infront of me when it’s dark. But I use my phone to light up the room and he is gone. I am not afraid of him anymore.