I can tell I’m getting stressed because weird stuff is happening. Last night a demon (the devil? I donno) was talking to me and threatening me over me saying it wasn’t real. It didn’t like that and kept saying how it would punish me if I kept that up. (I still think it’s fake though…) I haven’t heard from the demons in quite a while, actually, (since my last episode) so last night was a bit disconcerting.
Then I was freaking out all day because there was so much to do…I had my bio lab practical and I know I didn’t do well on it because I made a million dumb mistakes that wasted time and I measured something wrong because I didn’t remember the formula…sigh. Anyways after that my mind started wandering to how upset I was that I was disconnected from God now. I used to be so close to him, I could feel him with me at all times, and when I talked with him I could feel his presence and loving warmth. Now I can still talk with him but I feel nothing. It’s like our bond is cut.
It doesn’t make sense because he still loves me, is very kind to me and helps me out. He has no attitude like he’s angry with me at all. I blame the demons personally, I was very close to Father until all those bad things happened with them. I feel I somehow traded my connection with Father for a connection with them, because now when I speak wth them (or the devil? Still not sure) I get a POWERFUL dark feeling…like the complete opposite of what I got with Father.
It’s so weird. I want my connection with him back but nothing can fix it. Anyways that’s my little weird quip for the day, back to doing math homework. Ick.