When you were deep in psychosis were you ever completely out of control?
Out of control… What do you mean
Yeah on occasion I would flip out.
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Psychosis - Definition:
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a mental disorder characterized by symptoms, such as delusions or hallucinations, that indicate impaired contact with reality.
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any severe form of mental disorder, as schizophrenia or paranoia.
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I was friggen out of control…
I was screaming from the top of my lungs during midnight in the streets and in jail… committing crimes…
Yelling religious stuff in front of space needle in Seattle… in city hall.
I picked fights…
I’m glad I got arrested honestly… I could have hurt somebody.
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Yes! I was totally out of control. Next question?
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If it’s ok I do have another question! How were you out of control?
Yes even on meds in the hospital the first time being there I didn’t think it was very fair being there. I freaked out. Got Thorazine shots in my buttocks Less than a year later I was back in the hospital and twice I got my food at breakfast. I was back to the bed after they gave me another shot after I flipped my tray and dropped it making a huge mess.
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Short version. I totally blacked out and became violent. Luckily I didn’t hurt anyone. I hurt myself instead. I banged my head against the wall until I had to be taken to the hospital for x-rays! Then I had to be hospitalized because I was out of control. They drugged me up for three weeks.
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Wow, I’m sorry you had to go through that. Do you remember what your symptoms were prior to that?
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I started hearing voices. Then I became anxious as hell. I felt sick in my brain and body. Even though I worked out and was on a diet. I felt weird for years. Like my mind wasn’t mine anymore. Until my sense of self shattered. Then I thought I could speak to Angels. After some incidents cops took me to the hospital. The doctors told me I was psychotic. That was the first time.
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Wow, did it affect your emotions as well, like you couldn’t feel love and warmth only things like severe anxiety?
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I was out of control; very delusional.
I had law enforcement and court consequences because of my delusions.
I was also heavily medicated because of the delusional psychosis.
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Yes! The only thing I felt was anxiety and I felt monitored. I had to analyze every move I made
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It’s such an awful feeling, did meds help?
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Medication helped but to be honest, it took time on those medication.
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And can I ask you, I’m going through this right now and it’s extremely disturbing to me, I can’t feel any emotion for my family, I feel so consumed by my thoughts in my head, I feel so detached and no emotions? Did you experience that at all?
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Yeah, inspite how sick I was I was trying to act normal. Like something was constantly watching me. So I was prodrormal for a long time.
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Also were your memories prior to becoming psychotic affected, like it almost seemed like your prior life hasn’t happened? I dont know if that’s a delusion
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I have the delusion that I’m being watched by the government. Constantly being watched.
At the time of my psychotic episode, I thought I was being watched by the Vatican and police; and was communicating telepathically (with my mind) with the police, who were watching me.
I still have this delusion.
I fight it every day.
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