When I was about 20 I had unprotected sex. For the next year I had delusions of ill health. I was certain I had HIV. I looked up all the symptoms and was convinced I had them all.
This was more than a mild worry. This was full on certainty - fixed and unconfrontable. I then worried that I might pass it on to my nephews through sharing cutlery etc. My thoughts were not grounded in reality in any way.
This went on for years. It has caused me to be terrified of sexual contact - I have not had a partner since (15 years). I wish I had spoke to a doctor at the time. This episode psychologically scarred me.
This is kind of bizarre because I had a boyfriend who went through the same thing. It lasted about 3 months. I was certain he didn’t have sex with anyone but something happened in his job, he cut his finger and saw blood. Then he had delusions that it wasn’t his blood and he did a lot of HIV tests, he was really worried sick and we had a tough time together. After he did the tests and there was nothing, he was normal again and never worried about it again.
After a couple months, I started having delusions,. it’s almost like the illness passed to me, as if it was infectious…
These things are strange. I can appreciate the notion that some delusions are “infectious”. I just wish the whole thing hadn’t happened. I have not been able to sexually perform with any partner ever since.
I mean I can get a roused on my own but not with a partner. This is bad for me.
maybe you just haven’t found the right person or you still have fear because it traumatized you. Maybe you should consider therapy but I’m sure if you get attracted to someone physically or have feelings, it’s gonna overcome the fear.
One of the first times I was baker acted, I went to the ER telling them I had Huntington’s disease. I thought they were going to treat me for it. They had a psychiatrist talk to me instead. Spent 4 days in the CSU
I thought I had cancer… went to my doctor and told her I had cancer for sure. She sent me to a psychogist, talked to my mom, a few months later I was hospitalized and with a dx for sz.
My mom said that she thinks I knew something was wrong with me, but couldn’t pin point what was it because of the denial phase, and focused on another illness.
My first delusion was that my microwave was “bugged” by my boss whom I believed wanted to frame me for a robbery that happened to him. I would beg and plead to my microwave not to put me in prison. this went on for about 2 years until I became full blown delusional.
Some might say fixating on wanting to be female was my first delusion. If not then thinking I had lost lots of my teeth.
I have not had the HIV one but for quite a while was thinking dementia had struck me. It was triggered by words not coming readily to mind and by familiar printed words looking somewhat unfamiliar.
Other delusional thoughts have included thinking I wrote a minor pop hit/that I had female parts and could have female orgasms if I tried.
I had the female thing. I was convinced I was hallucinating my male body for a time. I even apologized to some people in the hospital saying " sorry I didn’t realize I was a girl, I really can’t see it"
My first one, and one that I’m still not really convinced isn’t really happening, is that if I convince enough people of a lie it will come true later on. Like I could manipulate the future if people would just believe me.
