AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH FINALS ARE NEXT WEEK who else is dying.
Anyways aside from that I’ve actually been doing really well. I’m definitely fully out of the episode now and I’m back to my peaceful and content self. Insomnia has been pretty bad…been going to bed 5 am most nights…but whatever.
Had a cool experience this night. I was at a chem final review and was very sleepy, so I started to slip into my inner world. (Again when I’m not in an episode my psychosis isn’t really scary…distracting yes but scary no) A demon was talking to me but I just ignored it and made it go away. I’m getting better and better at doing that, I actually can’t believe how much I’ve improved in fending them off after being helpless for years.
Anyways I kind of slipped out of reality and forgot where/who/when I was and I was wandering around because I was here but I was also on this beautiful lake in a canoe looking up at the stars and I was confused that I couldn’t fly because I was also in the outer world at the same time. My body felt all weird. Then in outer world I noticed someone looking at me and it sort of pulled me back here more and I realized I was walking in the completely wrong direction from where I was trying to go. So I took a minute to touch base with outer world and found my way to the bus stop. Wrote a poem while I waited. I’ll put it at the end if anyone cares to see it haha.
It has just been a really pleasant night, which is good because the day was kind of icky. Now I feel all warm and fuzzy. I hope all of you are doing well and keeping warm!
Sorry for all these random posts, I just like to share my experiences. Since people here are the only ones who get it.
A shimmering pond in shadows hidden
Voices whisper secrets forbidden
The light of the moon reflected in eyes
That stare into the water, steady and wise
Overhead the geese fly, in silence quite slowly
Beneath them the old one sits gentle and lowly
Hands on the grass dark purple in the darkness
Laughing at the winter world’s attempt at starkness
Imperfection is beauty and honesty is grace
You can see this in the lines on the old one’s face
The stars fall asleep to the lullaby of night
And the old one thinks of all the times that they have died