I don’t work currently and I can’t stop feeling completely useless. It also seems highly unlikely that I will be able to work again. So much of my sense of my value as a person were tied to being a productive worker and earning good money like my partner. Without that I feel like nothing and I’m terrified of being dependant on him. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to combat these feelings? I don’t know that I can go on feeling this way…
Can’t you get disability? That way you can contribute.
I don’t work but love my life. Yeah not in a relationship and I need a hand but live with family and volunteer for my cricket club. Volunteering is good but also low stressed and manageable. Full time work just doesn’t cut it for me as I get stressed i get paranoid.
It’s not a bad thing being on disability and plenty of people rely on others…I do what I can and don’t feel guilty that I don’t work or have a career.
Because my partner earns too much I’m not eligible for disability in Australia. So he will earn all the money while I do nothing
The guilt is the biggest thing I experience, especially the feelings of dependence. It’s good you have gotten to a point where you feel contented with your life. I’m scared that point will never come in my case. I don’t even feel capable of volunteering, which sucks
It took me a long time to get the meds right where I’m confident and that wasn’t easy. Still. It was worth it in the long run. Don’t give up and keep striving for better function. Sometimes it’s worked well but I’ve also had some major failures…wasted a few years trying different meds but you find a good doc who’se willing to work with you your half way there…
It’s hard work but have some faith and keep doing those little things to move forward.
lean on your husband…he shouldn’t mind being the bread winner…a lot of couples I hear where the woman works and the man stays at home, or reversed…so there’s no shame in that…don’t be so hard on yourself !!
I really struggle to be kind to myself. I feel it more acutely because I’m not the same person as when we started dating- I used to be so talented at my work and now I can do nothing. I worry he will stop loving me because I’m not the same. Ah dear…
no people change…I am not the person I was when I met my fiancee and now we are geting married…
I think you have to look at it as if the shoe were on the other foot. YOU would do the same for your partner - continue to love him and support him, both emotionally and financially if the situation were reversed,
Knowing and understanding your limitations is a good thing.
This affliction is not your fault. You can be productive and supportive. Even looking after the home and making meals for your partner when he gets home from work.
I was all piss and vinegar when I met my future wife…I was ready to knock the world on it’s ear. It all changed when I went crazy. Hon has changed as well over our 31 year relationship, but we’re still each other’s sweethearts through thick and thin.
That’s a good point, Sarah. I think part of the problem is my self esteem is at an all time low and I am constantly doubting myself.
That’s a good point. I have been making our meals and looking after the house so I guess that’s something at least.
So lovely to hear about your relationship enduring the tough times- that gives me some hope all is not lost…
My wife remembers the exact day/ time and moment I asked her to go steady with me! 31 years ago! Not even our wedding date…just the date I asked her out! November 15th at 9:30 pm she says!
I didn’t know she was that stuck on me when i asked her to be my girlfriend.
My parents had the unwritten contract…
Dad brought home the bacon, and Mom looked after the house and kids. They both contributed equally in my opinion.
So don’t feel bad. Your efforts are just as valuable to the family unit as your partner.