My ex has been staying at mine a lot recently as he doesn’t want to have Oli at his for personal reasons.
This is all fine and well, but it’s really brought up old feelings that I used to have for him, we broke up in May due to him seeing someone else behind my back… but they broke up two months ago, because she did the same thing to him.
Whenever I’m with him, I constantly think about kissing him and how lonely I am…
When he stays, I let him stay in my bed because we were best friends before we got together and used to share a bed all the time, plus I felt bad leaving him on my sofa, plus I wanted to share a bed with him.
But I did something really stupid because i let my feelings and desire get in the way, he cuddled me in bed and one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together… but now it’s screwed my head up completely.
the fight or flight reflex is coming on strong, because I just want to shut myself off emotionally but at the same time I don’t want to do that because my feelings are so strong, but I’m not sure if he reciprocates them.
Not to mention I have his voice in my head, calling me names half the time and saying that he likes me the other half, I know it’s not him obviously…
Can I have peoples thoughts on this situation and what they think I should do please? I kinda want what happened to happen again, I missed kissing him. I miss kissing full stop but I know I’m playing a dangerous game and there’s a high chance I could get hurt, I already am kinda
Tough love time!
He cheated on you,
He needs to sleep on the couch,
It doesn’t matter that you had sex,
You can still make him sleep there.
You’re hormones are jacked up right now and he’s messing with you.
Keep him close as he is the father of your child,
But don’t let it go further.
That’s what I gather from your post.
Also, just put your feelings aside and be a mother.
My husband is not the father of my child, we were together when I got pregnant,
So I relate, little homie, on a lot of levels,
Just keep it business until you’re in a better place to make romantic decisions.
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@GoldenRex What you’re saying makes a lot of sense, I just tend to make the same mistakes over again! But it’s really f*cking up the equilibrium of my sanity.
Plus when we broke up, I didn’t deal with it healthily, I just pushed it to the back of mind and refused to address it, my own fault…
Oli comes first no matter what though.
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Frankly,
I feel like what he’s doing is borderline predatory.
He knows you’re not in a state to deal with your romantic feelings,
Now he has to stay at your place for his son’s sake?
Sounds suspect…
But I don’t want to bad mouth the guy or make you feel worse,
I’m sure he’s well intentioned, but surly he knows what he’s doing is inappropriate.
Just because you had sex recently, doesn’t mean you cant establish new boundaries from here forward.
As the father of your child you’re going to be dealing with him your whole life,
Don’t be a jerk, just tell him you have mixed feelings and you need him to respect that,
And sleep his ass on the couch.
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Hey I was once in a similar situation! Me and my current boyfriend have a bit of a history. We started dating in high school when I was fifteen, we were each others first love and all of that. I was also dealing with bad mental issues.
After a few years, we broke up! It was so terrible for me since I never loved anyone before him. I fell into a psychotic depression of sorts, ran away from my parents and moved to a new city, and eventually ended up in a mental facility for 6 months. It took a while to get over him, but eventually I did. (He also cheated on me once)
Fast forward to a few years later. I was still sick, but had a good understanding of what I was going through. We saw each other again and hit it off. Started dating and have been together again for over three years. Completely happy and in love. He’s very supportive of my illness and I believe that the time we spent apart helped us mature.
So please, don’t believe what everyone says about ‘once a cheat, always a cheat’. People are human and capable of making mistakes and learning from them.
Follow your heart, but make sure you stay safe and try and prevent heartbreak. Maybe talk to him about your feelings, and see if he has grown at all since you guys split up. Over all, your opinion matters more than anyone else here.
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As a guy I kind of agree with the idea that his intentions are suspect. It just sounds like something I would do if I wanted things to go my way, it’s almost too hard to believe the well-intentioned circumstances, but only to a degree. I just wanted u to know another guys perspective. Having a kid really complicates it though so in that case your kid comes first and all this is auxiliary.
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Not auxiliary, **secondary.
I’d also like to ask,
Does he have his own place?
Not with his parents?
Boundaries are definitely the way forward, although it was nice to have human contact again, I felt touch starved if that makes sense…
I don’t usually allow myself to get like this over males, but I’m in such a weird place mentally and putting my problems to the side to care for Oli. But these feelings have hi jacked my brain!
I think the thing that screws with me the most is his voice in my head, head is blagged!
And no he doesn’t have his own place, he’s only just started working again so I’ve been paying for his meals when he’s at mine and giving him fags and stuff!
I want to follow my heart so badly, I’m just seriously scared I’m going to get hurt and that he doesn’t want me!
I’m actually such a creep I put his top on because it smells like him 
Maybe I could still have these feelings, but set boundaries, and get over it in my own time!
I’m so glad it worked out for you, and agreed, once a cheat,always a cheat is so not true!
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Thanks for the lads opinion, I’m happy you chipped in. But all people are wired differently so how he acts probably isn’t how you would act, I’m just loosing my head over here, I generally feel about 15 again with a stupid crush haha. And whilst having a kid does complicate it, Oli is the best thing in my life 
YES!!
One time from a ■■■■■ who knows,
He’s manipulating the situation.
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@GoldenRex Screw my actual life.
I was happy to help, he didn’t need to blag my head. 
Ok I know the feeling you’re trying to relay…
it’s hard and knowing how I atleast am, none of the stuff we say will make u just say “wait u cheated so no more contact, you’re not good for me”.
So here’s my proposal… what if u straight up said to him you’re willing to explore a friends with benefits option (this probably was the status quo anyway) BUT that you’re extremely firm on not getting involved romantically.
I see all of this and I can’t help but relate it to my relationship with adderall… currently we no longer talk anymore bc although it made me feel on f*cking point and able to do anything, my sz ultimately ruined it all and now it makes me psychotic after a couple days. If no one else in the world knew about how I am with adderall, I’d still to this day hide the “relationship” haha. But it’s bc of how bad I got once that I no longer take it. I will say I take vyvanse on the side, but it’s more like a caprice bc I don’t know how long it will last. The vyvanse, which I would equate to a friends with benefits option, is going swimmingly but it In no way the same as adderall. Haha this is hilarious but I hope it puts things in perspective.
@anon20742722 I don’t think I could do a friends with benefits situation, not with him. Although it is tempting. My feelings are this strong as it is, it would only end in me crying every time after we slept together, I just wanted to cry when he was asleep next to me. I didnt allow myself to obviously.
I honestly feel so stupid, it definitely was a bad move but I don’t regret it because ultimately I did want to kiss him and be close to him…
Although I like your medication metaphor :’)
I had his voice in my head saying that he cheated because the girl excited him, and he finds me boring.
Although I don’t think I’m boring in the right circumstances, I can be a bit quiet at times, but only because I have all this mental stuff to deal with.
And maybe I’m making a mountain out of a molehill, but one thing I know is, I’m a seriously confused girl right now
Do you see him doing the same thing he did to you again?
What cheating on me? I don’t think he would because he’s really not that sort of person usually… and I put him through a lot of stress when I had my episode, said all kind of crazy things and was very catatonic. It was a lot for him to deal with and something that still hurts me for putting him through although I couldn’t help it at the time
I’m sure the hardest thing would be having this illness and going through it with someone, only to lose them at one point too. I think the connection that you have with him might be worth rekindling but only after many serious talks about how it fell apart and stuff. Ur beautiful tho so it wouldn’t be hard to find another person, u should know that bc there’s so many ugly things about this illness.
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It did truly suck, the only way I could cope was to pretend that I didn’t care about the fact he was with someone else, even though I did. I’m in a much better place now than what I was when he left me, medication and having a little one helped to put some things into perspective, I feel like I can’t afford to go off the rails.
I want to talk to him about it, but I’d end up crying (such a lil crybaby) and I don’t really want the home truths, but probably doesn’t help sweeping things under the carpet.
Thank you so much, that made me smile.
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Don’t worry,
Just set your new boundaries and cry it out, girlfriend.
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