About a week ago while looking for a video I sent him on messenger I found a video chat between him and his ex friend with benefits from April. I confronted him about it and he claimed she had reached out to him in February, he had tried to ignore and block her but she kept finding him on other social media and he would tell her to leave him alone but she didn’t listen so finally he had the video chat with her to tell her he planned on marrying me and that she needed to stop and that was the end of it. He said he didn’t tell me about it because he was afraid I’d think something was going on.
So a couple days ago I am on his phone ordering groceries and decide to go through his deleted texts and find a text chain between him and his ex from this year. It was full of sexting, inappropriate pictures exchanged, etc. Shocked and heartbroken are euphemisms for what I felt at the time. I screamed at him and kicked him out of the apartment.
I talked with my therapist about it and we weighed if the relationship was worth trying to fix or let go, and I decided it was worth trying to fix and my therapist agreed based on what I told him. So that’s what we are trying to do right now. And it is hard, so hard, one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I am in a lot of pain right now. If anyone has been through something similar and fixed their relationship please let me know how it went. As of this point we are going to do couples counseling and individual therapy for both of us too.
Thanks for your share, here. There is SOME nuance to the cheat, maybe. But I KNOW you were lied to, so he needs to be held accountable for that… Your situation (to me) contains some ‘grey’, so I feel you in your dilemma…
(I’m a guy, and my only relationships lasted months (not years).)
I am asking myself that same question right now. Can I see a future with someone who cheated on me? Who lied to me? What if this happens again when we’re married? When we have kids? I have no guarantees.
Must be hard. Personally I would leave him. I left my gf bcz she cheated on me with her ex. I went to her house one day without telling her that I was coming, I rang the doorbell at the entry of apts building and her ex went out on the balcony. We didnt fight, he said to not come back so I told him thats all what I wanted to know, that she was cheating on me and left. Honestly I suspected that this willl happen as she was acting weird.
I’m sorry this happened to you. You’re obviously feeling really bad right now and I don’t blame you. But in my opinion sexting isn’t the same as cheating. Cheating is when there’s a physical, bodily fluids exchanged type of encounter. He definitelt disrespected you and crossed a line, but he didn’t cheat.
I think words and actions are 2 different things. With actions you run the risk of spreading disease and pregnancy. With words it’s just a matter of respect and hurt feelings. It’s basically extreme flirting. It’s disrespectful for sure.
Uh, that’s creepy. I’ve been married for 20 years and I’ve never snooped my wife’s phone, browser history, or Net traffic (I have the skills to do so). She is entitled to her space from me.
I could not and would not be in a relationship with someone who did this to me. It is not healthy.
It depends. If a dude made a mistake and cheated once that I could forgive. If they cheat on you several times that’s a habit.
I never cheated on anyone. It goes against my beliefs plus I never had the energy. A full time job a kid and a husband. Plus I’ve always struggled with insomnia so I was always too tired.
In my book if a dude looks at porn I consider it cheating. I don’t figure most people see it that way but my mom’s family are “Christians” and porn is taboo in my family. I won’t go extensively into it cos it regards religion but in Christian circles lusting after someone equals cheating. “Look but don’t touch” doesn’t fly with my family.