Feeling unwell

For the past three years on the first week of July, I was hospitalized. I didn’t even realize it but my doctor and my husband pointed it out last year. Yesterday --actually for a couple of days my paranoia has become frightening. Suspicion about my Kindle Fire and my music files as well has led me to terror. And I looked at the clock today just so I could write a check and it dawned on me…My annual “rough time” is here.
There is really nothing they can do for me because my body is intolerant of all the meds. The one I take works pretty well, WHEN it works…They usually jack me up so high on it that there is a serious risk of seizures and death. So I feel hopeless. I’ m also feeling quite depressed. Because of constant severe pain though out my whole body I am unable to work or even to sit at the computer for long. I’m very discouraged…This week I fell down a flight of stairs and my husband said I belong in a nursing home. I’m only 51 but it is true that I can do less and less as this illness continues its destruction of my body. The terror of believing that there are powerful people in this world and they are out to carry out experiments on my using access in my Kindle and through computer viruses which steal my password…So I am constantly changing my passwords and living in fear. I hear people banging on my door, calling my name…when I go to look there is no one there.
It’s not worth going into…I’m sure many of you understand these types of fears.
I don’t even know why I’m littering up this site with my fears…I guess I just wanted someone who understands a little bit about what it feels like. Thanks for listening

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hey loca’. try and calm down hunni. i know how u feel. unfortunately my computer and phone really does have spyware on them but i’m still here and so r u. i don’t hear things outwardly but i do hear voices 24/7, day in day out so i know what it’s like to b harassed all the time. i feel for u right now. try and break the july cycle. if ur hanging on by a thread, then just keep hanging. stay strong hunni. always here of u need to vent xxx

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There are theories that the change of season or a traumatic event at a certain time of year that can trigger symptoms in some people. I know that’s not very helpful but it could explain maybe why this is happening to you. Hang in there and just know you will be alright. It may take some effort but you can do it.

Blessed be

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Make some good memories for July-maybe it will change the way you view the month. You do not belong in a nursing home!

What a coincidence, I too recall the time around the 4th of july to be a very rough time for me too. I’ve had several hospitalizations where there was a special lunch for visitors. Don’t remember what was going on to be put in there, just seemed like a very dark time for me.
Hang in there @locomotion, I will be 50 in a couple of months, and I feel physically a lot older this year, maybe we can have a “get well party” on the 4th?

Thanks for the kind comments. Now that my computer issues are analyzed and I found I need a new computer…that kind of put that fear to rest…I found that the man who worked on my computer stole my password…so I changed it…hopefully that will deter him from trying to do it again…My physical issues are what they are. I will likely need a nursing home or assisted living in the next few years. I have 4 autoimmune diseases that make walking and other physical activity increasingly impossible. Hopefully the mental worries will lessen and I will get through next month without a hospital stay.

You are more stronger than you think!!!You are telling us what is happening with you.Unfortunately,my daughter will not even remember most of the stuff she tells me once her med settles in.
You don’t need to go to nursing home.I understand it is hard for your husband but what if he got hit by car then he had to depend on you!!!
I wish you the best and keep your chin up!