Im feeling so bad today. I dont want to be here anymore. I cant deal with these negative and cognitive symptoms. There is no hope for me that these symptoms will get better. No treatments, everyone says theres never get better and thats why we hold back so much in life. I dont want to just exist in life like a vegetable. Im thinking of ways out all the time. Whats the point in living a lonely life with no relationships and the employment rate is 80% unemployed. We have to dodge society because were not accepted. Its unbearable and no way out
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Please don’t commit suicide. Talk to your doctor ASAP. I had to try a few meds before I Abilify helped me. The meds are a treatment, but they’re not a cure, true, but you can still live a reasonably enjoyable life by focusing on hobbies. I’ve written many short stories and a few novels (not published yet, but maybe someday). People once told me I’d never amount to anything.
Skills can be learned too (listening skills, talking skills, social skills). I don’t have friendships offline yet, but I’m working toward that. The Internet has been a huge help in learning coping skills. So, I might have friends this coming year. There are lots of good self-help videos on YouTube.
If you’re still feeling very down, please go to your nearest hospital.
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Thanks for your reply
Im thinking of hospital but i hate the psych wards. I know they will keep me safe though.
It just seems the be the same for most sz. Its a lonely illness. How can i form relationships when i have no emotions and i cant speak without getting muddled and say simple sentences. Theres no detail in what i say just boring. Cant feel pleasure everything is boring. Everywhere i go i feel i stand out like a sore thumb. Theres too much pain
The hospital may be able to find a better med for you. 
I don’t know what the stats are for how well most SZ people are doing. I know there are people on this site who have learned a lot about coping and they have hobbies and many have friends. I’ve got the hobby part down, but not the friends part.
You write very well. I think maybe you could try joining in on more conversations here and if you get good enough at online communication some of that will spill over into the offline world. Do you like reading? It helped me to read about interests that other people have (videogames, sports, horses, science) so I can talk to more people.
I hear you about how everything is “boring.” I’ve been struggling with low-level depression for the past year. I used to be an artist, and then AI started making art (in three minutes for a painting that would taken me forty hours), and I didn’t want them to scrape my art and use it in their software, so I took my art off the internet. I’m bored without it. Everything seems pointless and I hope this will pass. It’s been a year though…
I hope the pain gets easier for you to bear.
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Writing is easier because what i write doesnt dissappear so when im writing i can look back. I cant when im in conversation it dissappears. How is thst suppose to get better?
Id love to know that someone was in the same situation as me with the same symptoms that got better but i cant find anyone who has. There negative symptoms persist and cognition decline keeps getting worse. I want out now. I used to be scared of dying but now im really not scared of the nothingness. Ill never know. I worry the effect it will have on my kid’s though.
Hope has kept me going in the past believing that the more i use my brain it wil adapt and retrain it but i believe that it cant change. I believed thag similar to people with tbi with training they get better but i think sz brain is constantly taking damage. I dont have thoughts so how can i even begin to come up with a plan
I can’t say that what works for me will work for everyone. I noticed that I could speak better after practicing writing for six years, daily. I still blank out a lot, even during times where don’t have much anxiety. I still trip over my words. But I’m improved.
This really has me worried. Please ask for help soon. Kids never recover from a parent’s suicide. Please don’t do it.
I hope you won’t let hope die. Many people use lumosity.com to improve cognitive function. Have you tried playing games? They’ve got a bunch of free games on that site.
Is there anyone who can help you make a plan?
Have you ever had thought blocking where your thoughts dissappear? And you lose your train of thought? Did this improve?
Can you talk to somone and keep a conversation going without you becoming mute and your mind going blank?
I do worry for my children but if i wrote them a note and told them exactly how it was for me. I think they could understand that things were too hard here for me and there was noway of improving. Hopefully they would understand and not be as hurt
I asked so many people who have sz what improved in these areas for you but they say they still suffer so i cant make a plan if its not possible
This year, I took my computer in for maintenance. The sales guy gave me this whole talk about the anti-virus program they could install, and other things, but my brain just stopped listening. This was from anxiety though. When I went back to get my computer, we talked again, and I realized I hadn’t understood him at all. But no harm done, we got things sorted out.
My short term memory is terrible, so I’m going to rejoin lumosity soon.
I’d stop comparing yourself to what happens with other people and just focus on trying to improve your own life in small bits. Take things one day at a time.
If I had listened to all the other students, in grade school, who said I was a lost cause, I wouldn’t have learned half the stuff I did. I’d probably be ded.
Anyway, I have to get groceries. Please go to the hospital if things get worse for you.
Thank you 15151515
Things can get better. Talk to a mental health professional, and maybe they can find a good antidepressant for you. I’m in a situation similar to yours. My life isn’t perfect, but it isn’t bad. Enjoy the simple things - maybe a pizza buffet, or a movie. If you don’t have a dvd player they sometimes have good movies for free on the internet. I’m kind of querky in my tastes in movies, but I think a movie about a German submarine just as things were getting bad for them in World War II is on. It is titled “Das Boot”. A movie with Steve McQueen and Dustin Hoffman titled “Papillon” is probably on. Then there is “Town Without Pity” and “Inherit the Wind” is on. A lot of Stephen King movies are on, including “The Stand” and “Storm of the Century”. Personally, I cycle through bouts of depression during the day. I was using large amounts of sugar to overcome this problem, and it worked, but now I have diabetes, so I have to cut out the sugar. Life still isn’t bad.
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I wish i could watch movies. I get confused after 10 mins of watching it as i cant take information in. Im on venlafaxine atm but its early. When they work though all they do is numb the depression. What is suppose to help me think properly again. I look so dumb all the time. Its impossible. Im 34 now how can i do another 40 year’s of this.
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Hold on tight brother sz may leave you in time you dont know hold tight
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Yeah hang in there.
Things can get better.
Things got better for many of us here.
Can live in a group home?
They have activities like bowling sometimes I think and care staff.
Can you keep a diary/joufnal if you like writing?
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There is no cure.
Positive symptoms get better but the rest stay. Its torture
viktor frankl “mans search for meaning”
ajahn brahm “opening the door of my heart”
Tara Brach “radical compassion”
All three of these books helped me when I was in a hopeless state. They almost never stopped the pain in the moment but they walked through the flames with me. Hope the sun breaks through one day !!!
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Thanks have you recovered negs
I use to be depressed and lack motivation but after changing my meds that went away… For the most part.