this is just going on too long…(i always feel that way and i’m sure you guys understand this). my episode started in mid September…damn that seems like so long ago. hard to take my meds, as i am scared of losing the fear attached to my episode. yesterday the depression was unbearable, so i wanted to drive my car into passing telephone poles. i don’t want to die, really…i’m not sure what i want at this point.
i feel so alone. it’s hard to carry myself through this.
@maynard73 Hey when I think about death what I am really thinking about is massive change in my life, because I have no idea what death is like. I still want a lot of things about my life to be different although I have made a lot of progress since my diagnosis. I think your chances of your life changing for the better are far greater if you keep driving safely. Maybe you can find a companion, or get involved in a group of some kind.
Som,etimes I feel like I’m going backwards after all the beatings, that I’m going back to that very moment for which it’s based…does that make sense? Schizo has made me one of the most reflective people you’ll ever meet. And I’m still impulsive in many ways, but I’m striving to be logical and (fascinated).
Don’t be alone we all have friends that share the similar experiences of this illness right?
maynard 73…your not really alone because people on this site care about…not the same as having a girl friend i know…but still people do care…grace
I seem to be the most backwards socially of any schizophrenic i met, though I was diagnosed schizoaffective, hoping to get past it, etc. Even the low functioning people I met somehow seem to have better grasp of social skills or courage or whatever. It’s very anxiety causing sometimes to think about working or interviewing or whatever with my social skills, plus i make stupid decisions like quitting a job to travel to poland, such a ridiculous decision i made in april, only i would have thought it was a good idea to quit
You are absolutely NOT alone!
These days will pass.
Are you seeing a doctor or therapist to help you through?
When I feel really low-I go to the drugstore. There are people there, but you don`t have to socialize if you are not up to it, and can say a few words to someone if you want.
You can buy something for yourself-not expensive at a drug store.
Keep coming here-we care!
First, you need to take your meds and make your illness stable and under control. After that you will be able to enjoy life like sitting in a chair at the window to have a cup of coffee or listening to music.
I feel lonely from time to time, but I have a room that is filled with sunshine in the morning and when the winter sun shines in my room and I play my favorite music the feeling of happiness flows in my heart.
Wish you find your sunshine.