Feeling like a total failure

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I know I’m repeating myself over and over…
So my mother was here today… Wanted to take the kid with them for a weekend…no apology, no talk, just that arrogant attitude of someone who has made his mind about you and won’t change it… I don’t know why she thought I would let him just like that. I didn’t. She gave the gifts to him and left…
And then I cried…and still crying.
Just can’t get over that… I keep repeating as if she could hear me, “why did you stop loving me? Why did you stop loving me? Parents should love their kids no matter how they are. I know I failed. But you don’t help at all…”.

I feel like there is no way to reach to her.

Memories of some good times are still here…

Did she despised me, together with that man, all this time …and I pretended it doesn’t matter? As long as she could provide to Luka what I couldn’t at the moment.

They should love us despite our failures and mistakes.
Again that feeling of being not good enough, of standing all alone, abandoned.
Sorry…just need to write it somewhere.

My eyes will look swollen and red tomorrow.

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I seem to remember they gave you a very hard time. And then they just wanted to take your child for the weekend?!

You did the right thing. I agree with the rest of the stuff you said too.

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Why did I feel like I was unfair to her then? They did some good things. Took us abroad…bought stuff to him that I couldn’t…
But I can’t…if she only said that they didn’t mean what they wrote a month before…
Would you let your child spend time with someone who looks down on you?
Knowing that child actually loves to be with them…makes it harder.

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Yeah, you have to open up a dialogue with them about that.

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I don’t have a child, but no I would not. My parents neglected me emotionally for years. I made it clear to them I wasn’t cool with it, times changed and so did they. If they had still been like they were and I had a child then I would not let that child go away with them to spend time with them alone. If you can’t get a proper, positive, loving relationship with them then you have no way of knowing what they would tell or do to your child. It is not worth the risk.

I know it hurts when your parents act like they don’t love you. But I think there is a chance your mom still loves you and just doesn’t know how to show it, or doesn’t know she is hurting you by not showing it. You are right, parents should love their kids no matter how they are. But sometimes they are not able to love, or not able to show it. It is not your fault and don’t let her convince you it is. She is probably trying to guilt trip you. Try to stay strong for your son and remember that you are protecting your son, and that is more important than making your mother happy. Then if you are able to you can try to mend your relationship with your mother in any way you can.

Hope you find a good solution to this. You are a good person, don’t forget that.

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Yes she is always doing that.
“Oh, you think I don’t love you? Thank you for that”.
“You forgot all the good we did for you”.

Thank you @anon9798425 and @everhopeful

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My mom also did that. But deep down I think she just felt really hurt and guilty, and didn’t know how to deal with it.

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I’m sorry @Sarad, wish things were better for you family wise.

I don’t know the whole story, so I really don’t know if your mom is a good person so she can take luka like that, but I sense she doesn’t know how to reach you also.

I don’t mean by this that she is right, she is definitely not. Parents should love their children and your mom sounds really selfish from where I’m standing.

I just came back home and I was thinking of you. I was hearing a person talk about his borderline wife, and how she is really catholic and she’s trying to get the marriage anulled, because she doesn’t want a divorce as she works in the catholic church and that is frowned upon. I thought of you because he was saying he tried to love her, had children with her and stood by her in her decisions even though ideologically they don’t match at all, he’s an atheist. He was talking about all the crazy stuff she did and the things she put the kids through, and I thought that from what I know here you seem to be a very conscious person in whats in regard to Luka. I don’t think you’re that ■■■■■■ up at all, I used to think you were to be honest, but knowing all these different stories that I know of bipolars and borderlines I think you turned out really well.

Don’t ever regret starting over, but I urge you to make a stand and start over. Leave that bf of yours and start over, if you have to work in a supermarket or a coffee shop for a while, at least you’re taking responsibility for your life and your son.

I really don’t mean to tell you what to do with your life. But I really think it’s the only way you’ll gain some self-respect for yourself. Because that’s what you need, to respect yourself and your decisions.

And you can pull through. I’m absolutely sure you can.

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Hey @Sarad…

:heart::heart::heart:

…from Canada.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

Pixel.

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your mother sounds bloody horrible…and her boyfriend a total wanker…excuse my french :fr: !?!
mrs. sith’s mother is the same…
gives with one hand…
then an hour later says horrible things…
mrs. sith has not spoken to her or seen her mother for years…she had enough.:imp:
they think it is their right…it is not.
your mother is a controlling bully.

you have to realize your mother will never change…people rarely do.
you need to stop taking it personally…she is a flawed human being.
one day you can be honest with your son and tell him the truth about your mother…at the moment he is too young…let him enjoy innocence.
yes you have made mistakes so you say…we all have, it is how we grow as human beings…but so has your mother…you just don’t know her secrets.
in my opinion you have to lay down the law with personality types like her.
you talk to her or write to her stating how you wish to be treated…with respect.
if she does not do that…have nothing to do with her until she says sorry and means it.
just my opinion…
you are a lovely human being… :woman:
take care :alien:

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Your mother could be undermining your relationship with your kid. I doubt if it is deliberate, but it seems to me that is what she is doing. Maybe you need to lay some ground rules with her about your child.

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A caring parent, in her world.
this whole upside down dynamics of mine I can thank to her control-neglect-control-neglect way of upbringing the child.
Mrs.Sith’s mother sounds very much like mine. Still I feel sad to lost her love.
Tnx darksith :heartbeat:

@minnii, as always, I couldn’t think of better answer for myself…Today I wished so deeply to finally stop depending on others financially, emotionally and other ways. But I a have hard time trying to imagine what it could look like - same as many of attempts to take a serious responsibility - I wake up feeling like not doing that, I just don’t do the thing. So the consequences.
( I guess Luka just had a luck. I would die for his well being)

And @shutterbug, the very noble Canadian sir, and @crimby, so very thankful for you guys.

Gosh I was so stressed out that i changed my profile again. :imp:

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Oh, and Merry Christmas. Hope you all have a good time surviving it.
:relieved:

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Plz keep it civil and supportive, folks. This is a difficult holiday for many of us.

Thx.

Pixel.

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Im sorry to hear about this but its ok to cry and ur not a failure Sarad ur a fighter. And what do fighters do after they’ve been knocked down?..that might not be the best advice and others can give much better but get back up Sarad get back up. And i know we don’t communicate much so it might not mean much coming from me but everyone on here is like family to me and if one persons hurting then im hurting. Also to balance everything out merry christmas!

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I hate christmas.

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I’m so sorry you’re sad Sarad. I wish I could help. You’re very young (but wise), and you still will have many chances to do positive things in you and your sons life. You’ve got beauty and brains going for you. I’m sure you will find people who will appreciate you and even help you. Life is just miserable sometimes, you can’t avoid it. I’ve been through bad times but things got better. And then worse, And then better. I obviously can’t fix your relationship with your mom but I can sympathize and feel for you. Good luck.

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Bad Sara as well (not to discriminate, all holidays together)

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It helps. I need to hear that im right and she is wrong. :))
Being a mother…it means that you love your child no matter how flawed he/she is.

@77nick77 :purple_heart:

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I was thinking about this… My family can’t really come to terms with the fact that I have a mental illness, and that that mental illness keeps me from achieving more than what a normal person does. Both my sisters are high achievers, they have problems but no mental illness or disorder of any kind, just money issues one of them, the other some issues with herself but nothing serious. Well, they put me on this impossible to achieve standard because of that, it drives me to think that I will fail more than I actually will. I think you understand this…

My mom went through a phase where she completely shut me off, we stopped talking and she gave up on being a mother because of my behavior with drugs. She now feels guilty about that, so people can change I think.

We tend to look at our parents like they have the obligation to provide for us, be there and be parents, but that’s not always the case. Some parents just don’t know what to do with their children. Some parents are not fit to be parents.

We make a lot of mistakes, especially with MI, and it’s not always our fault, but some things are our responsibility to change.

I learned the hard way that I needed to take responsibility for my mistakes and I don’t wish that on my worst enemy.

Feeling sorry for ourselves only makes things worse, we become blocked and that blockage keep us from achieving what we can achieve, being strong and independent for example.

I hope you consider that is time to leave that learned helplessness behind, it means doing it alone, it means being confronted with the worst about ourselves, it means strenght to overcome our shortcomings.

I’m absolutely positive you can become independent. If you don’t do it for yourself, do it for Luka, you’ll have more strenght doing it for him.

On a side note, becoming financially independent didn’t help me get on better terms with my family, endless talks about my mental illness did. Asking for forgiveness a thousand times and being humble about others issues did. I honestly gave up fighting them, it sounds a bit selfish but I don’t really care anymore, as long as my mental health is secure, I will do it. Can’t stand being homeless or squating houses again, I need my meds and my security.

I came to the conclusion that people around us are disappointed not of us, but with the fact that we have mental illnesses and that puts us on a frame of “that kind of family”. It’s not our fault, it’s not theirs. It just is.

Hope my experience helps you. It’s just my thoughts on the matter.

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