Can't stand my mother

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I dislike narrow people like her so much.
They are so judgmental and boring and you have to choose your words carefully when speaking to them. They hate or ignore what they can’t understand and they feel superior for the morals they have and which they keep pushing on everyone around. Just a few examples of how annoying it gets;

Example 1.
My kid calls my mother on Skype, tells her he is just eating some chokolate bisquits. Immediately she goes on with lecture how sugar makes you fat, its unhealthy, don’t eat it too much, an apple is so much better for you…so on. Boooring.

Example 2:
We told her that my sister has bought some furniture in apartment that we share. Her comment? Great, your sister is working while you enjoy at home.
(This one caused that we don’t talk now - I don’t want to put up with such words)

There are more examples. Bottom line: my relationship with mother is horrible. Pretty much I don’t care but sometimes when I feel bad I go on like “nobody loves me, not even my mother”.

Do you get along with yours?

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Ditto honey with mine. I let her know though. Then we’re good friends later on.

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I used to have a bad relationship with my mom; She kept treating me like a child who shouldn’t have any freedoms. She didn’t like me staying out late, she didn’t want to teach me how to drive, she wouldn’t approve of most of my shirts, and when she felt like she was right, there was no arguing with her. She would talk bad about my brothers (her sons) behind their backs and say that she’s “just concerned” but it really made me not want to be around her for long.

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Exactly how I was raised. :unamused:
So what made you improve your relationship with her? ( you said ’ I used to have…’)

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Everyone just keep saying “accept that she is like that and she can’t change”.
Well how can I accept it when her attitude is all based on belittling my state, religious lecturing, and mean comments?

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She wrote to me once “I understand now that you are an egoist” and it was because I told her I don’t want her to make mean comments about my life and at the time she was occupied with caring about her sick father.
Of course, I’m a bad daughter now because its been a week since I don’t talk with her.
There was more than one situation like this before.

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It was kind of like I forced her to see me as an adult and it was all thanks to my dad (her ex-husband). I asked my dad if I could sleep over at my boyfriends (I still have to ask permission because I don’t pay rent yet) for our anniversary and he said yes but only if I talked to my mom about it. I did and she was very surprised. She told me that that was very mature of me for asking her instead of just sneaking behind her back or just not telling her at all. I also talked to her recently about birth control and so she’s been forced to have “grown up” discussions with me which has changed how she saw me as.

When it came to her talking bad about my brothers, I used a technique I learned in a nonprofit I’m involved with. They’re called “I-Messages” and they force you to think out your feelings and whatnot. I told her almost word for word that “When I hear people talk about my brothers without considering how they would feel if they heard what’s being said about them, it makes me feel upset and not safe in the peoples’ company because I know how hard of a worker both of my brothers are and they’re doing their best and I feel like since I’m not accomplishing as much as they are, that the words being said about me when I’m not around are words that would really hurt me”. (Seriously though, I love the nonprofit cause it’s made me think of ways to help with my voices and improve my relationship with people! It’s called AVP if you wanna see if there’s any meetings in your location)

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It’s the truth though. Your mom is going to act the way she wants and that isn’t going to change. You have to find a way to be okay with yourself without her. I don’t know how much she helps you out, but if you can just cut her completely out of your life for a few months, maybe that would help. That’s what I had to do with my mom. She never apologized, and she still acts the same, but now she respects me when I stand up to her. Because she knows I’m willing to just walk away. Now that she knows our relationship only exists when she is respectful of me, she behaves much better.

Of course, this is a terrible and hard thing to do. It killed me knowing there was no one in the world I could turn to, not even my own mother. And there’s always a chance your mom will just let you walk and not try to stop you. It’s a huge risk. But I eventually got to a point where I realized I would rather never see her again than let her keep stealing from me.

Only you know how to handle your relationship with your mom. This is just what worked for me.

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Thanks for the potato.

My issues with my mom mainly come from not being around her enough, she is a doctor and a workaholic so she is always gone. As a kid she only talked to me to discipline me. As an adult she tends to be a bit impersonal, sometimes she outright ignores me. She puts a lot of time and money into her projects and treats her children as if they don’t exist.

You, on the other hand seem to spend more time than me actually communicating with your mother.

In retrospect, growing up I feared and respected my mother more than I loved her.

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Edit: sorry everyone, ignore this post.

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I’m not trying to compete with anyone, just sharing my experience.

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@Ninjastar Eduvigis is entitled to share his experiences, please don’t put him down for doing so. This is a support forum, for all of us.

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I’m sorry, @eduvigis. I accidentally drank a lot of caffeine tonight and I’m kind of snappy. I’ll be nicer.

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I’ll do you a swap you can have mine. Mines still using the 1940’s book of phycology and parenting guide and that’s the abridged version not the good one with pictures.

Sorry about your mum hope things improve.

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Every week sounds like frequent contact n that you are close.

I chat with my mum about once a month at most really over Internet.

We have issues.
She has said she despises me.
I don’t think she is my real mother.
I was raised by two woman.
The one they say is me mum n step mum I had.

Step mother was good quality time n calm n daily time she would do deals like eat all your meat n one carrot n you can have desert .
She worked s lot but it was still good time.

I think the mum struggled s lot.

She hated me but probably has love for me despite unlike the “father” one.lol

She tried to drown me in a bath tub once and we had moments with out food didn’t have in fridge etc n when I had worms once she couldn’t afford to buy medicine for me.
(She did not smoke,drink of so drugs )

She used to trash me n always put me down but is nicer behaved now I think n we get along pretty nicely I think but we still fight.

She has said i ruined her life quiet a few times.

She has said really hurtful things to me.
I think she was neglectful sometimes but she was coping herself being alone.

I hated growing up n living with these people.
Hated it.
Beleive they were stealing from me, disabling me ,hating me etc

I love her n the other one who’s apartment im living in.

But I still think they get up to mischief about me n are jealous n perhaps always have been n stealing from me etc.

My mum lives overseas.

I probably send my former stepmum text message once month aswell so they both get text once a month or so.

I need space from them.

I wondered if they did identity theft n gave former step mum n said she was me n all kinds of stuff.

The former step mum n I were close I think but Im not keen on her children who I simply don’t think are genuine of nice people n who have done illegal things to me even.

I also think I was in there bodies n that’s why I survived.

I had nada in me own during apathy time it was so heavy n painful.

She has been cruel and said horrid things but she helped me do tax this year in person cause I can do me own but in person I cant.

I love her.
Love them but yeah there’s drama n always has been.

The parents I have don’t like me n have hate for me and I don’t think they are my real parents.

Also my identity was stolen when I was toddler amoung other things I was molested raped then too n then surgery cause several of them are drs …

There’s more I could write but leave it there for now.

I’m proud of her though.
She’s vegan, been one a whole year, gardening etc n she sent me lollies n does sweet thi fa every now n then but she’s not “bun mamma” n she is not affectionate or so n

I adored her as a child n I still love her but not same as I used to as child.
I was heart broken n disapinted.

She had two children with another father n she treated them so differently.
They had more money,steady home n she was more calm n didn’t get "pshycho " behaving moments.

one could be quiet n turn other cheek or break all contact with them n say will not tolerate such behaviour toward me.

Addressing n discussing the matter doesn’t get very far with some kinds of people.

I have felt more motherly toward her I think.

I love her n she is great but we definately have our moments.:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes::grin::stuck_out_tongue::flushed::stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes::blush:

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I’ll just add I went to a school in a country that serves food at school so there was food served there n I was picky n rather go hungry than eat something that was someone else’s name n time or made me sick etc.

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Lol no, you don’t want to swap. My mother lives according to a book from 6th century B.C. (:

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My mother is dead, but when she was alive I found her presence painful, I think because she made me think that I was dependent on her - that I was still her kid. It seems like mothers can’t treat you in any other way. Our relationship improved when I moved out.

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Yeah it seems that the problem is they don’t want to see us as adults. Flawed and broken maybe, and definitely not by their standards, but still adults.

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I used to really hate my mom, sometimes she annoys the crap out of me. But she’s helped me a lot these last years, maybe to make up for the neglected times in the past.

I’m dealing with it in therapy, but I no longer hate her.

Edit: I actually love my mom very much now, once I got over her flaws and just saw a human being, I learned to appreciate her.

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