Dont have the time to read a whole thread right now, but the best weapon against feeling like a failure is to recognize positive things about yourself and be proud of them. Genuinely proud. Works every time for me.
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I had to hand my child over to ex, and ex-inlaws because of court orders when they completely disrespected and hated me. It was horrible! When you have a choice, you need to do what you know is right and protect your child. They canât buy your child with gifts, etc Itâs hard because these are your parents, but try to compose yourself and have a talk with them. Let them know that you may have differences but that you are a mom and not a child anymore. They must be respectful toward you if they expect to spend time with your son. Having said that, I would also listen to what your son wants, and let him spend time with them if it benefits him.
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There are also cases where the parent may be ârightâ, but they present their case so wrongly that they cause more damage than if they had just remained quiet. This is kind of my superpower in relationships, actually. Bleh.
Pixel.
Thatâs the core of the problem. I canât find a middle solution between those two.
Sure it benefits him, they love him and take him everywhere.
But to show up at my doors refusing to talkâŚhaving such a poor opinion about my role as an adult, a mother and a daughterâŚI just cannot.
Oh, she cannot stay quiet. She has to give her condescending, enlightened opinion on everything. And do it loudly.
âit was sunny day today. Did you take Luka outside? That kid doesnât go out often enoughâ
" did you visit the psychiatrist? You havent been for months, it is so irresponsible"
" my friend saw you with the xy person⌠Do you take drugs again?"
" you canât provide him things because you two only look for yourself"
âThose who forgot on God, He forgots themâ
"You dont listen to me, because you are hurt by the truth "
When we were talking by the phone or Skype, she would do this daily. If I tell her that her attitude is too harsh and quite annoying the response is âI want the best for you two. Iâm giving you the advice. Youâre the one who is not patient blah blahâ (anything familiar @minnii?)
I know you are not this kind of parent. Your daughter already has the sense of her own identity and position in the world, and that could only be provided with the help of a super parents
Yep⌠I think in her way she worries about you, thatâs something. You seem to be on that limbo, you want independence from her but you canât get yourself to do it on your own. In the end itâs you who is going to have to make that choice.
I would nag you about your drug use too you know? 
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Iâm sure you wouldnât present the facts this way : " a friend of my friend told to my friend and she told me youâve been seen with that personâŚ" or this one, just remembered " you are not going to therapy, what are you hiding?"
She is a control freak. Control- neglect type.
That does seem familiar⌠I really donât know what it took for my mom to change. Iâm guessing it was seeing me losing my mind.
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Youâre in a difficult situation and Iâm sorry. 
Your son needs to always come first in those situations, even when itâs hard for you. Healing your relationship with your mom is seperate. My mom has been gone six years now, and I wish I had made more of an effort to speak with her adult to adult. Itâs hard to come out from under those feelings of hurt and/or neglected child, but you must if you want to be seen as an equal. Iâm certainly not a therapist and also not articulate, so I know I donât have the answer. I do feel for you though, and for your son, and I would again stress that whatever you do should benefit him.
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