Do any of you ever feel like a huge burden on your family? Sometimes I have such conflicting thoughts. I want so badly to leave (in a variety of ways) so as not to be a burden, but, I am horrified at the thought of leaving. Don’t get me wrong, never in my right mind would I leave, my family needs me too much and loves me, but, sometimes I just can’t help the thoughts! My husband is the most patient man in the world and takes such good care of me and I feel like I give so little in return. I try, I really do. I do my best, but, it’s so insignificant.
Yes, I feel like a burden financially mostly. Wish I had a quote to combat that burden feeling but don’t have one at the moment, someone told me that “all life has value” but I remember I didn’t get much help from that? Well, in case a smoker happens to read, so i smoked a pack a day about since 26, had one drug overdose during that time, is my heart really damaged do you think? i’m 36, 10 years smoking, i’ve stopped because i started getting racing heartbeat/faint while smoking so planning to stay stopped.
It sounds to me like your are more than pulling your weight in the family. I wouldn’t feel guilty if I were you.
There’s a song by Blue October you might know and have heard of them or the song “Hate Me”. The lead singer is schizophrenic. But goes into the thoughts and feelings of just what you mentioned. So the answer to your post is no your not alone with this. I think we all go through it.
At times I feel like a weight holding my classes back. They constantly have to wait on me, in my automotive class some peoples grades depend on how well I can do something.
Oh my, I make a point to not listen to this song. I just cry and cry. I did not know that he has sz though!
I get hit with this guilt when I sit down and really think how much of my families time and energy goes into keeping me up and running.
I’ve been working so hard to pay back all the things I’ve done to my family… It really gets to me at times. All those hospital stays… everything I ever did to my younger siblings, the constant hell I put my parents through…
I’ve been told not to dwell on it.
Really, we shouldn’t dwell on it, just try and get better, but, at times it’s just hard.
i am a burden on my country with me being on disability, my parents for having to look after me, my kids for not having an all there mother. it’s awful.
I’ve seen plenty of Moms who might be considered “all there” and they are ambitious Mom’s who put a lot of pressure on their kids to be perfect and active, and on and on.
You love your kids and you stand by them flaws and all. You accept your kids glitches… that’s more then I’ve seen some “perfectly healthy” Mom’s do.
I think your a great Mom.
thanx hunni. xxx 20 characters
Ohhhhh yes, I feel like a terrible burden to my husband. But every time I tell him that, he keeps on saying I am not, and the fact is, I am there for him when he gets sick with epilepsy, too, he just said today that I helped him a lot last week when he had a lot of seizures. So I shouldn’t be feeling guilty, but I still am. Not a burden financially (as I get charged near to nothing for my pdoc visits and meds at the state hospital) but an emotional burden, putting him under constant emotional strain with my episodes and emotional distress and negative symptoms. I remember when I first got sick eleven years ago, how it put a terrible strain on my mother, and I felt a similar guilt to now when I lived with her and I was a financial burden to my father back then, too. Its so hard seeing loved ones suffer because of my illness!
*I also feel quilty sometimes when I get irritable with my son. I know he feels the same way.
We are in it together and we just deal with everything the best way we can.
We do it because we couldn
t imagine it any other way. Your children are always your children, your siblings, parents....* Please dont be so hard on yourself-your family is there because they want to be
I ask too much of my brother. I do feel guilty of that.
I know I shouldn’t dwell on it, but I know my mom has done a lot.
Now I’ve picked up the torch and I am carrying it on.
My mom should be retired and living in Florida watching for alligator attacks or whatever they do down there. She probably wouldn’t ever move to Florida but that is what I envisioned before I was sick.
I always thought that when she got older, I would be taking care of her. But instead she gets to take care of her adult son financially and emotionally. She also has to do things like mow the lawn because I freak out when there are people outside. She’ll never have grandchildren. She’ll never get to come visit at Christmas. She’ll never get to see me doing well and being a real grownup.
It used to bother me a great deal. It doesn’t bother me so much anymore because I resign myself to the fact I do what I can. I do all the cooking. I do as much as I can around the house. That is all you really can do. Do your best and hope it is enough. Try to be as little of a burden as you can manage.
She has never complained. That also bothers me a little because I feel she doesn’t have anyone to vent to about how unfair my sickness is to her.
That’s all the can be expected of anyone.
You sound like you are doing well. You might not have the best life but things could be so much worse. I’d bet she’s happier with how you’re doing than you think.
My mother died before I had any kids. Even if I have some in the future she’ll never see them. Sometimes you just have to accept things and move on.
@Malvok Thank you for saying that. I know what you are saying is true. It just gets to me. My life being screwed up I can deal with. What is hard is knowing I’m making hers worse.
I’m sorry about your mother. I had this friend in college. She was in her forties. Her mother died while she was there and she said that the death of a parent should be considered the final stage of becoming an adult. She said it felt like it changed her somehow.
There are more caregiver support groups now then there was. Have you asked her if she might be interested in that sort of thing?
When my sis was a younger teen she used to go to a sibling support group and I hate to say it… but I used to hate it. To think… she would go to somewhere and complain about me to people who I don’t know… that used to just eat me up.
But I see now that having that support and have those answers… and just having some friends her age who knew understood what was happening in her house… really helped her get through it all.
@SurprisedJ Thank you for the suggestion. I’ve actually made it myself but she says it isn’t for her. We are pretty reserved people.