I wish I could cure myself of this physical disability so that my family doesn’t have to pour their energy onto caring me. They make sure I don’t fall nor drag my legs. I still do it because I don’t want to fall. I am extremely careful, but I am aching in pain all the time. And my family suffers with me.
I love my family. But my doctor isn’t feeling very hopeful about me, and told me that limiting my diet won’t do much. My mom says things like “if you weren’t sick, we could have done this or that…etc” in a sad voice sometimes and I feel like a huge burden. I know that she just doesn’t want me to be sick, and I totally get that.
We were worried that my dad will get stressed out after work when he sees me, so the rest of the family made a rule for me: that is, not showing my symptoms when he comes home. I don’t know if that’s working though.
My heart is aching so much because I feel responsible for my illness. I want to get better so much, so that I could spare my family the trouble of caregiving. I love them so much, and I know that they are very concerned about me.
I feel like I owe my family so much. I just want them to be ok.
It just hurts me because I feel like I’m hurting them. I don’t know what to do.